Nice To Know You
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Seeing people in danger on a regular basis is a part of Logan's job that he's pretty much gotten used to. But when it's someone that he kind of sort of knows? That's a whole different story. Can Logan save the guy who has become a constant in his everyday life? Can love bloom between the two? (AU; Contains Slash: Jagan)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with another new story! This is one that I've been planning for a little while, but had to do a little research before getting started on it. As with most of my stories lately, this one is a little different from what I usually write, but I hope you all enjoy!**

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"It's Monday, and you know what that means." Kendall said as he cut off the engine and looked over at me expectantly.

I patted my pants pocket to make sure I'd shoved my wallet inside before we'd headed out this morning, and when I felt the outline of it, I nodded. "Yep. Extra-bold coffee coming right up."

As I popped open the passenger-side door, Kendall's hand landed firmly on my arm, halting me before I could get out of the ambulance, and I looked back at him over my shoulder.

"It means don't be a chickenshit, Loges, that's what it means."

Lifting my eyebrows, I glanced around, searching for whoever it was Kendall thought he was talking to, and when he read my quizzical expression, he snorted.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you." He said.

"You calling me out?"

"Damn right I am."

I shook my head. "I'm not a chickenshit, and you know it."

Kendall shrugged and let go of my arm. "Fine. Prove it."

"I can't do that."

"You _can_. You just _won't_."

Yeah, whatever, he had me there. Something always held me back from saying much more than hello to the guy in the fitted clothes that I saw pretty much every morning in the coffee aisle at Gustavo's corner store. I never should've told him about my crush in the first place, but being my best friend as well as my work partner meant we tended to overshare in the time between calls.

"He's straight, Ken. Leave it alone, okay?"

"You don't know that for sure."

I picked up a container of mints and shook a couple into my mouth before tossing it back in the console. "Trust me. I know."

"For you to know that, you'd have to have actually _talked_ to him. Have you done that since the last time I saw you? Last time being yesterday."

Rolling my eyes, I ignored his question and pushed open my door. "You want that coffee or not?"

"Mhmm. The date for you, too."

"Jesus." I muttered, slamming the door before he could make any other requests. I could hear him chuckling behind me as he got out to pump the gas. And out of the corner of my eye, a flash of midnight blue pulling into a parking spot had my heart beating a bit faster. It was ridiculous that I'd even wonder for a second if I'd see him, since hardly a weekday had gone by in four months when I hadn't. But that flutter of anticipation still sent a thrill through me, the handful of minutes seeing him every morning becoming a routine highlight of my day.

 _That's it. I need to get my damn life back._ Working all these overtime shifts to pick up some extra cash over the holidays, and giving the guys with families some time off, had sent my social life into a tailspin. If I didn't get out and actually socialize soon, I'd crash and burn. Or, worse, doing something stupid like actually hitting on the straight guy.

"Hey, Loges." Kendall called out, and I paused with my hand on the door to the store before moving aside to let the woman behind me pass through. When I turned around, a mischievous grin played on his lips as he inserted the gas pump into the tank and began to hip-thrust.

 _Oh, for the love of-_

"And while you're at it, maybe grab me one of those apple fritters, would ya? And a soda for later?"

 _So much for New Year's resolutions,_ I thought. That had lasted less than a week. Not that I could blame him when it came to the tempting basket of freshly baked goods that sat by Gustavo's register every morning. Even I had a hard time passing on those. Still, Kendall claimed to want to start watching what he ate and made me swear I'd keep him in check.

"You sure you wanna do that?" I asked.

Kendall looked pointedly over at the midnight blue Mazda 3 and his smile grew. "Life's too short to pass on the good stuff, wouldn't you say?"

 _That fucker._ I shook my head and shot a glare his way, and then I went inside, determined now to buy out the apple fritters and personally stuff them down his meddling throat.

"Morning, Logan." Gustavo greeted me from behind the counter where he was ringing up a customer, and I smiled his way before grabbing a handheld basket and heading down the aisle for Kendall's soda. I grabbed a bottle for him and a bottle for me and laid it in the basket as the refrigerator door slapped shut behind me.

I kept a tight grip on the handle as I took my time walking towards the far aisle, the anticipation building in my gut. Finally, I rounded the corner, and just as he was everyday, Bluebird stood in front of the coffee station, refillable mug in hand and somehow looking more gorgeous than I remembered. My memory never did him justice.

I never talked to him, so I never found out his name. I had resorted to giving him the nickname Bluebird for reasons that I would never say out loud.

I didn't move as he placed his mug beneath the machine's spout and hit a button, and I knew exactly what he'd get, the same thing he got every morning: _a latte with light foam and two sugars, two creamers_.

Today he was dressed up a bit. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks, with a white button-down shirt and a midnight-blue tie. Always so well put together, from his stylishly tousled dark brown hair, down to his black loafers. A couple days of stubble covered his usual freshly shaven jaw, and I imagined how it'd feel under my hands as I took either side of his face and pulled him toward mine-

"Dammit!"

Bluebird's curse shook me out of my stupor as my feet managed to move again, and as I got closer, I saw that the usual brown liquid coming out from the machine was a cloudy white instead.

He let out a disappointed sigh. "Hey, Gus." He called out to the owner. "Latte machine's down."

"Again?" Gustavo shook his head and then said, "Sorry about that, James. I'll have to get someone out to fix that."

"No problem." James replied, dumping out the hot water from his mug into the tray, and hello, I finally had an actual name to go with the face: _James_. How was it I'd gone so long without knowing?

I pulled out a couple of large disposable cups from the rack and reached for the coffee pot at the same time as James, our fingers brushing against each other ever so slightly before we both jerked back. His touch shot through me like an electric jolt to my heart, and the surprise that lit his eyes told me I wasn't the only one affected.

"Sorry." He said, and then cleared his throat. "Damn static."

' _That wasn't static_.' I thought, but I wasn't about to enlighten him, so instead I gestured to the almost empty coffee pot. "No problem. Go for it."

"Oh...uh…" He glanced at how little was left and shook his head. "That's okay. You were here first."

"Nah, go ahead. Something tells me you need it more than I do."

"Are you sure?" James asked, his forehead creased like he didn't want to impose, but I wouldn't have minded him taking the last of the coffee everyday, so long as those hazel eyes of his stayed on me.

"I insist." I said, and then leaned in slightly to whisper conspiratorially, "Besides, I know where Gustavo keeps the coffee. I'll just brew another pot."

A grateful smile lifted his lips. "Thanks." Then he poured himself a full mug of coffee and scratched his jaw as he said, "Ever had one of those mornings?"

"All the time."

James looked up at me, and then his eyes shifted down to my name and the title patched on my uniform. _Logan Mitchell. Paramedic._ "Yeah, of course you do. Paramedic, huh? I don't know how you do it."

"Helps that we can filter caffeine through IVs for a quicker hit on really bad days."

He chuckled as he ripped open two sugar packets and dumped them into his drink. "In that case, I think I'm in the wrong field."

"What is it that you do?"

"I teach music education at Valley View Middle School."

"Middle schoolers?" I whistled. "I think I'll stick with my job."

"I wouldn't blame you some days. They're mostly a great group, but man, there's a few whose mission is to run off the new teachers."

"And you're one of the new ones?"

"Technically. Four months running." He tossed the empty packets into the trash and then held his hand out to me. "I'm James, by the way."

I stared at his hand for a couple of heartbeats before taking it in mine. His long fingers were cool to the touch, unlike my perpetually hot ones. It could be negative fifty outside, and my hands would still be warm. "Logan." I said, and then shook my head slightly. "Well, Hortense, but I hate that name and everyone calls me Logan so…"

"Logan." James repeated before letting go of my hand.

I missed the contact immediately.

Before either of us could say anything else, Gustavo walked in between us and hit the side of the latte machine with a stick.

"I don't think it'll respond to a beat-down, Gus." James said, as he added and stirred two creamers into his coffee.

"Worked once before. I bet I can do it again"

As Gustavo whacked at the machine, James shook his head at the stubborn man. Then he capped his mug and smiled at me. "Thanks again, Logan. I owe you one."

"Anytime." I responded. "Hope your morning improves."

"I'm counting on it. Bye, Gus. I'll leave the money on the counter."

Gustavo grumbled what sounded like a goodbye and kept fiddling with the latte machine as I rinsed out the coffee pot and started up a fresh brew.

Two steaming mugs, two sodas, and a bag full of apple fritters later and I was climbing back into the ambulance, still reeling from my run-in with James. It was so unlike me to fawn over a guy, but there was something about him that had caught my attention from day one and never let go. Today's encounter had only served to pique my curiosity even more.

"That has got to be the biggest, dumbest grin I've ever seen on your ugly mug." Kendall said, staring at me like I'd grown two heads. "Did you finally do it? Did you ask him out?"

I tossed the bag of fritters and soda into Kendall's lap. "Feel free to choke on those."

"Ahh, I'm gonna take that as a yes, then. He shot you down?"

After setting the coffee's on the console, I fastened my seatbelt and waited for Kendall to get the hint that we needed to get moving.

"What the hell, Loges?" He said. "You're just going to leave me hanging?"

I arched my brow in his direction, and when I didn't say anything, he gave a grunt and started up the rig.

"One of these days, Logan…" He grumbled, pulling out of the gas station. "You know all of my personal shit. See if I spill my guts out to you anymore."

"You wouldn't know what to do if you couldn't talk about Jo twenty-four seven."

"Hey, it's not my fault I scored a good one. Just letting everyone know what they're missing out on." As Kendall slowed down behind traffic, he glanced over at me and waggled his bushy eyebrows.

"Make sure to do us a favor and hand out barf bags the next time you get started." I nodded at the bag of pasteries in his lap. "And don't tell anyone I let you have those. I'm doing a horrible job of holding you accountable."

He laughed and tore into the bag of fritters with one hand, while keeping his other on the wheel. When he'd made me swear last week that I'd keep him on track while he "cut the crap," I'd thought he was nuts. At almost six feet, Kendall was as attractive as ever. Piercing green eyes, a full golden blond head of hair, and dimples that only seemed to have deepened the past few months. There was no reason for him to watch what he ate. Which made me think that this was all some kind of twisted test. Maybe he was just doing it to annoy me. Or the more logical explanation, maybe he was trying to do it for Jo, seeing as she was a little more of a clean eater.

' _Why are the hot ones always straight?'_ I thought, my mind drifting back to the man I always made sure to run into during the workweek. And yeah, I got that straight vibe from James too, though even he couldn't deny the spark that had ignited when our hands had brushed against each other. That wasn't enough to hang any hope on, though, as much as I wanted to.

"His name's James." I said, breaking up the quiet in the rig, and when Kendall's head jerked in my direction, a fritter half shoved in his mouth, I was unable to keep the smirk off my face anymore. "Teaches music at the middle school."

As I casually sipped my coffee, Kendall's jaw practically hit the ground. "No shit." A horn sounded from behind us, and Kendall stepped on the gas, shaking his head. "About damn time. What else did you two talk about?"

"Nothing. Gustavo came over to give the latte machine a concussion, and that was the end of that."

Dammit, Gus. Way to cock-block."

"Nah, he didn't know."

"Well, you have an opening now." Kendall said, winking at me. "And that was only a pun if you want it to be."

"Oh, Jesus. I've done it now."

"What?"

"Created a monster who uses puns against me."

Kendall laughed as I flipped on the radio to drown out any other comments his sugar high wanted to throw out, but when someone on the radio began to croon about a winter wonderland, Kendall groaned and jabbed at the buttons to change the channel.

"I can't believe they're still blasting Christmas music in January. Didn't they get the memo that Santa Claus already came to town, and all he brought me was a damn snow blower? What the hell would I use a snow blower for? I love the snow!"

Chuckling, I brought my coffee up to my lips and blew softly, while Kendall continued to flip through the stations until he found something other than holiday music.

Suddenly, a quick tone alert came through the radio, and I punched the music off as a call came through from dispatch.

"Unit 113, please respond Code 3 to the intersection of Highway 65 and 221st Avenue on a multi-vehicle accident with injuries. Fire department responding for possible extrication."

I picked up the receiver. "Ten-four. Unit 113 en route. ETA less than two minutes." I said as Kendall dropped the plastic bag on the ground at my feet and flipped on the lights and siren.

"Not how I'd want my day starting out." He said, cutting through an intersection to make a left.

"Saddle up." I said. "I have a feeling it's gonna be a long one."

Traffic going east was already beginning to back up, the roads congested at the height of morning rush hour. Now with the accident up ahead and the cars unable to move to the side, Kendall had to pull us into the reversible lane to get by. From the opposite direction, a backup unit, along with two police cars and a fire truck, veered toward the intersection, though it looked like we'd get there first.

I could see the smoke rising up ahead from beneath the hood of a black four-by-four truck that had smashed into a-

"Oh shit...Loges…" Kendall's voice trailed off as we both caught sight of the crushed passenger side of the car that had been T-boned. The crumpled car had been no match for the bigger vehicle, it looked like they'd skidded into the middle of the intersection during impact. The car's hood punched up at an awkward angle with the truck half inside, and broken glass littered the road.

I'd seen the sight so many times before, but never had the breath left my lungs in a rush, never had a faint ringing sound filled my ears, and never had a wild sense of panic seized my chest like it did right then.

Because the mangled car, the one I was responding to, was none other than James' midnight blue Mazda 3.

* * *

 **Done! Like I said, this will be a little different from my other stories. For one, this is my first Jagan story! It's also a little more on the tragedy side so there will be quite a few ups and downs throughout this story, as I'm sure you can already see :P**

 **I'm also writing the guys slightly different from how I usually write them, but still with traces of their personalities from the show. I especially like Kogan's friendship dynamic in this story! As you'll see over the course of the next few chapters, they have a very teasing friendship, but they really do deeply care about each other :)**

 **Anyway, I've pretty much finished the next two chapters, so those will be up over the course of the next two days! In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts so far!**

 **Next chapter will be coming later on today/tomorrow depending on where in the world you are.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another update! I meant to have this up a little earlier, but I got a little busy :P**

 **Before we get started, I have to thank everyone that read the first chapter! I'd also like to give a shout-out to winterschild11, Guest and Side1ways for reviewing! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

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It's strange what you remember in those seconds of pure horror. When the world goes into slow motion and everything as you know it has changed.

I remember Kendall pulling us up close to the accident, my hand on the door before we had even rolled to a stop. I remember seeing the lights of the other responders out of the corner of my eye almost there but not quite. We were the first, and in a situation where seconds could mean the difference between life and death, I knew I had to act fast.

"Listen, why don't you take over backup while I assist-" Kendall started, but before he could finish that thought-and before we'd even fully stopped-I was jumping out of the rig and running towards the wreckage, the pounding of blood in my head all I could hear.

Smoke billowed out from beneath the truck's hood, but I didn't see a fire, and there were no gas leaks. Because of where the cars had landed, traffic had stopped in all directions, and barring rogue asshole trying to maneuver around the accident, the scene would be safe from any more potential incidents, at least until the other emergency personnel arrived.

As I got closer, I could see just how bad of a shape his car was in, but it was the outline of James slumped over the wheel's airbag that had my heart stuttering and the prayers starting. _Oh God, please let him be alive. Please don't let him die. Please help me._

The driver's-side window was cracked with a smear of blood, but still intact, and I tried not to look at it as I lifted the door handle and found it locked. I wasn't about to take the chance of breaking a window near him, and I needed to get to him fast, so I ripped out the blood pressure cuff from the bag I'd grabbed before exiting the ambulance. With my fingers, I jerked the top of the doorframe open enough to stick the cuff inside and then began to pump.

"Come on, come on." I said, feeling the clock ticking down as James lay motionless inches away. As the cuff expanded, the door began to spread away from the car, giving me enough access to unlock the door with a thin rod and then wrench it open.

My heart beat faster than it had my whole life, but somehow my hands were steady as I drew on my gloves and then took a hold of James' wrist, all the training and years spent in emergency situations keeping me grounded.

He had a pulse, thank God, though it wasn't as strong as I would've liked and his breathing was shallow. But he was alive. _For now._

"James?" I said, needing him to answer me, but there was no response. _Fuck._ "James, if you can hear me, I'm gonna get you out of here. I just need you to stay with me, okay? And don't try to move."

A groan emerged from his throat, as I quickly sliced his seatbelt apart and then began to take a visual assessment of his injuries. He had blood oozing from the gash on the left side of his skull, where it looked like the force of impact had thrown his head into the driver's-side window, so there was definite head trauma, and possible neck and spine injury. There seemed to be no other major bleeding, though the damage I couldn't see was always what worried me the most. Not to mention the smoke escaping from the hood of the truck made it hard to see or even breathe.

"What have we got?" Kendall said from behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see he had the stretcher and cervical collar ready to go. One of the fire and rescue squad teams came to a stop behind us for backup, while the others went to the four-by-four to extricate the driver of the truck, who I could see was alert and trying to exit the vehicle by himself.

I rattled off James' vitals as I unlocked the back door for Kendall and then returned my focus to James. Kendall climbed into the back seat, and together with the others, we began the complicated dance of getting James out of the car while keeping his spine stable.

"Slow...slowly." I said to my team as James began to mumble incoherently. "I've got you, James. We've all got you." And then to further soothe him, I began to explain what was happening. "You'll feel several pairs of hands on different parts of your body right now, and that's because we need to make sure we've got your spine immobilized while we get you out of the car."

He managed a small groan of acknowledgement and closed his eyes as we continued to move him, and it didn't escape my notice that he sucked in a sharp breath whenever someone touched his right arm and side. The others noticed as well, and I mentally catalogued those injuries as we worked to get him on the stretcher.

I stood at the head as we neutralized his neck and spine in a cervical collar, and that was when I finally got a good look at James.

There were cuts along the right side of his handsome face from the shards of glass that had shot through the air when the truck slammed into him, and several slivers remained embedded in his cheek. His dark brown hair was matted with blood that trickled down to his eyebrow.

"James? Can you look at me?" I said, as I pulled out a penlight and clicked it on. When he opened his eyes, I felt a small bit of relief that his pupils hadn't dilated-which would've been a very bad sign in a head trauma case-and held up a finger for him to follow. Then I switched out my finger for the light to see how he'd respond, but at that moment, James made a horrible gasping sound, like he was unable to breathe, and we flew into action.

The whole time we worked, getting him intubated and starting the IV's, I kept talking, letting James know what was happening at all times, though if I were honest, it was also to keep me sane.

Once we looked up, I climbed in the back of the ambulance next to James and looked back at Kendall.

"You good?" He asked, and I knew he meant me as well as James. Blowing out a breath, I gave him a quick nod.

"Let's go."

Kendall slammed the doors of the rig shut, leaving me in the small space alone with James and his labored breathing.

I couldn't take that sound. Not from him.

Needing to break up the unsteady silence as I worked to get him medicated and stable, I said, "And you thought the latte machine breaking down was the low point of the day."

 _Ugh._ Yeah, bad timing on that joke, but it was horrible jokes or nothing at all, and I felt the need to keep talking, to let him hear me and know that someone was with him.

"Can you believe we never learned each other's names before today? That's kinda dumb, right? Always passing each other in the mornings but never saying anything. As a matter of fact, I always thought of you as Bluebird in my head, not that I'd ever say that to your face." I glanced down at his still-shut eyes. "Well, not to your waking face, anyway."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kendall booking it down the road and knew he was listening to every word I said, though he was trying not to react in any way. I shrugged. Not like he didn't know more than James did.

"You're probably thinking, why Bluebird, right?" I continued. "The first time I ever saw you, you had on this light blue shirt under your jacket, and you had this silver pin on your jacket that looked like wings. Plus, there was the blue car. I don't know, I guess it all just stood out to me, and...well, _you_ stood out to me, really. So, I guess… I guess for some reason, Bluebird popped into my head, so that's what you were from then on."

I glanced at his vitals display and swallowed. "I don't know why I said all that, but there you go. Sometimes things don't make sense, but you gotta go with it. Kind like what's happening now." I took a deep breath as I studied his face. That beautiful, cut-up face, and the man it belonged to who didn't deserve what was happening to him now. It felt surreal, to go from our conversation not even half an hour ago to rushing him to the hospital. It reminded me what I knew to be true on a daily basis, life wasn't fair, and it didn't skip someone just because they were a good person. I didn't know this guy, but I knew in my gut he was good. And I'd do everything in my power to keep him breathing, to keep him safe.

His brows contorted, and I found myself saying, "You're okay. You hear me? I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, but you've got to promise me you'll keep fighting."

James' eyes opened then, those hazel orbs staring right at me, and I knew he'd heard me, becuase I could see the understanding mixed with fear.

I gently touched his arm in reassurance. ' _I've got you.'_ I thought, wishing there weren't unshed tears in his eyes.

But then his eyelids slowly fluttered shut and his pulse slowed even more, and my stomach dropped.

"Ken, you need to punch it!" I called out. "Now."

"Almost there, Loges. You both hold on tight."

 _Don't you dare die on me._

I kept my hand on James' wrist, as if I could force him to live just by touch alone. In those tense seconds before we reached the hospital, it felt like hours had passed.

The trauma team was ready when we arrived, Kendall having called in the code on the way over, and it was a relatively smooth transistion getting James into an ER room and switched over to the hospital's equipment. My eyes never left him as I briefed the doctor on the accident and our en route treatment, and after giving her the report on his vitals and possible injuries, she took over.

I knew better than to hover while they did their job, but the urge to stay was so strong that I almost couldn't force my feet to move. But they did, slowly but surely, and as I backed out of the room, I sent up silent prayers that this wouldn't be the last time I saw him. That he'd come through with as little lasting damage as possible.

And then the door shut and he was gone, out of view from me or any other passerby, and I could only stand there, feeling numb and helpless now that he was out of my hands. But that's what this job was. It was what I'd signed up for. I was the first on the scene in what was the most crucial time for a victim, but it wasn't in my job description to know how a patient fared once we left.

It never failed that I'd wonder about them when I left the hospital and on the drive home at the end of the day. Were they alright? Had they run into any other complications? Sometimes I'd call up to the ER, and if a nurse I was friendly with answered, I'd get a rundown, HIPAA privacy violations be damned, but more often than not, I left the job within the walls of the hospital.

This one, though? There was no way I could just leave James here without knowing he'd come through this. It would probably seem crazy to anyone else, but although we didn't really know each other, he was a part of my daily life, even for those few minutes at Gustavo's store. I couldn't even think about the possibility that I'd never get those moments every morning back. That he wouldn't be there tomorrow, refillable mug under the latte spout, filling up and then pouring in two sugars and two creamers.

No, I wasn't going to think about that. It was too morbid when my gut told me he'd come out of this,

I didn't know how long I'd been standing there, lost in my thoughts, when a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I didn't have to look to know it was Kendall, and the squeeze of his hand was all the support I needed.

"The rig's clean." He said in a soft voice. "I figured you needed a little time to yourself."

"Thank you." I looked over at him, suddenly feeling more tired than I had in years. "Did that really just happen?"

"Yeah, buddy, it did." He confirmed, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "But he's gonna pull through."

I nodded my head, getting ready to respond when a tone suddenly sounded from the radios we wore, and then a call came through. Animal bite on the other side of town, nothing too serious.

"You coming with, or do you wanna stay?" He asked as I stared at the door James had disappeared behind.

As much as I wanted to stay, there was nothing I could do but wait. Might as well make myself busy and kill some time.

' _I'll be back.'_ I thought, swallowing hard as I followed Kendall out of the hospital entrance. _'You better still be here and alive next time I see you.'_

* * *

 **Done! And I didn't end it with a cliffhanger this time :P**

 **So you all got a tiny bit of background this chapter. You all also got to find out how Logan ended up giving James the nickname Bluebird!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **Next chapter will be up tomorrow and you all will finally find out James' fate!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time for another update!**

 **As always, before we get started, I have to thank everyone that read the first chapter! I'd also like to give a shout-out to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and Riku child of Dawn for reviewing! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

It had been seventy-two hours.

Seventy-two hours since I'd left James in the hospital, where he now lay on the fourth floor in a medically induced coma to heal the swelling in his brain. And this was in addition to the broken ribs, punctured lung, sprained wrist and ankle, and the many cuts and bruises all over his body.

But it could've been worse. So much worse.

The day of James' accident, I'd come back up to the hospital after my shift, hoping to get some information about how he was doing, and learned he was in ICU, so ICU was where I went.

I'd gotten off the elevator just in time to see a doctor pulling aside a family that could have only been James', judging by the empty waiting room and the way they all shared his features, and I wasn't ashamed to listen in. I had heard the doctor giving updates about James' condition and what had happened, had seen his mom softly crying into her husband's shirt.

I wanted to go over to them, offer some words of comfort, but who was I? No one but a stranger, and I didn't want to interfere or worsen their suffering in any way, so I'd waited. Waited and watched, same as I did now, an hour after my shift had ended.

I looked down the row of chairs to where James' parents were talking with the doctor who'd just come out to brief them. I'd suspected when I first saw him that the man currently standing a few feet away was James' father. He had the same hazel colored eyes, the same tall build and strong shoulders. The woman wrapped tightly in one of his arms was where James' softer features had come from.

I'd passed his mother once, and she'd offered the same polite smile James had given me all those mornings at Gustavo's. And next to her, anxiously sitting in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs and clutching a worn backpack, though his attention was focused on what the doctor was saying, sat a younger mal, maybe in his mid-to-late teens.

Without coming off like a creeper, I listened in as much as I could to what the doctor was telling them regarding James' progress.

 _Prognosis good...healing...breathing on his own...already started the process of bringing him out of the coma…_

It was amazing how fast the heaviness that'd sat on my shoulders the past three days lifted with those words, and I dropped my head in my hands. It was senseless to blame myself in any way for his condition, I knew that, but I'd be hard-pressed to find any of my co-workers who wouldn't have thought the same thing in my position. Self-blame was just something that came with the job. You always wondered what you could've done differently, what would've changed the outcome if only you'd done x, y, and z instead.

But to hear James was going to pull through this? That was the best news I'd heard, maybe ever.

His mother hugged the doctor, and as she pulled away and went back into her husband's embrace, she wiped at her eyes.

"He's gonna make it." She said, her voice cracking. "Our baby's gonna be okay."

Averting my eyes to give them their private moment, I told myself that this was enough. James would come through this, and I could and _should_ move on, whether I wanted to or not.

Well, at least that was what I told myself until I heard James' father speak up.

"Why don't we all grab some dinner in the cafeteria?" He said to his wife, and before she could protest, he held up his hand. "You haven't eaten much of anything in days."

"But-" She started, but her husband shook his head.

"No buts. You can go back in there after you take a break." He lifted her chin. "Can't have anything happening to you."

Conflict warred on her elegant face, but she finally nodded. "Fine, but let's make it quick. I want to be there when he wakes up."

"Deal." He said, and kissed her cheek.

Along with their other son, they walked down to the bank of elevators, and my heart started to beat at a rapid pace at the thought forming. James had had at least one member of his family in his room the whole time he'd been in ICU, but now they'd all be downstairs for at least a good half hour…

I glanced down the hall to see them step onto the elevator, and as the doors slid shut behind them, I debated for all of a minute before jumping out of my chair.

I had to see him. Just to see for myself what the doctor had said was true, and then I'd leave him be and let him heal in peace.

Lucky for me, it just so happened to be shift change at the nurses station, and they were all too bust checking in with each other to notice it wasn't an immediate family member of James' slipping down the hall to see him.

Room four twenty four was dark and quiet as I entered soundlessly, the lights dimmed and the sun having long set. As I rounded the corner and James came into view, I could almost imagine he was merely sleeping peacefully. His hair had been cut some to stitch the wound on his head, and he still wore battle scars from the accident, but in my eyes, he'd never looked more beautiful.

 _He's alive. He's going to be fine._

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked over to his bedside. Now that I was here, I wasn't sure what to say or do, so I did what I always did when I was on edge: I rambled.

"You're in much better shape than the last time I saw you. I'm glad you listened. You know, when I told you to hold on. And now look at you. Doc says you'll wake up soon, and hopefully you won't be in too much pain or remember the accident. I've heard some people say they don't remember anything and others say they relive it again in their dreams."

I shoved my hands in the pockets of my faded jeans and rocked back on my heels. My eyes caught on the pictures and cards displayed along the wall, and a smile tugged at my lips.

"It looks like your students miss you. I know I would." My mouth snapped shut at that admission, but then I thought, _Screw it_. Not like he'd remember any of this anyway.

"So, I guess I won't be seeing you for a while. I won't complain too much about that, since at least you'll be around to _have_ a coffee. I'll make sure to tell Gustavo to have the latte machine in perfect shape for when you come back. I have a feeling after the beat down he gave it the other day that he'll have to order a new one anyway."

A noise outside his room had me freezing and listening for whoever might be about to come in and catch me, but after several seconds, it went quiet again, and I let out a releived exhale.

Looking down at James' face, I memorized his features in case it _was_ the last time I ever saw him. There was no guarantee he'd be back teaching or stopping for coffee at Gustavo's. Hell, there wasn't even a guarantee that he'd be completely himself when he did emerge from the coma. Personality changes, memory loss… You name it, I'd seen and heard it. I hoped that wouldn't happen to James, but just in case…

"Take care of yourself, Bluebird." I told him, and then on an impulse, I reached down and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll be seeing you. Hopefully."

I turned to leave, glancing over my shoulder one last time at James' peaceful expression, when suddenly the door to James' room opened, and I heard his mom say, "I'll just be a second, I forgot my-"

As soon as she caught sight of me standing by the bed, she came to a standstill, surprise and confusion crossing her face. But when her gaze drifted behind me, whatever she'd been about to say was forgotten as her mouth parted in a gasp.

"Oh my God." She brought her fingers to her lips as she started walking forward, and I quickly moved out of the way, willing myself to blend into the wall already.

 _What a stupid idea it was to sneak up here. A truly stupid-_

"You're awake!" She said.

 _What?_

I spun around so fast I almost lost my balance, and even more so when I saw that James' hazel eyes were open, and they were looking right at me.

Part of me was thrilled at seeing him awake. The other part was panicking.

" _I have to get out of here."_ I thought, backing away, ready to make my exit without any more notice, when James' father and brother rounded the corner.

His father's eyes narrowed. "Who are you?"

 _Oh, shit._ I really hadn't thought this through, and now I'd violated about ten different privacy laws, had a run-in with James' family-oh, and James was now awake and watching the whole thing go down. _Way to go, Logan. Really._

"I'm so sorry." I said, my hands going up. "I really shouldn't be in here. I'm sorry."

As I went to move around him, I had every intention of leaving before they could call security to come up here and remove my ass, but at that moment, one word had that plan flying out the window.

"Logan."

I froze.

There was a wheezing sound, and James' coughed a little, but then he croaked out my name again, and this time I knew it hadn't been a figment of my imagination.

I spun around slowly, to where James' family looked every bit as shocked as I was. Thought I had James' attention, theirs was fully focused on their son.

"James… Oh my God." His mother broke down into tears as she reached for his face, and then seemed to remember his wounds and kissed his forehead instead. They huddled around him, tears flowing as they hugged one another. "You have no idea how worried we were."

"Mom?" James' brow furrowed as he looked between his parents. "Dad? You look...different." He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. "Am I dreaming?"

"No, baby. You're awake now. You're gonna be just fine."

"I don't understand." James' gaze shifted to his brother and he frowned. "Do I know you?"

His mom put her arm around the boy's shoulders and pulled him closer. "You don't know who this is?" She asked gently, as the teens eyes started to glisten slightly.

James squinted at him. "I...I don't think so. He seems kind of familiar…"

"It's Shane." She said. "Your brother."

"No." James said, shaking his head. "Shane's only seven."

 _It's probably just the sedation_ , I wanted to say, but I didn't want to attract any more notice than I already had.

"Seven?" His mom looked taken aback, but recovered quickly. "Go get the doctor or nurse." She said in a low voice to her husband, who nodded, but when he turned around, he realized there was still a stranger in their midst. Me.

"Logan, was it?" He asked, eyeing me up and down as if what I wore would give me away. At least I wasn't in my full uniform.

"Yes, sir."

"How do you know my son?"

"I…" How to answer that question without losing my job or giving up the goods that I had a big gay crush on their son?

 _Oh fuck it._ Kendall always said that a life without risks is a life unlived.

But it turned out I didn't have to answer at all, because James spoke up again.

"He helped me." Our eyes all shot to James, who stared at me with an expression that looked something like curiosity. And appreciation. "You.. you told me to fight."

I stopped breathing then. How on earth did he remember that, but he didn't remember his brother was now a teenager?

"Is that true?" James' father asked. "Are you one of the doctors here?"

I shook my head, and my voice caught in my throat. "No, I'm just a paramedic."

" _Just_ a paramedic?" His mother said, walking over to me. "Just a paramedic that saved our son's life?"

"I…" My eyes flew back to James, who was still watching me, and I swallowed hard. "It's...it's my job."

James' father surprised me then by bringing me in for a fierce hug.

"Thank you. Thank you." He whispered, again and again, squeezing me tight before pulling away. Then he wiped his face and said, "I'd better go see about that nurse."

As he left the room, I stood there awkwardly as James' mom watched me.

"How bad was it?" She asked, and I knew exactly what she meant.

I gripped the back of my neck and looked down, not wanting to relive the accident so that she could see it play out on my face. "Bad. Really bad."

"Thank you." She said, her voice wavering, and I looked up to see her twisting her fingers together. "Thank you for what you did for James and for checking on him. He might not be here if it weren't for you."

God, I didn't even want to think about that. The what-might've-beens. Things had happened for a reason, exactly like they were supposed to. I had to believe that, though I wished he hadn't had to go through any pain.

"I should leave you all to...catch up." I said, and then I looked over at James. He would no doubt be overwhelmed by everything that had happened to him the last few days, and he'd need time to heal, to be with family, to remember. "I'm really glad to see you awake."

"I'll see you again, right?" He asked, and the endearing way he looked up at me then made me want to give him whatever he asked.

And so I did. "You can count on it."

* * *

 **Done! So, James is awake! But it looks like there might be a couple things to work out. At least he's alive though! :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **I will try and have the next one by next weekend at the latest.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another update! Before we get started, I'd like to give a huge thank you to everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn, Guest, Side1ways, spookje10, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing! I'm so glad you all are enjoying the story so far! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

 **Six Weeks Later**

The second half of February was proving to be miserably cold. There'd been a dusting of snow last week, but now it was nothing but below-normal temps and wind gusts.

That hadn't stopped me from taking my daily five-mile runs. As I locked my front door, I thought again about stopping by the hardware store this week for paint. The door was chipped and faded, no longer the bright red it had been when I bought the house. Come to think of it, the hunter green shutters could also use a fresh coat of paint, ad shriveled leaves still littered the lawn from fall's damage months ago. Unfortunately, my two-bedroom was in need of more love and care than I'd had time for lately, having again taken on more shifts than usual, since we were down a paramedic. I could've used several more hours in a day...or a clone.

' _It's fine. I'll fix it up when spring hits.'_ I thought, heading down the front porch steps, and as I did, one of the bricks came loose, wobbling beneath my foot.

 _Great._ Another thing to add to the list. Not that I had any reason to complain. All in all, it was a cozy home, a nicer one than I should've expected on my meager budget.

After shoving the house key inside my sweatshirt pocket, I began a slow jog across the street toward the lake that served as the central point of the neighborhood. A wide sidewalk lined the entire circumference of the lake, and since it measured almost exactly half a mile around, it made it easy to keep track of my laps.

I started out with an easy pace, letting my muscles warm up to the cold. Running was a way to clear my mind from everything work related that threatened to drive me crazy. Pushing myself was the only way I'd found to let go of what I couldn't control and put it behind me, so I guess it was a therapy of sorts.

The past week had been unusually rough, the icy conditions in the mornings caused a slew of car accidents, and with every call we responded to, my mind went back to James.

I hadn't seen him since the day he woke up, but… I thought of him often. My guess was that he was still recovering and hadn't yet gone back to work, but I didn't know for sure. We didn't have any mutual friends in common, that I knew of, to ask how he was doing, and I wouldn't even dream of tracking down his address to find out for myself. Okay, that was a total lie. Maybe I'd thought about it, but I didn't think I would actually do it.

At the halfway mark directly across from my house, I upped my pace, enjoying the burn in my muscles as they stretched. My breath came out in white clouds as I took in the clear, crisp day, and it hadn't escaped my notice that I'd only passed a small handful of joggers and walkers out this morning. Usually, it wasn't surprising to see families feeding the ducks that hung around the lake, or nearly bump into kids on their bike, but freezing weather didn't entice people to leave their comfy beds.

' _Bunch of slackers.'_ I thought with a chuckle.

"Logan?"

I was so thrown off guard by the voice that had come from behind me that I nearly ate pavement when my knees threatened to go out. I slowed to a stop and then turned around, lifting a hand up as I squinted in the bright sun. When I got a good look at who it was, my jaw dropped.

"James?" I said, completely dumbstruck that he could be standing a few feet away, in my neighborhood of all places. It was like thinking about him just made him materialize.

In a pair of black athletic pants and matching jacket, and wearing a beanie cap, James crossed the patch of grass that separated the walking path from the houses that backed up to the lake. His smile was friendly as he walked toward me. "I thought that was you."

"Wow. You look…" _Unbelievably handsome? Surreal? Alive?_

"Better?" He chuckled and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Yeah, kinda hard not to be."

"Definitely better than the last time I saw you." I tried not to give him a once-over, but it was proving impossible. I'd almost forgotten how gorgeous the guy was. "Are you, uh..doing okay?

"I am, yeah." He looked down at himself and then smiled back up at me. "My body's all healed, just waiting for my mind to catch up."

 _Oh no…_ "What do you mean?" Even though I knew exactly what he meant.

"The doctors told me I might have some short-term memory loss due to the accident and the amount of drugs they used to keep me in a coma for a few days. Seems to a bit more permanent, though."

 _Jesus._ "I'm really sorry to hear that."

"It's okay. Frustrating, but…" He shrugged and kicked a small rock on the path into the lake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stop your run, it's just...well, I don't recognize many people nowadays, so I guess I got excited to see a familiar face."

 _Familiar...me?_ I _was familiar? Definitely surreal._

"I also wanted to say thank you." He went on. "It's strange that I can't remember much from before my accident, but I remember what you did for me." His voice dropped low. "I don't think I could ever forget."

Despite the cold, heat crept up my neck. My first instinct was always to downplay my role, but with James, I found myself saying, "I'm just glad to see you're doing better."

We stood there awkwardly, neither of us really seeming to know what to say. But then again, we didn't actually know each other, did we?

"Did you… Were you going for a walk?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. I've been trying to get some fresh air. Slowly get myself back up to speed, you know?"

 _Screw my run._ I wasn't about to pass up the chance smacking me in the face. "Would you like to join me? I don't really feel much like running this morning anyway."

James' face lit up. "Sure."

I moved to the outside of the path so he could take the shorter inside and then let him set the pace, not wanting him to overdo it.

"Is this too slow?" He asked as we settled into a casual stride. Not speed-walking, but not exactly a leisurely stroll either.

"Not at all. This is great."

"I've been trying to work up to sprints. I'm just not quite there yet."

"Oh yeah? Do you run?" _Shit, how would he remember that?_ "I mean, uh…"

James laughed. "I know what you mean. And I don't _think_ so. From what I've been told, I wasn't really into sports all that much. I played hockey from time to time and went for walks, but I wasn't too active."

I chuckled at that. I didn't need to look him up and down again to see that he was probably wrong about not breaking a sweat regularly. He was a little leaner than he'd been before the accident, but prior to that, James had an athletic build that I'd taken notice of, and thought about often, so he had to be spending _some_ time in a gym.

As we passed by my house, I said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"You can. I might not know the answer, though." He joked.

"Maybe not." I said, my lips quirked up. "But… what exactly _do_ you remember?"

He fell silent beside me and looked out at the ducks passing by the water.

"It's weird. I remember pieces from the day of the accident. Like stopping at a gas station for a drink, but they didn't have what I wanted." His cheeks tinged the slightest shade of pink as he said, "I remember your face. I know we spoke, but I have no clue what was said. I know I was dressed up to go somewhere, to work, I think, but I can't tell you where that is or what I did. And before that? I guess that's where it gets tricky." He pulled his beanie down and blew out a puff of air.

"When I woke up in the hospital and saw my parents, I thought I was dreaming. They look older than the last time I saw them. And Shane, my brother? He's not even in middle school yet, but they tell me he's getting ready to graduate high school. And, sure, he looks it. But my brain doesn't really comprehend that I seem to be missing a ten-year chunk of my life."

I let out a low whistle. "Damn. Ten years? So that'd make you, what?"

"Seventeen." He said. "Almost eighteen. But my driver's license says twenty-seven."

Oh my God. _Seventeen_? He thought he was still _seventeen_? I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with that information besides internally freak out.

"It's not all cut and dry, though." He continued. "I have flashes of things that seem to have come after high school, and I remember a few things here and there, but nothing really makes sense."

"Like watching a movie of your life, only you don't really recognize the characters."

He squinted at me, the sun in his eyes. "Exactly."

We were coming back up to the house we'd come down from, and I inclined my head toward it. "Is that your house?"

"What?" He followed my gaze. "Oh. No, it's my parent's place. I've been staying with them since…" He shrugged. "The house they say is mine doesn't feel like mine."

"I can't imagine." What would it be like to lose all that time, all those memories? The people you knew, the places you went. Your job. Your whole life as you knew it, bam, gone in a flash. And would he ever get them back, or would he have to basically start over from scratch? How did you push a reset button on your life?

"Enough about all that." James said, breaking through my thoughts. "Tell me about you."

"What about me?"

"Well, considering the only thing I know about you is that your job is to keep people from dying, I'd say tell me everything."

I laughed. "You don't want to know everything."

"Sure I do. We'll start easy. How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

"And are you married? Have a girlfriend?"

I almost choked out a laugh. "No. And no." And then, to state what would become obvious soon enough, I said, "No boyfriend, either."

James did a double take. "Oh." He said, not seeming bothered by it, but rather like he hadn't considered it. "Why not?"

"I guess you could say I'm married to my job." _Oh, and I seem to have it bad for a seventeen-going-on-twenty-seven-year-old guy who can't remember much of anything about the past ten years of his life._

"So you live alone?"

"Just me, myself, and I."

"Any pets?"

"Nope."

"Is your real name Logan?"

I shook my head. "Technically, my real name is Hortense. But I hate the name so I just started going with Logan."

"Logan…?"

"Mitchell." I said, and when I stopped walking, he looked back at me and then backtracked over.

"What? Did I ask too many questions?"

"No. It's just that you never told me _your_ mane, James…"

"Oh. Diamond. James Diamond."

"Pleasure to meet you, James Diamond." _Freakin' Diamond? I'll be damned if that's not the most perfect name for this guy_. I held out my hand, and he stared at it for a moment before he shook my hand with a lopsided smile crossed his face.

"Nice to meet you too, Logan Mitchell."

I let go of his hand, not because I wanted to, but because he might start to question why I wanted to link fingers so soon after introducing ourselves.

As we began to walk again, James said, "I'm really glad I ran into you today, Logan."

"Me too." I said, trying to keep my voice nonchalant. "I'm glad to see you on your feet."

"I wasn't sure how to reach you. You know, to tell you how grateful I am for what you did."

"You don't have to do that."

"You're kidding, right?" James shook his head. "You go around saving lives like some kind of superhero and don't even want to accept a 'thank you'?"

I snorted. "A superhero?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think I've ever been called that before." I said. "Which one?"

"Which superhero?"

"Yeah. If I'm gonna be one, I better at least be one of the good ones."

When James' brow furrowed, I realized too late that, shit, maybe he didn't remember any of the characters names. But then he said, "Superman."

"Whew. I'm so glad you didn't say Ant-Man."

"Who?"

"Uh, never mind."

I was surprised how easy the conversation flowed as one mile turned into two. James had a never-ending set of questions for me, and I was only too happy to answer every single one. For someone who'd gone through what he had in the past few weeks, he was remarkably... not bitter. Instead, he was curious, friendly, and open. As open as he could be, anyway.

As we closed in on our fifth lap around the lake, I could see that he was starting to get a bit winded. From the little I knew about him, he seemed to be the type who would power on even if he wasn't feeling up to it, so I decided to give him an easy out.

"I should probably head back home, get ready for work." I said as we reached the stretch his parents' house sat on.

"Oh." James said, the expression crossing his face equal parts relieved and disappointed. "You work on weekends too?"

"Not usually, but I've been covering more shifts lately."

"Does that leave any time for fun?"

Fun? What was that? I'd always been the guy my friends called to hang out, but I'd turned them down so much working crazy overtime that they'd stopped asking. Damn, when had I become so lame? "Not much." I admitted. Though that needed to change, and soon. Although I'd said that after Christmas too…

"That's too bad. I think you work too hard."

As we slowed to a stop, I gripped the back of my neck before lightly scratching it. "You might be right."

"I _am_ right."

"And you look _way_ too smug about that."

"I'll be smug when you tell me you took a day off to go bowling or something."

"Bowling?"

"Or bar-hopping or hiking or whatever it is you do for fun."

"Bowling." I said again, laughing. "Well, I'll keep you posted on how it goes."

"You do that. And Logan?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for the walk."

"Anytime." _Really. Feel free to join me anytime._

"Are you out here everyday?"

"About five days out of the week, usually. I've been working a lot lately, so sometimes it's still dark out."

"Okay. Maybe I'll catch you out again soon." He said, and it sounded like a question to my ears.

"Well, it looks like we're neighbors, at least for now, so I don't think you can get rid of me."

I hadn't meant it the way it came out, and I hoped he wouldn't get the wrong impression. Well, it was the right impression, but I hadn't meant to give it to him or anything so… _Ah, shit. Screw it._

"It'd be nice to have a friend nearby." He said, pushing his hands in his pockets. "One I remember, anyway."

 _Friend._ Yeah, I'd always had a lot more than friendly feelings for James, but I could handle this friendship thing. There was something so endearing about his straightforwardness, and the inquisitive, open way he approached the world after the trauma he'd gone through. I'd always thought of him as just a bit reserved, maybe hesitant, when I'd seen him at Gustavo's, but this version of James seemed to be anything but shy.

"See you later, Logan." He said as he headed across the patch of grass that led to the gate of his parents' backyard. As he went to pull the gate shut behind himself, I stopped staring long enough to wave goodbye.

But who was I kidding? This was so far from goodbye that it was practically a new beginning.

* * *

 **Done! So James and Logan seem to have reached "friend-status" pretty quickly! And it seems that James is suffering some setbacks in the memory department, but he seems to be handling it pretty well.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **I'm almost done with the next chapter, so hopefully it'll be up tomorrow!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello! :D As promised, I'm back to deliver another chapter! But of course, before we get started, I'd like to thank everyone that read the last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge shout-out to Side1ways, winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn, RainbowDiamonds, and spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

"About damn time you answered your phone." Kendall said when I picked up my cell the next afternoon. "Jo's asked me to call you about fifty times today."

"It's my day off, what do you want?" I yawned as I shoved my feet into a pair of shoes to go check the mail, since I'd forgotten to yesterday. As soon as I stepped outside, I regretted it. Fuck, it was cold.

"Jo's making lasagna. Wanted to know if you'd like to come over later."

"Lasagna, huh? I dunno. Sounds suspiciously like a pity invitation to me."

"Come on, you've gotta eat. Besides, she's got a friend she's been wanting you to meet and-"

"And there it is." I said while shaking my head. "I never thought you'd set me up man. That's cold."

"What's cold is your bed. I'm just trying to help out a friend here."

"I don't need any help."

"If I have to watch you wait at Gustavo's one more time for that guy to walk in-"

"I don't wait." I said, rolling my eyes and pulling a thick stack of envelopes out of the mailbox. Okay, scratch that. Maybe I hadn't checked it all week. "Tell you what, call the guys up and we'll go to the bar one night this week."

"Yeah? I'm down for that. Oh, and I meant to ask you…"

Whatever he'd started to say went in one ear and out the other when I looked up and saw James walking the lake path and coming up my street. He had evidently already seen me, becuase there was a smile on his face as he waved in my direction.

"Loges?" Kendall said, only slightly breaking me out of my thoughts. "Did you hear what I said?"

Mail in hand, I waved at James to come over, and as he crossed the street, I said, "Kendall, I'll call you back."

"Wait, are you coming tonight?"

"Later." I said, and hit the end call button just as James stepped up onto the curb. Without a hat on, I could see that his hair was starting grow back, getting closer to the length it was before the accident. "Hey. You found me."

"Well, I was in the neighborhood and all." He joked. "Just getting some fresh air."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow. Dressed in dark jeans that sat a little loose on his hips and a collared shirt and light jacket, he didn't really look like someone going out for a walk. But with the way his nose and cheeks were tinged pink from the cold, it did look like he'd been outside a while.

"Yeah." His eyes dropped to my clothes. "Did you just wake up?"

I looked down at the faded blue t-shirt and sweatpants I'd fallen asleep in when I got home late last night. I probably looked like a rumpled mess, and there was no telling what my hair was up to. Running my free hand over the slept-in strands, I said, "Busted."

"Late night, huh? Work or pleasure?"

"Pretty sure you know the answer to that." I said.

"I thought maybe you'd taken up my suggestion of bowling."

"I wouldn't think of going without you." The words slipped out before I could stop them, but once they were out there, it didn't seem like such a crazy idea.

"That would be cool. I mean, as long as you don't think I'm some kind of charity case."

He said it like a joke, but there seemed to be a bit of truth behind the lighthearted tone. The thought was laughable to me, and I realized then that maybe he was as lonely as I was, for different reasons. "Not at all. We should do it."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely."

James' relieved expression turned apprehensive.

"Look, I'm sorry if this is weird, it's just...everyone feels like a stranger right now. And I know you said we don't really know each other, but…" He bit down on his lip. "You're the only person who feels familiar to me."

It was ridiculous how much my heart thrilled at his words, even as my head tried to remind me that I was dealing with someone with a traumatic brain injury who'd had his whole world turned upside down. _Not exactly the time to be swooning, Logan._

James pulled his jacket tighter, and it was then that I realized how damn cold it was, and like an asshole, I'd left him outside to freeze. Not to mention, I was still in a thin t-shirt.

Remembering my manners, I inclined my head towards the house, "Do you, uh, want to come in?"

James lips tilted up into a grateful smile, and when he nodded, I shut the mailbox, my stomach flipping, and headed up the walkway to the front door.

"Be careful on this step." I said, kicking at the unsteady brick on the third stair. James sidestepped it as I opened the door and moved aside for him to go in first.

He entered tentatively, like any stranger walking into someone else's house would. Seeing him there, heading down the hall, was utterly surreal. How had life dealt a hand that had James _walking through my house_ right now?

He came to a stop as the hallway opened up into the living area, and I was grateful at the moment that I wasn't a slob. Not much of a decorator either. A couple of comfy grey couches, an oversized recliner chair, glass coffee table, TV, and entertainment center. Nothing on the walls except a massive framed abstract picture that hung over the couch. Clean. Simple.

"You've got a great place." He said.

"It's nothing fancy, but it's home."

"I like it." His hands disappeared into his jacket pockets. "I think I must've had a decorator work on mine or something, because none of it really seems like anything I'd like. I mean, it's nice, but...not homey, if that makes any sense."

"Perfect sense. Can I get you some coffee or anything?"

"Oh, I don't drink coffee, but water would be great."

 _Doesn't drink coffee…?_ Guess no one had clued him in on his latte habit. "One water coming right up."

"Thanks." He said, as he glanced at my collection of movies stacked full on one of the entertainment center shelves. "By the way, I searched online for Ant-Man yesterday. Ended up watching the movie."

"Oh yeah? And?"

"Not bad. But I still say if you're gonna be a superhero, Superman's the way to go."

"I don't think anyone would disagree with you about that." I said, handing him an iced water and then headed back to the kitchen to fill up a mug with coffee for me. When I came back, James was still standing in the same spot and sipping on his drink. I gestured toward the couches. "The couches don't bite, you know."

"Oh...right. Of course." He said, rounding the coffee table and taking a seat in the middle of the couch, while I took the recliner.

Lifting the mug to my lips, I took a sip and then said, "So."

"So." He picked up one of the picture frames on the coffee table. "Is this you and your family?"

"It is."

"Only child?"

"Just me."

"Do your parents live around here?"

I shook my head. "Just me."

"You're not very forthcoming, are you?" He teased. "Where do they live now?"

"They don't. They passed away when I was seventeen."

James' mouth snapped shut and he looked back at the photo. "Well now I feel like a total ass. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was a long time ago."

"If you don't mind me asking, how did they…"

"Die? Car accident."

James' head shot up at that piece of information.

"A truck driver had been on the road too long. Fell asleep at the wheel. He veered into our lane before my dad could move, and hit us head-on."

"Shit, Logan." James set the picture back down.

"So I know what it's like to wake up and not know who you are. I didn't for a few days, and even when my memories came back, I wished to God they hadn't."

He was quiet for a long time. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that."

"It's okay. Makes you grow up fast."

"Is that why you decided to go into the medical field?"

"Good guess."

"If I'm asking too many questions, you can tell me to shut up."

I chuckled. "I imagine you have a lot of questions in general right now."

"That I do."

"Then fire away."

"Yeah? You asked for it." He said, then took a sip of his water and leaned back on the couch, one arm spread along the back. "Why'd you decide to become a paramedic? Why not a nurse or doctor?"

"I think the decision was made for me the night of my accident. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the guy who got to me first. He was able to get me out of the car before it caught fire. He saved me. Stayed with me. Gave me a fighting chance. I want to be that for other people. I want to be the first one on the scene to try and give someone else that chance."

"Like me?" James said, a small smile curving his lips.

"Like you."

"That's pretty brave. Do you ever get scared?"

"All the time." _Especially when I saw a certain someone's crushed midnight blue Mazda 3…_

"I don't think I could ever be in the medical field. I'd probably pass out at the first sight of blood."

"You wouldn't believe how common that is." I said as I ran a hand over my hair. It occured to me then that I was still in my clothes that I slept in with my hair doing what-the-hell-ever, while James sat on my couch in perfectly fitted jeans. Oh well. Too late now. I coughed to clear my throat and took another drink of coffee before saying, "My best friend, Kendall...his first day on the job, and we got called out for a fall. So we get there and the guy had cut his cheek pretty good when he fell. Had blood running down his chin and neck. But the thing about facial lacerations is that they bleed like crazy, so it looked worse than it was. I sent Kendall out to get some supplies and later found out he'd puked his guts everywhere. All over the bushes, the sidewalk. He will never, ever live that down."

James let out a loud genuine belly laugh. "That would be me. Needle prick and I'm out."

"Yeah, maybe stick to teaching those middle schoolers." _Oh. Wait. Open mouth, insert foot. Again._ "I mean...if you ever go back to it. Shit, sorry."

Confusion filled his face. "Wait, that's what I do? How did you know I did that? Taught middle schoolers?"

"You told me. The day of…" I gestured in his general area and realization dawned in his eyes.

"Oh. So that's what we talked about? My job?"

"Mhmm. You said you had been teaching for a few months and they could be a handful."

"Huh." He scooted forward on the couch, his elbows on his knees. "So let me get this straight. We'd never spoken before, but I complained to you about my job?"

"To be fair, you were having kind of a shit morning." I shrugged. "The latte machine was down."

James looked at me like I'd lost my mind, and then he began to chucke, softly at first, and then louder until he dissolved into a fit of hysterics. I didn't know what he found so funny, but his laughter was contagious and had me grinning. No matter what the cause, it was good to see him laugh like that.

"I don't know why I'm laughing." He said, coughing as he tried to get a hold of himself. "I know this isn't funny at all. I just find it weird that my day was horrible because of supposedly scary middle schoolers and a broken machine. What'd it do, spew coffee all over me when I walked past it or something?"

"I almost wish it had. Then what happened after could've been avoided." I clamped my mouth shut and scrubbed my face. Obviously I hadn't meant for that to come out the way it probably sounded to James' ears, and I attempted to clarify. "I only mean so you wouldn't have been in the accident-"

"I know what you mean." James said, sweet understanding in his smile. "But I guess that leads me to something else I've been curious about. Something personal."

 _Personal, huh?_ Five bucks said the word _gay_ came out of his mouth next, but since I'd been prepared for that, I said, "You can ask me anything."

He dropped his eyes down to where he was rolling the glass between his hands. "Why did you come visit me in the hospital?"

 _Okaaay,_ so not _the word_ gay. Instead, he'd asked the one question I really didn't want to answer.

"Is that something you do with all the people you help?" He asked.

I thought about lying, telling him I always snuck into patient's rooms to check up on them, but when I saw the sincerity in his eyes, I couldn't fudge the truth.

"Honest answer?" I asked, and he nodded. "No. No, I never visit patients after we transition them over to the hospital." Before he could ask the question I knew was on the tip of his tongue, I added, "Sometimes I check on them in other ways. Call up to the ER, and if a friend picks up the phone, they'll give me a brief rundown. But I shouldn't even be doing that, because it's a patient privacy violation."

James' brows lifted. "It is?"

"Yes."

"And the day of the accident was the first time we ever spoke?"

"Yes."

He rubbed his forehead, as if he was deep in thought as he took in what I'd said. "Then I don't understand. Don't take this the wrong way, but...why were you in my room when I woke up?"

"Because…" I was at a loss for words. "You have to understand, I saw you everyday. You always came into the same place I did and you got your daily latte. Yes, you drink coffee. And I don't know… No, we didn't know each other, but it felt kinda like I knew you. You were familiar to me. A constant in my life that I could count on being there every morning. And when I took the call and saw that it was you in that accident? I had to know that you were okay once I left, whether it was wrong or not."

James didn't move, didn't blink. Just stared at me as he seemed to process what I said. Or maybe he was seeing through what I said to the other why, which didn't need to be mentioned. But then he nodded and looked down at the drink in his hands.

"I appreciate that, I really do. I hope I would've done the same for you, had our positions been reversed." He went to lift his glass to his lips and stopped. "Wait, did you say I drink coffee?"

I couldn't help the chuckle that left me as I lifted my mug. "Only a latte everyday. Have you even tried coffee lately?"

"No. I just assumed I hated it."

"Want to try some?"

"Uh...I'll take a raincheck." He said, then finished off his water. "So...did you have any plans today besides answering all my questions? I'm guessing you probably have to work, huh?"

"No, I'm off today. Several things I could be doing, I guess, but I don't usually get to relax and do a whole lot of nothing."

"And here I am, bugging the hell out of you." James said before getting to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"I think I've probably taken up enough of your time."

"What? No, stay." Then before I knew it was going to come out, I said, "How do you feel about pizza? And maybe a movie? I promise I have something better than Ant-Man in my stash."

The line between James' brow creased. "You want me to stay?"

 _Hell yes, I do._ But now wasn't the time for _that_ much enthusiasm. "Sure. No pressure, but you look like you could use a chill day yourself."

James chewed on his lip as he seemed to debate with himself, and I wondered what it was that made him want to leave. Did he feel like he was stepping on my toes? Or, worse, did he think I'd hit on him or something? "If you're sure…"

"I'm sure. But there is something important we need to discuss if you stay."

James sat back down on the couch. "And what's that?"

"Pepperoni or sausage?"

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it, more Jagan cuteness as well as a little Kogan banter :P You also got some of Logan's backstory!**

 **As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **I'm hoping to have the next chapter up within the next few days, so until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with another chapter, albeit a very short one :P**

 **Before we get to that, a huge thank you goes out to everyone that read the last chapter! I'd also like to give a shout-out to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

"Oh no." Kendall said, coming up to where I was seated in the back of the rig checking inventory the next day.

"What's wrong?"

He scrunched up his nose. "You've got that butt-ugly grin on your face again."

"Screw you." I chuckled, rolling my eyes as I went back to my checklist.

"This have something to do with why you stood me and Jo up last night? You get a better offer?" He teased.

"Look, no offense, because you know I love you guys, but I can think of about a million different things I'd rather be doing instead of getting set up."

"You're avoiding my question."

"I'm not."

"Dude, you so are. Who's the cause of you looking way too happy this early in the morning?"

"Why does it have to be a who? Maybe I finally got some damn sleep. It _was_ my day off."

Kendall snorted. "I guaran-fucking-tee sleep is one thing you did not get."

"You're a perv."

"And _you're_ holding out on me."

I knew Kendall well enough to know that he wouldn't stop poking until the truth came out. Served me right, because if the positions were reversed, I'd do the same.

Lowering the clipboard, I said, "If I tell you, you have to promise not to go all big deal about it."

"Sooo, it's a big deal but you don't want me to act like it is? Got it."

"That's not-" I started before settling on just shaking my head before giving him the condensed version of how James and I had run into each other and become friends over the past couple of days. I hadn't even gotten through the part about dinner tonight when he interrupted me.

"Whoa, whoa, hold on a sec. You're seeing him again? Tonight?"

 _Oh, here we go._ "We're just going to get something to eat-"

"Shut the hell up!" Kendall exclaimed and cheered loud enough that one of our co-workers stuck her head inside to see what the commotion was about. Kendall was oblivious as he pointed at me. "Are you serious? That's a date!"

"It's not a date."

"It _is_ a date."

"It's dinner."

"Yeah, a dinner _date_."

I threw the clipboard at him, and he caught it, laughing. "You got the rest of this?" I asked.

"Why? Do you need to get ready for your date?"

Shaking my head, I jumped down out of the rig and ignored Kendall's simulated sex noises behind me. _Jesus_. I really couldn't take that guy anywhere.

Before I could get out of the garage, Kendall decided it would be a good idea to wake up the whole building, because his voice boomed off the walls as he shouted, "Hey, Logan! Make sure you put out on the first date!" When I turned to look at him in horror, he winked at me. "Guys like that."

I really needed someone to remind me why I was friends with that guy.

With my middle fingers aimed his way, I left the room with the sound of his laughter following me down the hall.

* * *

 **Done! So, this was a very short chapter and pretty much a lead in to the next one, which I'm almost finished with. It was starting to get pretty lengthy so I decided to use this as a lead in so that the entirety of the next chapter will be focused on Jagan's "date." I also thought it was a good time to throw in some Kogan banter and to get a little humor after the emotional roller coaster of the past few chapters :P**

 **I hope you all enjoyed it, even though it was short! The next chapter will be up either tomorrow or Saturday so I will see you all very soon. I also may or may not be working on another Kames story that may or may not be coming within the next week or so ;)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with the next chapter! As always, I'd love to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge shout-out to Side1ways, winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn and spookje10 for reviewing! :D**

 **Time for Jagan's 'date!' I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Okay, I don't know if I've ever been there to say this before, but that was hands down the best food I've ever eaten in my life." James said as he rubbed his stomach appreciatively as I held the door that led out of Fish City Grill open.

As the door shut behind us, I chuckled and wrapped my scarf around my neck to ward off the chill in the air. "I don't think I've seen anyone eat that many crab legs before. I'm glad you liked it."

"Like is not a strong enough word." He said, stopping halfway down the pier to look down at something in the dark lake. "You think they get their fish out of here?"

"Probably some of it."

"Ugh, I can't think about more food right now." He said, pushing off the rail. "You don't mind me rolling down the street, do you? I may not make it to the car."

"I'd carry you, but the height difference and the fifty pounds of crab meat in your stomach may slow us down."

James glanced back at me, his eyes gleaming under the streetlamp. "That's a pretty nice offer."

"It would be if I meant it." I pushed my hands into my jacket pockets so I wouldn't be tempted to do something stupid, like grab his hand, and then nudged him as I passed. "Come on, slowpoke."

"I'm not slow. I'm full."

I chuckled as he pretended to shuffle along behind me, and I slowed down enough for him to catch up.

"Have you been down here lately?" I asked, nodding towards the street ahead. Translation: _Do you remember this area at all?_ When he shook his head, I looked out at all the tiny white lights around the trees lining the streets, giving downtown a festive glow for what was sometimes a dreary February. "Care to take a look around?"

James smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

We walked along the sidewalk, and I pointed out each of the stops, restaurants, and bars we passed, many of which would be closing soon. James listened enthusiastically, asking questions or cracking jokes while we peered inside the storefront windows.

When we came up to a music store, James stopped and squinted up at the signage before looking at the store window and back again.

"I...I know this place." He murmured, stepping up to the window to peer inside.

"You've been here before?"

"I think so." He scanned over the various instruments, guitars, and a drum set, but when his eyes landed on the baby grand piano, his hand came up to the glass.

"What is it?" When he continued to stare, I checked the shop hours. Still open. "Do you want to go inside?"

"I think I do." He said softly. Pushing off the doorframe, he entered the small shop like he was in a trance, and I could only imagine what was going through his mind right now. Was something coming back to him? Would this be the beginning, the incident the triggered his memories flooding the dark spaces in his mind?

The door shut behind us, and a woman came out from the back of the shop and greeted us warmly before getting a good look at James.

"Hey! I didn't know you'd be stopping by! It's so good to see you. You better come here." She took a hold of James' shoulders and pulled him in for a big hug while he looked over at me as if to ask who the hell the woman was.

When she pulled back, James gave her a hesitant smile and said, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why, how could I ever forget such a talented performer as you, James Diamond." She chuckled. "Besides, you know very well you've always been my favorite. It's been so long since you've come by, though. What can I do for you?"

James stared at the woman as if trying to place exactly how he knew her, and when he didn't respond after a few beats, I gave him a subtle nudge. He blinked, shaking his head. "Oh, uh...I don't suppose you'd mind if I…" James looked toward the baby grand piano, and the woman gasped.

"James, of course I wouldn't mind. Go ahead." She said, gesturing toward the instrument.

I followed behind him as he ran a hand reverently over the top of the piano.

"You play?" I asked.

"Yes." He whispered, and then he sat down on the bench, his back straight and his fingers hovering over the keys. He certainly looked like he could maybe be a musician, but it wasn't until his hands moved smoothly across the keys, as if getting familiar with them, that I realized he didn't just look the part of a possible musician, he _was_ the part.

A soft, mournful melody filled the shop, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the woman leaning against the back counter, her hands clasped together, smiling.

I rounded the piano and sat next to James on the bench as he continued to play, his movements no longer tentative, but masterful. "That's beautiful."

"Thank you." He said without missing a note. The way his hands glided so gracefully over the keys was mesmerizing, and I knew without a doubt that I could watch him play for hours. I wanted to ask him where he'd learned to play. I wanted to ask him so many things, but for now, I was content to listen.

"Someone came to visit me today." He said quietly.

"Oh?"

"She said we dated for several years."

I ignored the sting in my chest. "You don't remember her?"

"Not really. Lucy was her name. She was really nice, though. Beautiful. I can see why I'd be attracted to her."

The way he spoke so nonchalantly about his past love, a woman, only served as a reminder that James wouldn't ever be an option for me. It slapped me dead in the face, as if to say, _Wake up, stupid,_ and I couldn't help but flinch. It wasn't as though I'd forgotten James was straight. No, it was more like the thought hadn't occurred to me to even matter. We were just getting to know each other, but faced with the knowledge of a woman from his past...Well, shit. That was painful, even though it really shouldn't be.

"She helped me piece together a few things." James said as his long, elegant fingers danced across the keys. "I had wondered why I'd gone into teaching when all I ever wanted to do when I was younger was tour the world playing music. Turns out-" His hand drifted down to the end of the keys, and a twinkling flutter of notes rang out. "I did."

My brows lifted. "You toured? Playing the piano?"

"Mhmm. Lucy had a scrapbook of photos she'd kept of me at different venues all over the country. Small venues, of course, nothing major, but still. I was doing it."

"Did she," I swallowed. "Mention your relationship at all? Why you broke up?"

"No. And I didn't ask. This is gonna sound strange, but...I didn't know what to say to her. I've asked you, someone I barely knew in my other life, a hundred questions, yet this person I supposedly spent years of my life with, nothing." The melody changed then, swirling a heated rumble of low notes. "She showed me the photos of us together, traveling, spending holidays with my family. It felt like I was looking at someone else's life. I don't understand it. I just get so...angry. There's all these blank spaces, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or who I am, or how to get my life back."

He battered the keys as his emotions poured out. "Or even if I _want_ that life back. From what I've seen, I can't say that I do. Like...I want to start over. Fresh slate, new start, but I don't even know how to do that." He choked on his words and jerked his hands back.

In the silence that filled the room without the music, the only sound that could be heard was his breath coming out in ragged pants. Without thinking it through, I put my hand on his back, wanting to somehow relieve him of the panic and frustration that warred inside him. He didn't move away, letting me rub slow circles along his spine as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm trying so hard."

"It's okay. You don't have to be brave all the time."

James let out a strangled laugh. "Says Superman."

"I'll tell you a secret." I said, and waited until his eyes were on mine. Sadness swirled in their hazel depths, and I wished to God I could wipe it away. Give him the fresh start he needed. There was something so trusting about the guy sitting beside me, and it was why I didn't hesitate in what I said next. "I've never been as scared as I was the day I saw you facedown in your car. I think I prayed more that day than I ever have in my life."

"Really?" He asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Because you were somebody to me, whether we knew each other or not. I knew your life could depend on how fast I could get you out of that car. How quickly we could get you stabilized and to the hospital. I guarantee you I wasn't feeling very brave then."

James' eyes welled as I held his gaze, so he could feel the truth in my words. I didn't care if he saw through me then, I only wanted him to feel the human-to-human connection he so desperately needed.

He swallowed hard before dropping his eyes, his lids falling shut. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Straightening again, he took a deep breath, and I dropped my hand from his back. My arm brushed alongside his, sending goosebumps down my spine and a visible tremor through James. Then he began to play, his fingers sliding across the keys once more.

The melancholy from earlier shifted into something more peaceful, almost like a lullaby I could fall asleep to.

"I like this one. Do you know what it is?"

"I''m not playing this from memory." He said softly, and as he continued to make up the song as he went along, I let my eyes drift shut. All too soon, though, it was over, and James chuckled as he gently pushed into me.

"I made you fall asleep. That's not good." He said, his lips curved up slightly in a small smile.

"I don't think I've been so relaxed in weeks. I could listen to that every night."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should. It was beautiful." I glanced over to see if the woman was still around, but after James' emotional display, she must've slipped off to the back to give us some privacy. "You know, I think the woman who works here was your teacher."

"She's not the one I grew up with, I remember that much. But...maybe later? I don't know. I'd feel strange asking, though."

"Nah, just say, 'Hey, I've had a massive brain injury and I have no idea who the hell you are, so can you enlighten me, please?'"

He laughed. "Just like that, huh?"

"Yep. Easy." I looked down at where his fingers were still on the keys. "And speaking of easy… Care to play me another?"

"Yeah?" He asked, his grin growing wider. "Okay, let's see." After a moment, he began to play an upbeat, happy tune that I recognized but couldn't place, and he danced along a little in his seat, causing us both to chuckle.

"James, this is obviously something you're amazing at, and if you were making a living doing what you loved, then why would you give it up? Did…did Lucy know?"

"Apparently, my parents weren't very keen on my career choice. Which is funny when you consider that they're the ones that forced me to take piano lessons three times a week growing up. To be _cultured_." He said with a smile. "I think they meant for the lessons to be more of a 'keeping me out of trouble' thing than a career option."

I raised an eyebrow. "They have something against the arts?"

"No, it's just not a 'real' job. My parents… The thing is, they didn't come from money. My dad worked his way up through his company, and it was practically drilled into my head growing up that I needed college and a steady job."

"It's your life."

"Yeah. But what happens when you can't pay the bills and your family offers you some sort of stability? A new car, an apartment, a way to get on my feet financially instead of travelling like a gypsy and hoping for a gig."

"You took it."

"I took it." James sighed. "They're really good people. They mean the best, I know they do. But it's hard not to be resentful after everything that's happened-"

"Because you wouldn't have been back here with a new car, and there wouldn't have been an accident." I finished. "That's a good reason to be pissed off to me, but I'd be willing to bet their guilt is just as bad."

"That's why I'm trying not to be pissed."

"Well, things could be worse. You could be a banker like your dad. Although middle schoolers might be worse. What's your mom do?"

James looked up at me and smiled sadly. "Mom's a teacher."

 _Ahh. Well, there you have it._ He didn't have to say anything else. The pressures of family and a lack of money would lead anyone to choose the stable life.

As James finished the last few notes, I began to clap, and then he stood and gave an exaggerated bow.

"I think you deserve a tip after that."

"Twenties and fifties only, please."

"Damn. If that's the going rate for a pianist tip these days, I'll have to stay home. I was thinking of something a little sweeter?"

"Oh yeah? I'm willing to negotiate."

"It all depends on if you're still full. There's a killer ice cream shop down the street, and-"

"Sold." James said, grabbing my arm to pull me off the bench, while I laughed at his eagerness.

"Ice cream is his kryptonite. Good to know." I said to myself as I got to my feet.

"Hurry up, Loges." James said, his eyes glittering. And I had to stop for a second as the nickname startled me a bit. "I'm suddenly starving."

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it! As always, Jagan cuteness is on full display along with some angst.** **We also got a little insight into James' life and how he's handling everything!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up since I haven't started it yet, but it will definitely be up by next weekend! And if everything goes right, I will have my new story posted by then as well! :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another hapter!**

 **As always, thank you to everyone that read last chapter! And a special thank you to Side1ways, winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds and spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The last few days had flown by. I'd taken on twelve-hour shifts instead of my usual eight, and was starting to get antsy. It'd been three days since I'd seen James, and I found myself pacing my house like an addict searching for a hit.

Pathetic.

Unfortunately, there'd be no time for a fix, since I'd promised to go out tonight with my friends. We used to get together at least once a week downtown, whether to have a couple drinks or just hang out and talk, but lately life had gotten in the way. Not only for me, but for us all.

After a quick shower, I threw on some jeans and ripped the tags off a long-sleeved Henley I'd bought the other day. The weather couldn't decide whether it wanted to be hot or cold this week, so I had to buy some new clothes that would serve both.

I tried to tame my hair as best I could as I finished getting ready, using gel to try and style it. My phone rang just as I was finishing up, and I wiped my hands off before answering.

 _Kendall._ He was probably calling to make sure I hadn't changed my mind.

"Yes, I'm still coming, Mom." I said as a greeting.

"Actually, that's why I was calling. I'm sorry to do this to you man, but Dak and I got held up at the station, so it might be a late night. Mind if we raincheck for the weekend?"

It was probably shitty of me to feel relieved, but, well, I was. I'd always enjoyed a night out with friends, but my mind had been preoccupied with someone else for far too long to think about anything else. "Fine with me. You guys need a hand?"

"Nah, we've got it. But maybe this frees you up for a night out with your guy, yeah? Maybe a little action as well?"

I groaned. "He's not my guy, and there won't be any action. Just get that out of your head."

"Never say never, Loges. One sec." He must've pulled the phone away from his ear, because there was indistinct conversation, and then, "Sorry, gotta the others know, would ya?"

"Yeah, sure."

When I hung up, and idea began to form, and before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door.

XxX

A few minutes later, I was on the front porch of James' parents house ringing the doorbell. If I couldn't get him out of my mind, may as well do something about it.

A few seconds later, James opened the door, a mixture of surprise and delight on his face. Barefoot and in his black athletic pants and a t-shirt, he was the hottest picture of casual I'd ever seen, and I had to stop my jaw from dropping.

"Logan." He said. "What brings you by?"

"You up for bowling?"

He blinked."Bowling? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

A massive grin broke out on his face. "Hell yeah. Now?"

"Unless you're busy."

"No, now's good." He paused and looked down at his clothes. "I should probably change-"

"No, don't." I said quickly, and when he lifted his brows, I shrugged as if I didn't think he looked drop-dead gorgeous as he did. "What you've got on is fine."

"Yeah? Okay, let me just throw on my shoes then."

He disappeared for a minute, and then he was back, pulling the door shut behind him and locking it. As he shrugged into a light jacket, his eyes roamed over my chest, and I felt his gaze like it was a branding iron. "I like that shirt." He said, flipping his collar up. "It's the same color as your eyes, almost."

The way he said it sounded so offhand that I didn't think he even realized he was paying another guy a compliment. It just came out naturally, like he was talking about the weather.

Of course, inside I was preening like a proud peacock that he'd even looked at me that way.

"Thank you." I said. "Ready?"

"Ready."

In a teasing mood now, I said, "I don't think you're prepared for what's about to go down, but I look forward to the challenge."

"Oh, that's how it's gonna be, huh?" He chuckled. "I look forward to proving you wrong."

As we stepped off the porch, a white SUV pulled into the driveway beside my car, and his mom stepped out, as immaculately put together as the first and only time I'd seen her in James' hospital room. She lifted on of those reusable grocery bags, packed to the brim, out of the back seat and then started up the walkway, and when she saw me, she startled.

"Logan...hello." She said, shifting the bag to her hip as a polite smile crossed her lips. "How are you?"

"Hi, Mrs. Diamond. I'm just fine, and yourself?"

"Hey, Mom. We're going bowling." James informed her before she could answer. "I'll be back in a little while."

"Oh. That's nice." She looked curiously between me and James. "Just be careful."

James kissed his mother's cheek and reached for the bag she carried. "Will do. Want me to take this inside for you?"

"What? No, no, I've got it. You boys go have fun."

"Goodbye, Mrs. Diamond." I said, pulling my keys out of my pocket. "I'll guard him with my life."

"Of course." Her brow furrowed, but she managed another small smile, but all the way back down to my car, I could feel her questioning gaze on my back.

XxX

After changing into the ugly shoes that seemed to be required by all bowling alleys across the country, James and I picked out our bowling balls and, seeing as there was no one in the lane beside us, commandeered the two chairs behind the monitors.

"I'm guessing you don't want Ant-Man." I teased, as I set up our profiles. James had listed my name as Superman, of course, but in my mind, he didn't need a made-up name. Diamond was as perfect as it got.

"What about Bluebird?" He suggested.

I whipped my head around to face him, my mouth falling open. _Where did_ that _come from?_ "How do you…" I trailed off, at a loss for words. When had I even told him-Oh. In the ambulance, when I didn't think that he could hear me. _Way to word-vomit, Logan._

"Isn't that what you called me?" James asked, and then frowned. "I didn't dream that, did I?"

"Uh, no. No, you didn't dream that." I could feel the hot flush of embarrassment spread through my body. Why was it that this guy had that effect on me? I'd never been the kind of person who got very self-conscious over anyone, not since I had gotten a little older, anyway. But James? He reduced me to teenaged Logan status, I only hoped it didn't show.

"I like Bluebird." James said, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He'd healed so well on the outside, his skin smooth and not bearing a trace of the glass that had been embedded only weeks earlier. "Logan?"

"Hmm?" I shook myself out of my stupor. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

"I said, why don't you put that down?" James gestured to the monitor.

"You want to be Bluebird?"

"I thought I already was."

Damn. Stomach. Flip.

"Right." I said, typing in the nickname I'd thought up for him all those months ago.

James swirled his straw in his soda, his gaze falling past me. "That guy's watching you."

"Who?" I asked, looking around at the lane closest to ours.

"No, over there in lane eight, in the red shirt."

I turned around and immediately locked eyes with an attractive dark-haired guy. He looked young, but he was probably around the same age as James and I. He smiled my way, but whereas I'd normally give him the signal to come on over, I spun back around to the monitor to finish setting up.

"What?" James asked. "Is he not your type?"

"I'm not here to meet guys. I'm here to kick your ass." I said, getting to my fet, and then I picked up the ball I'd chosen from the rack earlier. After lining up my shot, I sent the ball speeding down the alley, the impact knocking all ten pins down in one fell swoop.

I sauntered back to James with an _eat my dust_ smirk on my face and took the seat beside him.

"Oh, we've got a pro on our hands. Okay, then." James stood up and stretched his body from side to side in exaggerated movements that had me grinning.

"Go ahead." I said. "Show me up. I dare you."

He took his time lining up his shot, but when he released the ball, it landed with a loud _thunk_ and promptly went into the gutter.

When I raised an eyebrow, he said, "I meant to do that."

James' second roll managed to do only slightly better, knocking down two of the pins. When he sat down next to me and saw the grin on my face, he shrugged. "What? I'm the one with the brain injury. You should be going easy on me."

I let out a laugh as I stood to take my turn.

"You're some kind of musical prodigy. You can let me have this."

"Hey, Superman. I don't have to let you have shit. I'm just warming up."

I let out a low whistle at his teasing and said, "It's getting serious now. Care for a wager?"

"For how many points you'll let me win by?"

"I'm not letting you do a damn thing. I don't like to lose."

I rolled another strike, and when I plopped back in my seat, James shook his head. "I'm beginning to regret all my smack talk."

"Giving up so soon?"

"Never." Then something over my shoulder caught his attention. "He's still looking."

"Red shirt? Let him look."

"You're really not interested?"

"Would you really want me to up and leave you here to bowl by yourself?"

James frowned. "Not really. Apparently I'm a shitty bowler. I shouldn't be left alone. At least not without gutter bumpers."

Chuckling, I pushed him off his seat. "Go forth and gutter it, then. It's your turn."

"Mini-golf." James said when he returned after two gutter balls in a row. "I bet I really kickass at mini-golf."

"You want me to give you a couple of pointers on your next turn? Free of charge."

"And admit you're the bowling king? Never."

"Suit yourself." I said, but before I could pick up my ball, James ran up behind me.

"Okay, okay. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to at least learn how to avoid the gutter."

"You think?" I grinned and stepped onto the platform. "Now watch what I'm doing. I'm turned just slightly to the right, and I'm far enough away to make about four steps before I let the ball go. Now, to try for a strike, the ball needs to hit the pocket between the first and third pins. That's the one in the front and the one to its right. So that's where I aim." I backed up and then followed the instructions I'd just laid out for him, and a few seconds later, the ball smashed into the pins, sending them scattering.

James put his hands low on his hips. "I'm pretty sure that's how I was doing it."

"You let go of the ball so late there's probably a dent in the lane. Come here."

He hugged the ball to his chest, and when he moved closer, I put my hands on his shoulders and guided him to where he needed to stand. "See those arrows down there? You're right-handed too, so you want to aim for the second arrow on the right. And make sure you get low enough to let the ball slide out of your hands."

"Oh, so you don't throw it like a baseball?" James asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm and had he been my boyfriend, I would've been tempted to kiss that smirk right off his face.

"No, smart-ass." I tried to ignore how close we were, his back brushing against my front. I tried not to breath in the scent of the shampoo he wore of run my hands down his shoulders to his biceps. I didn't need to think about the way his skin would feel beneath my hands, or imagine the quiver of his stomach as I reached for the button of his pants…

"You want me to drop it where?"

I let go of him and stepped to the side to give him room to move. "Take four steps, keep your eye on that arrow, and then sweep it through like this once you get about here." I said, showing him the follow-through.

James switched the ball to his other hand and then mimicked my movement. "Like that?"

"Yeah, except turn your arm a bit." I reached for his wrist, feeling the steady thrumming of pulse beneath my fingertips, so much stronger than the last time I'd touched him that way, and then angled him the right way. When I looked up, James was watching me with interest, and something in his expression made my heart skip a beat. "Try that." I said softly, and then let go of him and backed away to watch.

James focused back on the lane and took his time lining himself up, and when he let go of the ball this time, it fell from his hands and smoothly rolled down the lane before knocking out over half the pins.

"Hell yes!" I said as James grinned. "So much better."

"You've given up your secrets now. Just a matter of time until I overtake the master."

' _Feel free to overtake me anytime,"_ I thought. "Seven pins down and he turns into a cocky bastard."

He laughed and retrieved his ball. "Now what do I do about the rest of the pins?"

I gasped. "You mean you don't know?"

"Of course I do. I'm not some amateur. I'm just curious what _you_ would do."

"Mhmm, sure." I said, enjoying the tease as I once again directed him where to stand and where to aim to knock down the remaining pins. "Alright, Bluebird. Show me what you got."

I could've sworn I felt him tremble faintly beneath my hands before I let go, but I had to be imagining things.

He took an unsteady step forward but then recovered and sent the ball sailing down the lane. When he knocked down all the pins but one, he gave a loud whoop before spinning around and pointing at me.

"See that? I'm coming for you."

 _I certainly hope so._ "I do like a challenge. Bring it on."

James laughed until his eyes shifted past me, and then his smile dimmed. I turned to see red-shirt guy standing by our chairs, his head cocked to the side as he gave me a not subtle at all once-over.

"I hope you don't mind." He said, slowly bringing his gaze up to my face. "But I noticed you were giving your friend pointers, and I thought...maybe you could help me as well?"

 _Pointers?_ The only thing that guy wanted pointers on was the best way to suck me off.

"Actually, I'm a little busy-"

"That's okay. I'm a quick learner." He said, a seductive edge to his voice. "It won't take long."

"I don't think-"

"You should go." James said softly, and when I shot him a look, he gave me a tight smile. "It's selfish to keep you all to myself when you could be helping someone else."

 _So? Be selfish,_ I wanted to say, but when I started to protest, he inclined his head to the concessions.

"I'm gonna grab some fries or something." He said. "Take your time."

"James-" I went to follow him, but red-shirt guy stepped in front of me.

"Where should we start? I think I might be using the wrong size ball. Maybe I could use yours insead?" He said, looking down at the zipper of my pants.

 _Jesus, really?_ I glanced over at James, standing alone in the concession line. I couldn't think about some other guy, even an in-your-face guy like red shirt. Not when I could still feel the way James' arm brushed against mine every time he moved past me or sat beside me, and not while the intoxicating cologne he wore filled my nose and made my head spin.

"Look," I started. "I appreciate that you want my...help, but I'm not interested. Find someone else's balls to play with."

And before he could say another word, I hightailed it up to the concession stand just as James moved to the counter.

"I think I'm in the mood for nachos." I said, sidling up next to him and scanning the menu.

James did a double take. "Where'd your new friend go?"

I shrugged and handed the guy behind the counter enough money to cover both of our orders. "Away."

"Why? Because of me?"

"Because I'm busy and not interested."

James sighed. "Look, Logan, I don't want to interfere in your life anymore than I already have-"

"You're not interfering-"

"-so if you want to talk or...whatever with that guy, then you should. It won't hurt my feelings-"

"James." I said, waiting until he looked at me. "I'm not going anywhere. I know you think I want to be anywhere else but here with you, but I can assure you that's not the case."

James' eyes widened slightly.

"Stop trying to get rid of me or pass me off on someone else." I continued. "I know you're nervous about how badly I'm gonna kick your ass in this game, but I believe in comebacks. Don't you?"

His mouth quirked up on one side in a half smile, and when a plate full of fries was pushed his way, he picked one up and popped it into his mouth. "Guess I can't let you off that easily." He said, munching away.

The guy handed me a plate of nachos and my change, and as we headed back to our now-empty lane, James said, "You're crazy, you know that?"

"Batshit bonkers." I agreed, and then figured I'd pass along some Alice in Wonderland advice. "But all the best people are."

* * *

 **Done! So more Jagan cuteness! The two of them seem to be getting closer. Logan _finally_ went bowling. And James remembered the Bluebird nickname! **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite moment!**

 **I have started the next chapter and am hoping to have it up soon. And my new story will be coming next week so that'll be fun ;)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time for a new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a special thank you to Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, and spookje for reviewing! I'm glad you all loved the bowling and the banter between James and Logan!**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

After showing no mercy and kicking James' ass not just once, but twice, we piled back into my car and I turned the heat on blast. The temperature had drastically dropped while we'd been inside, and we sat there shivering together and watching the lightest of snow flurries hit the windshield until the hot air kicked in.

James' teeth chattered as we put our hands in front of the vents to warm them up. "I don't think I'm cut out for cold weather. We should be on a beach somewhere."

"I hear Miami's nice this time of year." I went to put the car in reverse, but James' hand on my arm stopped me.

"Do you mind if we don't go back yet?"

"Of course. Is everything okay?"

He nodded and let go of my arm, and I wished he didn't have to do that. I was hyperaware of every single time he touched me, and yet I knew there was nothing behind his gestures, nothing more than a natural friendliness from being comfortable with someone. That he was comfortable with me should've been enough. _Let it be enough, Logan, for fuck's sake._

"It's starting to feel a little suffocating at my parent's house, is all." He said, leaning back in his seat, looking out at the snow hitting the window. "They watch me like I'm gonna break any minute."

"I'm sure they just worry about you. It's been an adjustment on their part, too."

"And I get that. I really do." He ran a hand over the stubble coating his cheeks, drawing attention to his strong jaw. The James before the accident had seemed meticulous about keeping his face cleanly shaven, but I had to admit, the bit of growth he kept now looked hot. "I can see it in their eyes. The waiting. Wondering if I'll ever get back to myself."

I stayed silent and listened, because what could I say? There was no way to know whether he'd ever be able to fill in the holes in his memory, and I wasn't about to give him any false hope. Then again, sometimes it seemed like he'd rather not know who he'd once been, which made me even more curious about the man sitting beside me.

"I'm thinking maybe I should go to my place." He said. "To live, I mean."

"You could. If you feel you're ready for that."

Hey," He said, shifting in his seat to face me, his eyes holding a bit of excitement. "You wanna see it?"

"Your place?"

"Yeah."

 _Twist my arm, why don't you._ "Sure. Where to?" I said, putting the car in reverse and backing out.

"Oh." James lifted his hips to grab his wallet out of his back pocket, and then he pulled out a piece of paper before calling out the address.

"Smart of you to write it down."

"It's on my license too, but I wasn't sure I'd remember the exact directions." He admitted, as I steered us out onto the main road. "I've only been there a couple of times."

My job meant that I knew the town like the back of my hand, and I'd had to answer calls in his neighborhood before, so I knew exactly where we were headed, but when James began to remember the directions-correctly, I was surprised to hear-I was content to let him take the lead.

After a few minutes, he pointed to a neighborhood entrance up ahead and told me to make a left, and I flipped on my blinker, pulled into the turning lane, and waited for the steady stream of cars to pass.

Garden Lakes was the upper tier of apartment living, gated and with several private lakes, hence the name. After we put in the code at the gate-also noted on the paper-I drove around the complex until James told me to stop.

"That's it." He said, nodding up at the second floor balcony of a well-maintained building, blue with wood accents and white trim that reminded me of a cozy cabin I'd stayed in during a winter trip one year.

"This is nice." I said, turning off the engine.

"I thought so too."

"Why do I hear a 'but' in there?"

James smiled, his face half in the shadows from where I'd parked under a street lamp. "You'll see."

I followed James up the stairs and took the opportunity to enjoy the view of his ass while no one else was around. The bowling alley had been a test of self-restraint with all the bending over he did, and the athletic pants he wore hugged his behind in a way that made me want to reach out and touch him.

As we reached the second floor, James produced a key from his wallet, and as he turned toward me, I forced my eyes up.

"This is it." He said, and then went about unlocking the door. "Home sweet home." He pushed open the door and waved me through first, and as I went inside, the sleeve of my jacket brushed against him, and the warmth of his breath stroked my neck, sending goosebumps in its wake.

It was dark as I entered, and when James followed me in, he flipped a light switch, throwing the front-facing corner apartment into full view.

James ran his hand over his head, getting rid of the snow flurries that had landed in his hair and on his jacket. "See what I mean? The decorating is… I don't even have words."

I thought he meant the _lack_ of decorating. Even though the apartment was large, open, and fully furnished, and there were paintings that hung on the walls, it was all so...bland.

"Well," I said, strolling through the kitchen and into the living room. "You can always take it all down and get rid of it. Start from scratch." I moved one of the heavy beige drapes aside, revealing a nighttime glimpse of the lake below. "What's your favorite color?"

"Um…" James looked around at the beige walls, beige carpet, and beige furniture. "Not beige?"

I chuckled and let go of the curtain. "'Not beige' should be easy enough to find."

"I guess, but I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Tell you what. I've got a friend at work who likes to do this kind of thing on the side. I can see if he can come and help you flesh out some ideas."

"Really?"

Shrugging, I said, "If you want to. No pressure or promises, but I can talk to him."

"That'd be great." He said, his shoulders sagging. "I think I'd go crazy if I had to live here as it stands now."

"Oh, it's not that bad."

"You're just saying that to be nice."

"I'm not. I swear."

" _You've_ got a great place, like the kind you'd actually want to go home to."

"Well, you can come over anytime you want." James raised his eyebrows, and I said, "I mean, I've got an extra room if you needed to...get away...or something."

He gave me a lopsided grin. "You shouldn't go around making an offer like that to strangers. They may take you up on it."

 _Trust me when I say I wouldn't mind that at all. Really._

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think I have anything-Wait. Maybe I do." He took off for the kitchen and began opening cabinets. "I've never actually checked before, but twenty-seven-year-olds usually have a liquor stash, right?"

Oh God, I forgot. He probably never remembered having a drink before in his life, did he?

"Ta-da." James held up a half-empty bottle of Crown Royal. "Found something."

"Uh, you sure you wanna start with that?"

"Why not?"

"No reason."

He found a couple of glasses in one of the cupboards and set them on the kitchen bar beside me, then proceeded to pour a healthy amount into both.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, laughing. "Maybe try it out first. See what you think."

James lifted the bottle again, and the remaining amber liquid swished inside. "I'm gonna assume I'm a fan."

I had to press my lips together to keep from grinning. _This is gonna get interesting…_

"To your first drink." I said, touching my glass to his. "Round two."

"Round two." He agreed. Then he brought the glass to his mouth, and just before he took a sip, he frowned and brought the glass to his nose. Then he jerked back and his eyes began to water. "Oh shit. That smells horrible."

"It smells like whisky."

"Whisky smells horrible. Hell. I bet it tastes awful too." When he took the tiniest sip and his face scrunched up, I laughed. "Ugh. I don't think I like that."

"You might like it with Coke."

James sniffed the glass again and made a face, but took another small draw of the liquid.

With a tsk, I said, "First you diss coffee and now whisky. Might have to revoke your adult card."

"Surely I like beer. I think I've had that and liked it. Maybe."

"At least I won't have to worry about you drinking yourself to death when you move back in." I went to take his glass and pour it back in the bottle, but James pulled it back.

"No, I'm gonna do it, and so are you." Then he pointed at me. "Drink."

My eyes widened as he forced back a big swallow, and I tried not to laugh as he shuddered.

"You really don't have to drink that."

"Yes, I do. I don't need my adult card revoked." James winked at me as he sipped again.

"Alright, that's enough, you lush." I said, chuckling as I managed to take the glass from him before he finished it off. "If I take you back drunk and puking, you may never be allowed out of the house again."

"Isn't that supposed to be some sort of rite of passage?"

"Not when you're twenty-seven, it's not."

He waved me off as he wandered into the living room and flopped onto the stiff-looking couch. "I think you were right. Maybe with Coke next time."

I left my own glass on the counter, needing to keep a clear head around him, and chose the recliner closest to James.

"This is nice. I feel warm. Like the alcohol just spreads through your body, you know?" Scooting down the couch until he was laying flat on his back, he rubbed his hands over his stomach. "Like a blanket for your insides."

Oh God. He was feeling it already.

"If whisky was a song," He continued. "I think it would start with a punch and then simmer into something slow and easy." His fingers danced in the air as if he were playing a song, and it was then that I noticed what was glaringly missing in the room.

"Where's your piano?"

"Don't have one."

"Why not? Isn't that kinda important for you to have?"

"Something about noise complaints."

Perks of living in an apartment right there. "Gotcha. So you practice at your parent's house?"

"Nah, they got rid of theirs years ago."

"Huh."

James stopped 'playing' and tilted his head back to look at me. "What?"

"Well, it's just...where do you play?"

"I...I don't know. I guess I haven't."

Since the accident or even before, I didn't know, but what kind of shit was this? He'd stopped following his dream for a stable life and now he didn't even have an instrument to play in his downtime? It seemed strange that he wouldn't have access to what was obviously his passion, unless he stole a few moments at the school.

"I bet you could always go to that music store we were at. The woman there seemed so excited to have you here, she'd probably pay you to play."

"Hey," He said, sitting up. "That's not a bed idea."

"You should do it."

"I guess that means I'll have to suck it up and ask her name, though."

"I'm telling you, use the brain injury excuse. You've got the perfect get-out-of-jail-free card right there."

"Yeah, yeah." He sank back down as I traced the swirling pattern of the arm chair. "Would you come see me if I played?"

"If you paid me."

He shot back up. "Seriously?"

"No." I said, laughing at his shocked expression.

"Oh. Good." He moved onto his stomach, stretching out on the couch like a cat, and rested his chin on his arms. "I'd like it if you came."

 _I'd like it if you came, too. Not that we're thinking about anything even remotely the same._ "What would you play?"

"Hmm. I don't know. There's a few songs I remember, but I would probably have to switch it up so you wouldn't get bored."

I let out a snort at that. "I'd never get bored."

"You might."

"I wouldn't. Trust me."

James' brow furrowed. "I do trust you. Which should be weird, right? But it's like...I'm safe with you."

There was no way he could hear the rapid beat of my heart, and I could only try to calm that shit down by taking in a breath before saying, "You are."

"I believe you."

A long moment passed where he just looked up at me, those big hazel eyes open and searching mine, like he was trying to come up with an answer to a question only he could hear.

"I don't know why I'm saying these things." He whispered, finally breaking the silence. "They're supposed to stay in my head." He reiterated his statement by tapping on his temple and letting out a self-deprecating chuckle.

Christ, he was too fucking cute for his own good.

"It's okay. I like hearing your thoughts."

"Yeah? Well...tell me something."

"Okay."

He toyed with his bottom lip between his teeth again, as if gearing up to ask a loaded question and he wasn't sure what my response would be. "Do you ever get lonely? In that big house of yours, all by yourself?"

"Big house?" I laughed. "Hardly."

"You're deflecting the question."

"Such a serious question. You feeling the Crown?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. You still haven't answered."

"Do I get lonely?" Pushing off the floor with my feet, I rocked the chair back and forth as I thought over his question. Did I get lonely? Usually I was too busy to think about it, and I had great friendships at work and outside it. But did I get lonely? Sure, I did, especially when James walked out my door. "I guess I do."

"When?"

"At night, mostly. Sometimes I can't sleep, and…" I sighed before admitting, "It'd be nice to have someone…" _It'd be nice to have_ you _there._

James laid his cheek on his arms. "I can't sleep either. I wake up from nightmares. Some of them I remember and others I don't."

It was an honest confession, and one that hit me hard. He always seemed so calm with what had happened to him, that it was hard to reconcile the easygoing guy with the one who'd gone through such a terrible ordeal. But of course he was terrified, even if his fears only manifested in his dreams. James never showed himself fully to me that way, but then again, why would he lay all his worries and sadness at the feet of someone he was just getting to know? I was the person helping him too, for lack of a better word, forget.

"Can I call you?" He asked. "If we're both awake in the middle of the night? Maybe we can help each other sleep."

There was such a sweet innocence in his words that I wanted to lean over, capture his face between my hands, and meld our lips together until the outside world disappeared. With him, maybe I wouldn't be so restless, and maybe with me, he wouldn't be so scared.

"Anytime." I said. "You can call me, day or night, anytime."

He smiled at me then, seemingly satisfied with that answer. But then his forehead wrinkled, and he said, "It's a shame, you know."

"What is?"

"I know you said you're busy and don't have time for a relationship, but...you're this really great guy, and it seems like a shame that you don't have anyone to share yourself with."

My heart constricted, and I had to look down at my lap so he didn't see the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.

But my shuddering breath must've given me away, because he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But I just think…you deserve to be happy. And I get the feeling that maybe you're not?"

God, where was that coming from? Could he see right through me?

"Thank you for saying...all of that. But I'm okay." _I just didn't realize how empty my life was until you filled it._

"You can always call me." He said, just as he let out a big yawn. His eyes began to shutter, but I knew I needed to get him home before he was too far gone to wake up. I let him rest a bit while I poured the liquor back into the bottle, stowed it away, and then rinsed out the glasses. He wasn't easy to rouse, and once he was up, he was content to walk down the stairs half-asleep, and I had to keep a hold on him so he didn't fall over. Apparently, once James was out, he was _out_.

I unlocked my car and helped him inside, and when I got behind the wheel, I heard him say my name softly.

"Thank you for today." James' words slurred a little, betraying his exhaustion as he closed his eyes again and rested his head against the window. I'd kept him out too late, but it was never easy to leave him, and I felt the growing urge to soak in as much time as I could _while_ I could. Who knew how long I had him for, when he'd decide to move on?

Reaching across James' chest, I pulled the seatbelt down and buckled him in. With the moonlight streaming across his face, he looked peaceful, and I let myself watch him as hs breathing slowed to a steady in-and-out. With him tucked into my passenger seat, I could almost pretend for a moment that he was mine. That we'd been out on the town and were headed home, together. The thought didn't seem so far out of reach while he was still in touching distance.

My fingertips ached to reach out, and though I didn't want to wake him, I found myself unable to stop from leaning over and running the back of my hand lightly down the length of his jaw. The stubble there felt surprisingly soft, and only when I moved my hand the opposite way did it prickle at all. When James didn't so much as stir, I repeated the move again, pressing my luck.

He was beautiful. So, so beautiful. And now that I had spent more time with him, I knew it wasn't just the way he looked or a persona he'd put on everyday, he was beautiful inside and out.

The words were on the tip of my tongue when James arched, and before I could pull away, he leaned into my hand so that I was cupping his cheek. I held my breath, waiting for his eyes to open, for him to catch me touching him when I shouldn't be. But he didn't wake, falling right back into his deep slumber. I gave him one last look, memorized the way he looked with his perfect face cradled in my hand, and then pulled my arm back slowly. When he stayed asleep where he was, I let out an exhale and sat back in my seat.

That had been to close. But the quick jolt to my system had given me an idea, albeit a slightly insane one, and it was with that thought that I drove sleeping Prince Charming home.

* * *

 **Done! How adorable is drunk James?! It seems as though things between James and Logan are just getting sweeter and sweeter! And although James is okay, he's still dealing with everything regarding the accident and memory loss.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter! Any guesses as to what Logan's idea is?**

 **All will be revealed in the next chapter, which will be up by next weekend along with an update to my new story Written In The Stars!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter! I was going to post this yesterday, but I got so busy that I didn't get a chance.**

 **Before we get to the new chapter,** **I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a special thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Side1ways, spookje10, and meowandwoof for reviewing!**

 **I'm glad that you all are enjoying the story so far! I see that a lot of you are wanting Kames to meet. I can tell you that they** _will_ **meet, but it'll be a little while before that happens.**

 **I loved reading all of your guesses as to what Logan has planned! It might not be what you all expect, but I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Can you move it a little to the right? Yeah, in front of the window. Perfect."

As the movers positioned James' present where I indicated, I leaned against the wall and imagined the reaction James would have when he saw what I'd found earlier that morning. It wasn't fancy by any stretch of the imagination, but I had a feeling he'd appreciate the gesture, and with it being my day off, I didn't want to waste another moment in showing him. After I gave the movers a tip, they left and I sent a quick text to James.

Not even five minutes later, the doorbell rang, and it didn't stop until I opened the door, chuckling at James' impatience. He stood on the doorstep, out of breath and with his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. "Did you run all the way over here?" I asked.

"You said come quick." He looked me up and down. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just thought maybe you'd want to see your surprise."

James' eyebrows went up to his hairline. "A surprise? For me?"

"Yep. Close your eyes."

"Wait, is it a good surprise or a bad surprise?"

"Just close 'em."

"You're being awfully cryptic today."

"I believe the proper Southern term is 'clear as mud.' Are they closed?" I waved my hand in front of James' face, and when I was satisfied he wasn't peeking, I took his wrist and led him down the hall. There hadn't been space in the living room for what I'd found at a secondhand shop, so his surprise was currently taking up the spot where my small kitchen table used to be, since I never used it anyway.

"Can I open them yet?" James asked.

"You're so impatient."

"I think you enjoy driving me crazy."

I coughed as I thought, _You have no idea_. "Keep 'em closed." As we came to a stop at the opening between the kitchen and living room, my nerves got the better of me and I almost turned him back around. Maybe I'd overdone it. Or maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all…

"Loges, you're killing me here."

"Okay, okay." I said, and let go of his wrist. "You can open them."

"Finally." When James' eyes opened, the grin on his lips fell as his jaw went slack, and he froze.

"Surprise." I said, gesturing toward the piano, but the longer he went without speaking, the more my smile wavered. He was so still and quiet, I wasn't sure if he was even breathing.

"Uh, I thought-" I cleared my throat. "Since you can't have one at your place, you could...you know. Maybe have one here. To use anytime you want."

"I...I don't…" He blinked a couple of times. "I don't know what to say. Logan…"

My stomach plummeted. "If you don't like it, I can take it back." I said quickly. "I know it's probably not the kind you're used to...were used to. But it plays, and I have someone coming out later today to tune it up for you so it sounds good."

"You bought me a piano." James whispered, as he stepped toward it and ran a hand lightly over the top. Then he looked back at me, the expression on his face still one of shock but also...appreciation?

Relief swept through me as he rubbed his lips, his head shaking as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Why would you do this for me?"

Why _wouldn't_ I do this for him was more the question. "Do you like it?"

"Do I like it? Logan, it's...too much."

"It's not." I gestured to the bench. "Well, go ahead. Try it out."

James' smile grew as he sat down and looked over the keys. A few seconds later, he positioned his fingers and began to play, and it sounded like the same sweet lullaby he'd made up in the music store the other day.

I relaxed against the side of the fridge as I watched him sink into the melody, and he didn't have to tell me what he thought of his gift. I could see the elation written all across his face. When he finished playing, he closed the top over the keys and kept his head lowered. "Logan, this is the most incredible gift you could've given me."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it, I really do. But…" His eyes met mine. "I can't accept this."

"Of course you can."

"No, it's too much. You shouldn't have spent your money on me."

"James." I moved over to the piano and looked down at him. "I can't imagine buying anything that would give me half the pleasure I get from listening to you play. It's also my choice how I spend my money, and if you decide you don't want to accept it, then that's fine. It'll stay here as decoration."

"Logan-"

"I'm not taking no for an answer. You love it. I know you love it, so just say thank you and enjoy it. Please."

He shook his head, and I thought he was about to put up another fight, but then he broke out into a beaming smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

With a laugh, he said, "I guess not. And I do love it. It's beautiful."

 _It's even more beutiful with you behind it._

"Are you hungry? I can make some lunch if you play me another."

"That's a pretty rad trade."

"I thought so too. Are burgers okay? I can fire up the grill."

"Actually…" James stood up and rocked on his heels. "Before you do that, there's something I've been wanting to give you, but I'm not sure if it's something you want."

"James, you don't have to give me anything."

"Neither did you, but you did anyway."

"Point taken."

"But… Well, the thing is, you knew I'd love the piano. I'm not sure how you'd feel about my gift."

"Don't be silly. If it's from you, I'll love it."

"You may think you will until you know what it is. It's sort of a selfish gift, really."

"Oh yeah? You've got me curious now." I said.

"Close your eyes and I'll get it."

"You brought it with you?"

"In a manner of speaking. Close them."

I narrowed my eyes before doing as he said. "Who's being cryptic now?"

"Don't move, and no peeking. Promise?"

"Yeah, yeah, I promise." Whatever he had up his sleeve had me intrigued, but I couldn't begin to guess what it could be. I didn't hear his footsteps on the tile, or any sound at all.

It was what happened five seconds later that I never could've dreamed up, not in a million years.

A pair of warm, soft lips pressed softly against mine at the same time James' hand gripped the back of my neck. Had he not been holding me in place when my eyes flew open, I would've jerked back in surprise.

"Is this okay?" He murmured against my lips, and my mouth automatically parted for him before my brain could process what was happening.

This couldn't be real. There was no way James was standing in my kitchen kissing me. No way he'd been the one to initiate things. This had to be a dream, because the reality was too mind-blowing to fully comprehend.

For a moment, I focused on James' lips moving against mine, and the way the tentativeness he'd shown had begun to turn into something more intense.

God, how I wanted to run my hands up under his shirt to feel his body as I pulled him tighter against me. I wanted his arousal pressing against mine, driving me crazy until I couldn't take it anymore. Then I'd push him up against the counter, unbutton his pants, and drop to my fucking knees.

A moan escaped my lips at the thought, and James took that as a green light, becuase then his other hand came up and I felt the velvet smoothness of his tongue dipping inside to rub against mine.

Fuck, this had gone too far. I never wanted to stop, and that was the problem. It took everything I had, every ounce of control, to break apart and push him an arm's length away.

James' lips were flushed pink, and as he stood there breathing heavily, his eyes glazed over with desire, it didn't seem to click at first that I was no longer reciprocating. It wasn't until he blinked me into focus that he realized what was happening. That I was pushing him away. That this couldn't happen.

A blush crept into his cheeks as he stammered. "I-I'm sorry, I thought you… I must've misunderstood."

"It's not that-"

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize-"

He ran his hand over his hair and then scrubbed it over his face. "It's just that I've been having all these thoughts, and I could've sworn you felt it too, but… I was wrong. Please just forget it."

"Thoughts? What kind of thoughts?"

He stopped pacing and looked at me. "About you." He said, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be thinking about me.

Oh God. Never mind. I didn't need to hear this. I didn't need him to tempt me any more than he already was, becuase I could barely hold myself back as it was.

But I had to know… "What kind of thoughts?"

"I like you, Logan. I like being around you. Spending time with you. And lately I've been thinking about what it'd be like to kiss you."

 _Holy shit_. I found myself shaking my head. How was it that he held nothing back? That it didn't occur to him to hide himself from me? I couldn't even bring myself to admit that my feelings for him went way beyond the surface, but here he was, laying it all out there.

Bracing myself on the counter, my voice came out rough as sandpaper as I asked, "And now that you have?"

He took a step toward me. "I really want to kiss you again."

The shock and adrenaline flowing through my system had me backing up, knocking into the counter so hard that I knew I'd have a bruise later. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do."

"I think you've forgotten how hard you hit your head."

"What? You think a bump on the head made me want to kiss you? Be around you?" He sputtered out with an incredulous laugh. "That's ridiculous."

"You're just not thinking straight right now, okay?" Hah, no pun intended there, not that the subject matter was even remotely funny. I didn't even understand why I suddenly felt so upset, other than I knew he'd realize he was making a mistake sooner or later, and I didn't want to be toyed with. I knew that James didn't have bad intentions, but a disaster was all that would happen here if I kissed him again. And fuck. That.

"I'm no expert, but I don't think it works that way."

"Jesus Christ, James." I rubbed my temples. "You're _not_ gay. You've never been into guys in your life. I get that you may be curious, but I'm not willing to be your experiment, okay?" My heart couldn't fucking handle that. It was better not to know what I was missing when he realized that having feelings for a guy, sexual or otherwise, wasn't for him.

"I'm not asking you to." He said, looking taken aback. "Why are you so mad?"

"Mad isn't the right word."

"Then what is? Obviously, I've upset you, and that wasn't my intention."

"You just...surprised me, is all."

"Not a good surprise." He mumbled, and then let out a heavy sigh. "Can I ask you something?" Without waiting for me to respond, he said, "How do you explain the fact that I remember you? Everything else surrounding the day of my accident is hazy, but for some reason, you're crystal clear. You think that's some sort of coincidence?"

 _No._ I crossed my arms. "Yeah, I do."

"Well, I don't. And I don't believe you do either."

His stare penetrated right through me, and half of me wanted to take back everything I'd just said and start over. Go back to when his lips were on mine, better than it had been in my dreams. But the other half, the logical, realistic half, told me to hold onto whatever self-preservation I could. It was easier said than done with the way my heart physically ached with every violent beat.

I saw the moment his persistence wavered. His jaw clenched as if he had to force it shut or more words would come tumbling out. And with the way I was giving him nothing back but hard shoves, it seemed his self-preservation side was winning out as well.

"This was a bad idea." He said, his voice low and uneven. "I'm sorry, Logan. I wish I could take it back." He gave me one last look and then shook his head before brushing past me. "I'll see you later."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna go."

"No, you don't have to leave-"

"And I have no reason to stay. You've made your point." His eyes flickered to the corner of the kitchen. "Thanks for the piano." Then he took off down the hall without giving me another glance.

"James, wait!" I finally called out after him, but the only answer I got was the sound of the door slamming shut behind him.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah...I know, I'm so evil! I couldn't make it _that_ easy for them to get together, could I?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as Jagan's sort-of fight!**

 **The next chapter will proably be a little shorter, but if all goes according to plan, it will be up within the next couple of days along with a new chapter for Written In The Stars!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm finally back with another chapter! This chapter was delayed a bit since I got a little busy, but better late than never!**

 **Before we get started I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, meowandwuff, and spookje10 for reviewing last chapter! I think we all agree that Logan handled the situation like an idiot and that we all feel horrible for James :(**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

"Care to tell me why you look like someone pissed in your coffee, or do I have to guess?" Kendall asked a couple days later as we strolled through a department store at the town mall while in between calls. He'd wanted to pick up a few things for his wife's birthday, and it was either go with him or sulk in the rig like I had the past forty-eight hours.

"I'm not in a mood." Yeah, even to my ears I sounded like a sullen teenager who'd lost his iPad privileges. _Pathetic._

"No? You just about scared the pants off the interns this morning, for one."

"Good. They almost hosed me down while they were supposed to be cleaning the rig."

"Oh. Well, for two, I just shoveled down an apple fritter and you didn't even try to swipe it out of my hand."

"You did?"

"No, but it proves you're not paying attention for shit."

I sighed. "Did you already get what you needed?"

"See, if you'd been _paying attention_ , you'd know I haven't bought the first damn thing. You're no help."

"You don't need help. Just get her something nice."

"Nice?" Kendall scoffed. "A new microwave is nice. Getting her oil changed and her car tuned up is nice. None of those things will impress her."

"You're married. You don't need to impress her."

"Spoken like someone who's never been married." When I didn't crack so much as a smile, Kendall gave me a hard nudge. "Seriously, what's with you? You finally make a move on Bluebird and he turn you down?"

"Not quite." I tossed my empty coffee cup into a nearby recycling bin. "He kissed me."

Kendall's jaw dropped, and a whole lotta nothing came out.

"Yeah. That was my reaction too."

"Holy shit, Loges. We should be popping some champagne or getting chocolate wasted." Kendall began to do his signature 'Happy Dance', throwing in some shoulder rolls while he snapped along to whatever beat was playing in that thick head of his. "Come on, don't make me celebrate by myself." When I didn't join in, he stopped dancing and rolled his eyes. "Dude, what's the problem?"

"What's the problem? That should be obvious."

"Uh…" He waved his hand for me to elaborate.

"He's not gay. He's confused. And he shouldn't be kissing me."

Kendall stood there blinking at me. "You're joking. Tell me you'e about to psych me out and that you didn't push him away or something stupid."

"You wouldn't understand." I said, walking off.

"Oh my God. Oh my Gooooood." Kendall groaned. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I told you that you wouldn't understand."

"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need you to come back here and repeat all that in my good ear. 'Cause I thought I heard you say the guy you've been crushing on forever kissed you and you pushed him away, but that can't be right, because I know you, and you're not a dumbass."

"I did say that."

"I changed my mind then. You are a dumbass."

"Kendall, gimme a break here-"

"Give you a break? What the actual fuck, man? What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." Too restless to stand there arguing, I began to pace. "He doesn't know what he's doing."

"The fuck he doesn't."

"James is still trying to figure out who he is, and all I'm doing is making things more confusing for him."

"Oh, right. You want him. He wants you. It can never happen." Kendall slapped his forehead. "Wait, no, that's not how it goes."

"You're supposed to be seeing my side."

"The 'I'm a fucking moron' side?"

"The 'I'm somehow taking advantage of him' side."

"Please remind me how it's taking advantage when _he's_ the one who kissed _you_."

"Have you forgotten he suffered a major brain trauma?"

"Uh, no. I was there."

"Then you'd know how something like that can change a person."

"And what if this is who he is now?" When my mouth opened and shut without a comeback, Kendall nodded. "Yeah. What then?"

I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of being even a little bit right, so I ignored him and kept right on walking.

"You know what I think you're problem is?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

"Damn right I am. You're scared." His brows lifted when I quickly turned to face him. "Yeah, you head me. You're scared that any day now he's gonna wake up, I mean that figuratively, and remember he's supposed to be wrist-deep in pussy."

"Kendall!"

"Maybe that's crass, but I'm just saying what you won't admit to yourself. Deep down you know I'm right."

"Can you please fuck off?" _Leave me to my self-destruction in peace._

"I'm on a roll now, so no, and I'll tell you why." The humor faded from his eyes as he grabbed my shoulders to make me face him again. "I'm saying this as your best friend, you're way too hard on yourself." I rolled my eyes and tried to pull away, but his grip was strong. "No, no, listen. It's true. You seem to think everyone in the world deserves happiness except you. But I know how you feel about this guy. I've seen what you've been doing for him. There isn't an ounce of bad intention there. There's nothing you wouldn't do for him. And I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for you, either."

I closed my eyes. God, I hated when he was right. I hated that I was so cautious about everything with James that I was unintentionally fucking it all up.

"You've got to stop fighting it dude. Or you'll just end up hurting not only yourself, but him too." Kendall said, his tone gentler than I'd ever heard. "You care about the guy. Fucking go for it. I don't want to have to tell you twice."

When I nodded, a smile slowly spread across his face. "Yeah? We're good?" He asked.

"We're good."

"Fan-fucking-tastic." He clapped me on the shoulder, and as we headed off again, we passed a section full of women's lingerie, and Kendall stopped abruptly and let out a low whistle. "Hello, now we're talking."

And just like that, the time for serious talk was over.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Now that I've solved your problems for you-you're welcome-I need to shop for my wife." He flipped through the rack, and after grabbing a couple of barely-there lace sets, he held them up for me to see. "What do you think? Would Jo like the white or the pink?"

"That's not what she wants."

"How do you know? She might." He looked down at them again. "She likes pink."

"That's a gift for you, not her." I said, snatching the hangers out of his hands and putting them back on the rack. "Get her a day at the spa. She'll thank you for that."

Kendall pursed his lips but then nodded. "Yeah, fine. These wouldn't last long anyway." Then he let out a growl to insinuate he'd be ripping them to shreds.

"I'm not trying to hear this." I said, walking off towards the exit, as he followed on my heels. At least he'd let our previous conversation drop, and for that, I was grateful.

"Hey, you don't think those massage places give happy endings to females too, do you?"

I screeched to a stop. "Where the hell have you been that you get a damn happy ending?"

"What? I'm not saying me, I'm saying in general." Then he gave me a nudge. "Why, you know of a place?"

"Jesus," I muttered. "No."

"Hah, I was joking. I'd never do that."

"Sure, you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't. But seriously, I'm not gonna get my wife some happy-ending shit either, so you better give me a heads-up if they're sketchy like that."

"Way to stereotype."

"It's not stereotyping, it's a legitimate question."

"Well, sorry to break it to you, but I wouldn't know of any place like that."

"Oh, right. You prefer your happy endings to stay in your head, and I don't mean the one below your belt."

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Hey, I'm being serious here."

"I'll be in the rig."

"Aw, come on, I was just messing with you." As I pushed open the exit door, I heard him laugh and call out, "Loges! Yo, Logan, come back. I swear I won't tell anyone about the rash."

* * *

 **Done! Leave it to Kendall to talk some sense into Logan. In his own caring way, of course :P**

 **So this chapter was a little short because it's kind of a two-parter. You won't have to wait long for part two sine it'll be posted tomorrow!**

 **But until then, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **Until tomorrow!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with another chapter, albeit a little late.**

 **Before we get started, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing last chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Surprisingly, I let Kendall go home in one piece. After stopping by one of the day spas downtown for Jo's gift card-and assurance that they were professional and didn't employ any attractive men to piss Kendall off-it'd been time to call it a day and head home for a long, hot shower.

But I was still restless, my mind warring against itself. Talking with Kendall earlier had only shown me how stupid I was being. 'Cause when it came down to it, what was I really worried about? That James wasn't in a position to think clearly for himself?

Or was it that I was too fucking scared he'd end up hurting me?

 _Ding, ding, ding._ Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

That was what it all boiled down to, wasn't it? I was scared shitless. And that fear had me pushing away the one thing I really wanted.

James.

Christ, I was some kind of dumb.

After shutting off the water, I grabbed a towel and wondered what to do about it. Do I reach out to James and apologize? Does he want me to? Or do I need to give him space?

Still unsure after toweling off, and too anxious to sit around, I decided to do the one thing that always helped clear my head even though it'd require another shower later. I went for a run.

Orange and pink streaked the partly cloudy sky as the sun began its descent, and the temperature was wild enough that I got away with skipping a jacket.

The longer I ran, the clearer it became that I'd made a massive error with James the other night. I should've been down on my knees, thanking God or my lucky stars that they'd been listening in on my dreams, but instead, I'd believed it was too good to be true.

I only hoped it wouldn't be too late to set things right.

As it turned out, I wouldn't have to bang down his parents' door, because as I drew near, I could see James standing by the edge of the lake, breaking off pieces of bread from the bag he held and throwing them out to the squawking ducks, who practically shoved each other of the way to dive for the food.

I slowed down to a light jog and let my breath catch up, and when I was only a few feet away, James finally looked up, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hey." I said, stepping forward cautiously, as if I were approaching a skittish animal that might run away.

"Did you come all this way for me, or are you just out for a run?"

Ah, so I hadn't been the only one sulking today. "I wasn't sure if you'd wanna see me."

James' eyes narrowed. "Why wouldn't I want to see you? I think I made it clear how much I do want to see you."

I put my hands up. "I know you did. And I'm sorry that I freaked out-"

"Why _did_ you freak out?" He said, walking toward me, his hazel eyes searing into mine. "I've seen the way you look at me, Logan. I may have a few holes I can't seem to reconcile, but I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not."

"You know, ever since I left the hospital, I've been walking on eggshells with everyone. My parents, my brother, the people I called friends. You were the only person who made me feel normal. The only person I didn't feel stupid around."

"James-"

"No, I'm not finished. I've had two days to stew about this, so you're just gonna have to listen." He stopped and put his hands on his hips. "Where was I?"

I suppressed a smile. "I'm the only person you feel normal around."

"Yeah, and damn you for that if you're gonna freak out over a kiss."

"You're right." I straightened my shoulders and let out a breath. "I got scared."

"You got scared? Why?"

"I think you know why."

"There you go assuming again. So let's say I don't know why. What do you have to be scared of?"

"You."

James reared back as if I'd slapped him. "Why?"

Before I could answer, the swarm of ducks he'd been feeding padded onto the grassy bank and swarmed around James, pecking at the bag of leftover bread he held. He reached inside and tossed a couple of handfuls into the lake, sending most of the ducks paddling back into the water while the other stragglers stayed around his feet, searching for bits on the ground.

"That's all I got, guys." He said, throwing the rest of the loaf out into the lake. "Go on. Shoo. Go eat some fish. That's right, protein's better for you than carbs anyway."

As they all filed back into the water and swam off in search of another meal, he wiped the crumbs off his hands and faced me again.

"I feed bread to ducks in my spare time, for God's sake. I'm not that scary."

A smile simmered on the edge of my lips. "That's just one of your many endearing qualities."

James stared at me and slowly shook his head. "You're confusing the hell out of me, you know that?"

"I don't mean to. The thing is…" _Just say it. He already knows, so say it._ "I'm fucking crazy about you."

James inhaled sharply, his eyes going wide, and I kept going before he had the chance to say anything.

"I only held back the other night because I didn't want to be a mistake you wish you could take back. I _don't_ want to be a mistake for you."

"Logan…" He said, his voice so tight it sounded like a strangled whisper. "You're not. I wouldn't."

"You say that now. But-"

"But nothing. You're nobody's mistake, especially not mine."

A warmth I hadn't felt in years spread through my chest, and as much as I tried to bite back a smile, it broke free anyway.

"I know what you're thinking." James said, taking a step toward me. "What if I suddenly remember my life before you and somehow look at you differently?" He took another step, this time bringing himself within touching distance. "But all I can say is that you need to trust that I can make my own decisions. I don't really understand what's happening anymore than you do, but at least I'm willing to try. Are you?"

I reached out for his arm and pulled him toward me, and he went willingly. His front brushed against mine, and since he had me by a few inches, he had to look down a little at me. No one else existed with him staring at me like that. The lake, the people walking by, all of it faded until all I could see and fell was James.

"Can we try this again?" I asked, giving him the chance to change his mind and move away if he wanted to, but when James' tongue came out to wet his lips, that was the only cue I needed.

I cradled James' head with my forefingers and swept his jaw with my thumbs. He took an unsteady breath as I searched his eyes, looking for any sign of hesitation.

"Kiss me." He whispered, and that was the final push I needed. Angling my head toward his, I made the first move this time, grazing my lips against his before taking his mouth for my own. His lips parted as he welcomed me inside, and his hands moved to my waist, holding on to me tightly. I couldn't stop the shudder that rolled through me as I let myself relish the taste and feel of him. He tasted like the most delicious forbidden fruit, but one I'd convinced myself was mine for the taking.

As our tongues tangled, James moaned and his hands moved from my waist to my lower back, pressing me against him, letting me feel the arousal straining against my own. On a reflex, I thrust my hips toward his, and he gasped before hungrily chasing my lips for more.

I lost myself in him, right there in the middle of the lake as the sun faded into night, and it was better than anything I could've dreamed up. I would've kissed him there forever if it hadn't been for a wayward bouncing ball bumping into the back of my leg.

We broke apart, just as a little boy about five or so came running down after the ball, with his mother flying after him.

"Tyler," She called out, as the boy grabbed the ball where it had landed at my feet. "I told you not to throw it until we got home." She sighed and rubbed her forehead and then gave us a polite, tired smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's no problem." I said, keeping myself glued to James' front, because, well, I was hard as a fucking rock.

The boy dashed back up the hill, ball in hand, and I turned back to James, who had a smile on his face and was watching me, not the passing family.

"So," He said as his hands went back to my waist. "You're really crazy about me, huh?"

I threw my head back in a burst of laughter and let my hands trail down his arms. Goosebumps covered his skin where I touched. I liked that. I liked that a hell of a lot.

"Don't let that go to your head, Bluebird."

James grinned at me and then leaned down slightly to kiss me again, but before he did, he whispered, "Too late."

* * *

 **Done! Looks like Jagan is FINALLY together! And they are as adorable as ever!**

 **We're reaching the halfway point of the story, so take from that what you will :P I will say that this story is nowehre near over just yet.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **Next chapter will be coming within the next week!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Of course, before we get started, I'd like to thank winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, Guest, and Spookje10 for reviewing last chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

We spent every evening together that week. One night we went back to Fish City Grill and stopped by the music store again. James had finally gotten up the courage to ask the woman how he knew her, and she told him she'd mentored him through college.

There were a couple of nights I worked late, and we ended up ordering in and lounging on the couch, spending more time talking than paying attention to anything on the TV. I was surprised to learn that once James made up his mind about something, he wasn't shy about the follow-through, and it was especially true since we'd cleared the air between us. If he wanted to kiss me, he did. If he wanted to hold my hand, he reached for it. I loved the way he always wanted to be close or touching, his hand always making contact, whether it was on my waist, my arm, my thigh.

And though things hadn't progressed any further than our nightly make-outs, I was content to keep it that way for as long as he needed.

Screw _content_ , I was happier than I could remember being...probably ever.

That weekend, when I asked James if he was up for an adventure, and he responded with a resounding "Hell yes," I'd decided to drive us an hour east to one of my favorite hidden places. As we wound up the mountain, I thought back to the conversation that had sparked the idea in the first place.

" _I'm learning all these things about me, but I still don't know enough about you." James said, as he laid his head in my lap and I absently stroked his hair._

" _Enough." I said. "And when will you know 'enough'?"_

" _When I know everything."_

" _Hmm. That could take a while."_

 _With a shrug and a lazy grin, he said, "I've got a while."_

It had occurred to me then that instead of telling him the things I enjoyed, it would be a lot more interesting if I could show him. And halfway up the mountain lay a hidden treasure, one that began in a long-deserted parking lot.

As we pulled in, James lowered his sunglasses and peered around the neglected space. Weeds grew through cracks in the ground, and the only signage indicating there was anything beyond the wildly overgrown bushes was a rickety wooden sign-spray-painted with the words _Keep Out._

James leaned over me to look at the dashboard as I turned off the car. "Uh, did we run out of gas?"

"Nope. We're here."

"Define 'here.'"

"You said you were up for an adventure, right?" I opened my door. "Let's go have one."

James stayed put. "I feel like a demented clown is gonna pop out of one of those bushes and chop me into bite-size pieces."

"Don't be silly." I said, taking out the backpack of food and drinks from the backseat and putting it on. "Clowns don't chop. They slice and dice."

"What?"

"I'm kidding. But don't worry, I'll protect you."

With a raised eyebrow, James opened his door, and I rounded the back of my car to take his hand. I led him through a small opening in the shrubs, and when we squeezed past them, his eyes widened.

A couple hundred feet away stood the old brick entrance to the park, with a faded green and yellow sign hanging over the entrance proclaiming, _We're off to see the Wizard…_

And beyond that, a glimpse of what had once been a brightly colored yellow brick road leading through the dense forest.

"What is this place?" James asked as we headed toward the entrance.

"It was an amusement park built back in the seventies, but it never really took off. It's been abandoned for decades, and I think most people have forgotten it ever existed."

"A Wizard of Oz amusement park? Why wouldn't that be huge? Especially if they had flying monkeys."

"Maybe that was the problem. They didn't." I winked as we came up to the open brick archway, where a ticket booth sat dormant to the left, and a boarded-up gift shop took up the right. There were no gates, no locks to keeps us out, and as we walked inside, James tugged on my hand.

"Is it considered trespassing if it's abandoned?"

"Probably. You don't mind breaking a few rules with me, do you?"

James pursed his lips, but didn't resist as I led us toward the uneven path of bricks that had faded to a dull yellow. "You seem to be quite the rule breaker. Sneaking into old parks, sneaking into hospital rooms…"

I let out a loud laugh at that. "You're not complaining, are you?"

"Not about the last one."

"Well, you wanted to know more about me." I stopped and gestured around.

"You're trying to tell me you're obsessed with The Wizard of Oz?"

"No." I said with a snort.

"Yeah, right. It was the ruby-red slippers that did it, right? That's what sucked you in? Or maybe you just like the creepy vibe of abandoned places."

"Bingo. But I don't think of it as creepy. It's more…"

"Spooky?"

"I was gonna say charming."

"Charmingly spooky?"

I chuckled as I shook my head. "I think it's kind of romantic." I motioned up at the trees that rose tall on either side of us, their branches stark and severe, unlike last time I'd been up this way, surrounded by the lush greenery of summer. Or the time before that, near Halloween, when the leaves had been changing and littered the ground. "Oh. Well...it's nice any other time of the year, I suppose. I guess winter makes it take on a different feel. I didn't think about that."

James came to stand in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. "I think it's awesome. Do I get a private tour?"

"Mhmm." I said as I zeroed in on his lips, and I couldn't resist leaning forward for a taste. He leaned into me, deepening the kiss, but before my cock could sit up and take notice, James pulled away and let go of me. Then he took a hold of my hand again.

"Off to see the Wizard, are we?" He joked with a grin as we set out on the yellow brick road, careful to bypass the bricks that protruded up at an angle. The last thing we needed was another ER visit, this time for a sprained ankle. "Maybe he can help me relocate my brain…"

"Why do you think we're here?"

He knocked into me, pushing me off the path into the grass as he shook his head. "Smart-ass."

As we strolled through, I pointed out the sights, which I'd looked up online after my first visit. The shack with a rusted bicycle lying against the front had been Dorothy's family home, and the field in the back had served as a petting zoo for park guests when it was open. Father down, there was a costume shop for kids and adults to dress up as their favorite characters from the movie. And then up in the distance on a hill, a towering castle with spires that represented the Emerald City.

"This is amazing." James said. "How did you ever find this place?"

"One of the guys at work dated a girl who was obsessed with The Wizard Of Oz and knew about this place. He'd mentioned it in passing one time, so I made the drive up."

As we neared Emerald City, the forest opened up to a large area that had been cleared out for families to picnic, and I led us over to a patch that hadn't been overrun with weeds. The fence that had run along the perimeter was long gone, giving us a magnificent view of the hills below.

After spreading out the blanket I'd brought for us to sit on, I set out the lunch containers and drinks I'd packed that morning, and we ate our sandwiches while taking in the view.

When he was finished, James wiped off his hands and gave me a sly smile. "First date with Logan. A creepy old park."

"Hey, rude! And how do you consider this our first date?"

"First _away_ date."

"Mhmm. First creepy away date." I muttered, pretending to pout.

"Actually…" He slid closer to me and kissed my jaw. "This is pretty damn cool. I like that you brought me somewhere unexpected."

"I like the unexpected."

James leaned back on one hand and twined his fingers with mine.

"Sometimes on my days off, I like to just get in my car and go." I said. "Drive somewhere I've never been or get lost and try to find my way out. Discover cool abandoned parks like this, or spots I've never been to. Which is kind of ironic because teenage me would be terrified at the thought. But I've come to realize that there's so much beauty and interesting places people will never see because they're too afraid to go off the beaten path. I didn't want to be one of those people." I rubbed my thumb across his. "Plus it gets me away from the majority of the human race."

"You don't seem too antisocial." He teased.

"Not anymore. I just like to unwind sometimes. My job is stressful, and when it gets to be too much, I like being able to escape and clear my head."

James nodded as he looked out over the hills. "I think I like that too. A brain break."

"A brain break?" I chuckled. "I think you've had enough of those, wouldn't you say?"

His jaw dropped and then he began to laugh. "Touché. I'll have to get you back for that one."

"Promise?"

James' head whipped in my direction, and two seconds later he pushed me back onto the blanket and put his hand on my chest to hold me in place.

"What the-" I started, but James moved on top of me, straddling my waist, and then he bent down and kissed me, effectively shutting me up.

"Please tell me this is your way of getting me back." I murmured against his lips, and as I leaned up for more, he sat back.

"Actually, yes." His weight on my stomach disappeared as he moved off me and took a swig of his water like he hadn't just attacked me.

"Wow." I sat up and shook my head, in a daze. "You're a fucking evil tease."

"How was that for a brain break?"

"You've proved your point. And cut off my circulation." I said, shifting my growing erection so I could actually sit.

James' nostrils flared as he looked down, and he started toward me again, but I held a hand up.

"Whoa, boy. Give me a few minutes to calm down."

"Maybe I can help." He suggested, but then I saw the devilish twinkle in his eyes. "I could give you a hand…"

" _Fuuuck_ , that's not helping. Talk about something else." I said as I lay back on the blanket to stretch out.

"Something other than the massive python in your pants?"

I let out a strangled laugh. "Yes, other than that."

"I'm assuming you don't want to talk about mine, either?"

"James!"

"Okay, okay." He laughed again before growing quiet. "There _is_ something I've been meaning to ask you, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Now that doesn't sound like the guy who demanded to know 'everything' about me."

"I was trying to give you an out, but you're right. You have to tell me."

I chuckled as I moved to my side and propped myself up on my elbow to prepare for whatever he had coming my way. "Go ahead. Shoot."

"Okay." He clasped his hands in his lap. "When did you know you were gay?"

"That's it?"

"What? That's a pretty personal question."

"The way you made it sound, I thought you were asking for vault-type stuff."

"Oh, that sounds juicy. Can I have the vault stuff too?"

"Maybe one day if you ask nicely." I said, winking. "And to answer your question, I think I've always known. I don't remember a moment where it was ever a flashbulb moment for me. It just always was."

"And your family knew?"

"They sat me down for 'the talk,' you know the one, and man. My dad handled it like a champ." I ran my hand along my cheek as I thought back. "I don't think he'd ever known a gay guy in his life, but he never got embarrassed or held back from telling me exactly what to expect and how to stay safe. I don't think I ever respected him more than I did then. Sometimes it can be hard in a conservative town to be someone outside the majority box, but I never felt anything other than pride when he looked at me. That goes for my mom, too."

"They sound like good people."

"Yeah." I said, nodding. "The best."

James looked down at his fidgeting hands. "I haven't told my family about you yet."

"I figured as much."

"Does that upset you?"

"No." I answered firmly. "That's your call. I'll never pressure you to do anything you aren't ready to do. I mean, you may wake up tomorrow and decide you don't want to do this. And that would be okay." _Wrong. It would hurt like hell._ "You've had a shit-ton's worth happen to you over the last few months, and you're allowed to take things at whatever pace you're comfortable with."

James laid down on his side and mimicked my pose, propped up on his elbow. "Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"For the record, I don't ever see myself changing my mind about you."

His words melted my heart, but I wasn't foolish enough to believe them, not yet.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Of course."

"How do you…Um. I mean, how does it work when you…" A blush hit his cheeks as he struggled to say whatever he was curious about. "Like do you...or does someone...Ah, shit. I don't know what I'm trying to say-"

"Are you asking if I'm a top or a bottom?"

"Uh...I don't know what that means."

 _No shit, Logan. Of course he doesn't._ "It basically means do I like to fuck or do I like to be fucked."

"Oh." His blush deepened. "Then yes, that's what I meant."

"I thought so. And you don't have to feel shy about asking. That's a normal question and pretty important when you're getting to know someone you may want to be with that way. Truthfully, my preference is that I like to bottom, that's being fucked, but I would switch it up and top with someone I care about."

James nodded and stayed quiet for a long time, but after a minute passed and he still didn't say anything, I said, "Is that too much to take in?"

"Huh? Oh, no, no. I was... filing that away for later."

"Okay. And just so you know, there's no rush here, okay? I just want to spend time with you, in whatever form that takes."

He reached out for me and ran his hand up my arm. "Thank you for bringing me here. For showing me this part of you."

"Better to know what you're getting yourself into now."

"Trust me, I'm not complaining. Not even close." James bit down on the inside of his cheek and seemed to debate with himself. "What if...I wanted more? Would that be okay?"

 _Fuck yes,_ I wanted to say, but I forced myself to temper my reaction. "I think I could handle that."

"Yeah?" He moved his hand over my shoulder, up my neck, and then back down, but this time he trailed his fingers down my chest. I took in a shaky breath as my stomach tightened beneath his touch, and when he reached the edge of my shirt, his eyes flicked up to mine.

"May I?" He asked.

When I nodded, his hand disappeared beneath the fabric, and my skin tingled where his fingers skimmed over my stomach then my chest. Then his thumb brushed across my hardened nipple, and I sucked in a breath and had to bite down on my lip to keep from moaning.

He scooted closer, until our bodies were aligned, and then pushed his knee between my thighs, opening them so our legs tangled and he could wrap his arm around my waist. As I sealed our lips together, his hips began to rock against mine, and the friction of our pants rubbing against our erections, the feel of his moving with mine, and the knowledge that it was me and my body that had caused this reaction in James…

I wanted to fucking explode. I couldn't get enough, and I knew I wouldn't last long if we kept going.

James was the first to break away, breathing hard, and though I didn't want to stop, I also didn't want his first experience with me to be on a patch of dirt. I wanted us to be able to take our time, and I wanted to lick and suck and kiss every inch of his toned body-

"Logan." James' voice was husky and filled with need. "Can we…"

"Yes?"

"Can we go back to your place?" I didn't miss the way his hips shifted as he laid out his request, or the way my heart rate went up another notch. "I want to…"

 _Oh fuck_. As his hand squeezed my ass, pressing us closer, James didn't even have to finish his sentence. I could feel his pulse beneath my fingers, racing fast as mine. I knew exactly what he wanted. What _I_ wanted, too. How the hell was I supposed to drive us home with the raging erection I was now sporting? I didn't know. But what I did know was that I was harder than I'd ever been, and it was all because of him.

"Yes." I whispered, then kissed him again, deep and eager, letting him know I was up, in more ways than one, for whatever he wanted to do.

After we untwined ourselves from each other and got to our feet, James helped me throw everything in the backpack, and when I saw the evidence of his arousal pressed firmly against his pants, I had to tell myself to stop and think of something, anything else before I blew my load in my jeans without him even touching me.

And...shit. He wanted to touch me. The same way I wanted to touch him. I could see it in his stare and feel it in the vibration between us.

I only prayed I could get us home before combusting.

* * *

 **Done! So the Jagan cuteness continues! Although it looks like things are heating up between the two ;)**

 **A little fun fact about this chapter, the place that Logan took James is an actual place! It's located on Beach Mountain in North Carolina and has been abandoned for a while but I've heard that they're reopening it this summer!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will pretty much pick up where this one left off and will be up next weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again everyone! Time for a late night update! I couldn't sleep so I figured I might as well write! :P**

 **Before we get started, of course I have to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing last chapter! I'm glad you all enjoyed it! :)**

 **I must warn you, this chapter gets a bit...heated.**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

I white-knuckled the wheel the entire drive home, and the silence between us nearly drove me crazy. James was quiet, and he was never quiet, which would've worried me if I hadn't seen his fists clenched in his lap as he tried not to look at me.

I barely remembered getting out of the car or unlocking the front door, but everything became clear as glass as soon as the door slammed shut behind us.

James dove for my mouth at the same time I reached for him, and we devoured each other as we tried to kick off our shoes. We stumbled together down the hall, our lips not leaving each other for longer than it took to remove our shirts. Bursting into my bedroom, we fell into the door, James' hands in my hair and mine holding him against me.

I heard his pants fall to the floor, and then he reached for mine. When he unbuttoned my jeans, my eyes flew open, and I realized what I'd been about to let happen.

"Wait, wait, wait." I said, grabbing his wrists and pushing him back a little. "I don't want"- _deep breath_ -"to rush this."

"If you're worried I'm gonna change my mind-"

"No." I struggled for more air, trying to calm my fucking libido down. "It's not that."

James' eyebrows scrunched together. "Wait, have _you_ changed your mind?"

"God, no." I lowered his hand to the front of my jeans, where my cock twitched as soon as he came into contact. "Trust me. Fuck no, I haven't. But I want you too much for this to be over in the next five minutes."

When I let go of him, he backed up, his calves bumping into the bedframe. He turned to look at what he'd run into, and at the sight of my king-size bed, he said, "Oh God." He looked back at me, then back at the bed, then me again. "You're right. You are. Shit."

He rubbed his stomach like he was going to be sick, and I hoped like hell he wasn't thinking this was all a mistake now that reality was setting in.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Why do I feel nervous all of a sudden?"

"Are you upset?"

"No. Not upset."

"Scared?"

"Um...I don't think so."

"Anxious?"

He swallowed. "Y-yes, I think maybe that."

I took a step toward him. "How do you feel now?"

"Like...I want you to come closer."

Another step. "And now?"

I was near enough that James reached out and placed his hand against my stomach. "I don't think it's nerves I'm feeling anymore."

I covered his hands with mine. "James?"

"Yes?"

"Get on the bed."

His eyes widened slightly, but then he did as he was told and scooted back onto the mattress, clad in only a pair of dark grey boxer briefs. I kept my jeans on for the moment, because I needed that barrier if I was gonna even attempt to take things slowly. Climbing onto the mattress, I reveled in how James tracked me, with lust swirling behind those hazel eyes. He lifted up on his knees when I did, and I took his face between my hands.

"You can stop this at any time." I said, because a tiny sliver still held me back until I heard the words I needed to hear coming out of his mouth.

"I don't want to stop."

Bringing his face to mine, I sucked on his bottom lip, and when he moaned, I pushed my tongue inside the hot, wet heat of his mouth.

If this was all I'd ever have, our mouths fused together and nothing else, I knew I'd still die a happy man. But James' appetite seemed to fully match mine, because he lowered himself to his back, and pulled me down to him.

Stretching out beside him, I trailed my fingertips down between his pecs, then over his stomach, and I could see the way his body trembled under my touch. "Are you still nervous?"

"Not because of you."

I smiled. "You'll tell me if it's too much?" Farther down I went, my fingers sneaking beneath the band of his boxer briefs to sweep over the smooth skin there that led to soft curls that I knew would be as dark as the hair on his head.

James' breath hitched. "It won't be. Trust me." His erection strained, thick and hard against the thin material, and I captured his lips in a kiss before moving my hand to cup him.

He gasped against my mouth as I stroked him through the fabric, his kisses turning hungry, and then he broke away just enough to say, "That feels...so good." When he arched his back, it sent his hips bucking up into hand, greedy and eager. This was where I wanted him, desperate for more.

But he wasn't the only one needing more.

I lifted up, settling on my knees, and then took a hold of his waistband with both hands. As I peeled the boxer briefs down his body slowly, I savored the sight of seeing him naked and beneath me for the first time.

He was fucking perfect.

Rich dark, close-cropped curls surrounded his flushed cock, the engorged length pointing toward its owner, who watched me with ravenous eyes.

Throwing his briefs aside, I settled in between his thighs, salivating already at getting a taste of what I'd desired for so long-

"Wait."

I froze.

He took a shaky breath. "Don't I get to see you?"

I looked down to where I still wore my jeans, though they hung open from where he'd unbuttoned them. "Is that...what you want?" God knew I didn't want to push him in any way, but fuck...the thought of being naked against him almost sent me straight into an orgasm.

When James nodded, licking his lips, there was no way I would deny him of anything he asked for.

I got to my feet as he sat up on his elbows, and then I hooked my thumbs under the waist of my own boxer briefs and pushed them down, along with my jeans, over my hips, letting them both drop to the ground before kicking them away.

Then I went to move back onto the bed, but James held his hand up.

"Just stay right there for a minute." He murmured as his eyes trailed over me. My heart hammered under his gaze. I'd never been so open and vulnerable under someone's gaze before, had never had anyone ask to just look at me, not the way James was looking at me. Like he wanted to memorize every inch, like my body held secrets he wanted to slowly uncover.

When his eyes met mine again, the affection I saw there had mixed with his yearning. "You're beautiful."

 _Beautiful._ Me. This body of mine, imperfect and scarred, was somehow beautiful to him, and it was then that I knew there'd be no holding back tonight, not for either of us.

With unsteady hands, I opened the drawer beside my bed and took out a bottle of lube and a condom and set them on top of the dresser. To his credit, James didn't seem fazed by my assumption. In fact, as I climbed back onto the bed, he reached for the lube and condom and put them beside him on the mattress.

Oh _fuck_. He was ready, and we'd only just gotten started. I had to pinch the head of my cock to keep from coming right there on the spot, and when James noticed what I was doing, his nostrils flared.

"If you don't want to come, you should've kept your jeans on." He said, sitting up and moving my hand away so he could take a hold of my erection. Pre-cum beaded at the tip, and as he swirled his thumb over the head, my eyes practically rolled back in their sockets.

"James...Ah, shit." I said, as he wrapped his hand around my length and began to jerk me off. My hips thrust forward of their own accord as I grabbed the back of James' neck to hold on tight.

He was a fucking master with his hand. He knew exactly how hard, how long, and how to switch it up to bring me, and keep me, at the brink.

With a curse, I said, "Not yet." and forced him onto his back before he could wring an orgasm out of me. My cock physically ached from the lack of his touch, but tonight wasn't about me. No way. It was about the man beneath me, the one I'd fantasized about having in my bed for more months than I could remember at that moment. He was there, legs spread, and looking up at me the way I'd always imagined. And then he said two words that had me moving into action.

"Logan...please."

I positioned myself between James' thighs, my mouth watering at the sight of him spread out before me. Then I hooked my arms beneath his legs and brought his hips up to my mouth like a feast I was dying to devour.

Which I was.

As my mouth sank down over James' cock, his hips jerked up, and the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat.

"Oh God, Logan." He said, clutching the bedspread. "Oh _God_."

Oh God was right, because his. Fucking. Taste. There was nothing like it, decadent and spicy, my new favorite thing. As I pulled back, I made circles around the head of his cock with my tongue, teasing before I sucking him back between my lips. The satisfaction I got from feeling his erection swelling inside my mouth was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I made this guy crazy. That was evident by the groans I pulled out of him and the way his fingers in my hair tightened to the point of pain. I knew he was getting close, but I couldn't decide whether I wanted him to come down my throat or in my ass.

Luckily, James made that decision for me.

"Logan," He said, breathless. "I want…" He couldn't get out the words, so he lifted the condom packet lying next to him, and when my eyes caught that, I slid back up his length with a _pop_.

I sat back on my heels. "Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure. I want to do this. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you."

My eyes closed briefly, and when they opened, I knew he had to see the blazing inferno roaring inside them. "Then James?"

"Yeah?"

"Put on the damn condom already."

With fumbling fingers, it took him a couple of tries to rip open the packet, but he managed to slide on the rubber on the first go. My ass clenched in anticipation of having him inside me, and I picked up the lube and flipped open the cap.

"Come here." I said, and when he joined me, I poured the liquid into my palm and coated his dick. "You're gonna need to use this on me too."

James shivered as I handed him the lube, and I took his chin between my thumb and forefinger. I kissed him slowly, thoroughly, passionately, telling him in that kiss exactly how much I wanted him, and as I did, the trembling subsided. This time, he was the one to push me onto my back, and the wicked grin curving his lips told me he was looking forward to this just as much as I was.

Scooting down the bed toward him, I bent my knees and spread my legs. With his cock jutting out in front of him, ready to take me, James looked at me-all of me-for the first time, and then did something that had a smile curling my mouth. He licked his lips.

"Christ, you're sexy." He said, as he settled in between my thighs and poured more lube onto his sheathed dick. He angled his erection down as he poured, and I felt the liquid where I needed it.

"Get inside me, already." The guttural sound coming out of my mouth didn't sound like me, but it had JAmes biting down hard on his lip as he lined his cock up against my hot hole.

I was ready, oh so fucking ready, and I was about to tell him so, when he slowly pushed the head of his erection inside me. On a gasp, he pulled back out, but I reached up for his hips and held him there.

"Just do it. Slowly. You won't hurt me." I guided him back to my entrance, and as the tip nudged against me, I took a deep breath, letting it out as James pushed inside and kept going this time.

"Oh wow." He said under his breath when he paused, and I grabbed his hips again and forced him to keep going. I welcomed the burn that came with not being stretched beforehand, and from not having a partner in months. The pleasure bordered on the edge of pain, but I welcomed it. I not only wanted it, but I needed it. Had it not been for the sting, I would've thought I was hallucinating James' gorgeous, leanly muscular body above me, his lightly tanned skin a contrast to my pale white.

Oh God, I can't." James said, his brow beading with sweat. "You feel too good...too tight. I'm gonna come."

"Look at me." I said, and waited until he did. "You're not coming until I feel you inside me. _All_ of you."

With his eyes still on mine, he followed my command, grunting and pushing inside to the hilt. Once we were completely joined, I ran my hands down to the smooth curve of his ass and gave him one last instruction. "Now take me."

If I thought James would hold back with me just because it was his first time, I was dead wrong. He knew exactly what to do, exactly how to take me and make my toes curl with every thrust of his hips.

Leaning down over me as he continued to move, he seized my lips, plunging his tongue deep inside so there was no part of him that wasn't joined to every part of me. It wasn't enough for him, the sex. He wanted to be connected completely, the physical, the emotional, intertwined. I'd wanted him inside me for so long, and now that he was, it was so much... _more_. More intense, more emotional, and more consuming than I ever could've imagined.

The rise of an impending wave threatened to crest over me just as James cried out. "I'm gonna come...I can't hold back-"

"Come with me." I growled, the cords in my neck pulled tight as the most powerful orgasm of my life overwhelmed and threatened to consume me. Faintly, I heard James call out my name, felt his hips jerk erratically, but I was too far gone into the ecstasy of my climax to urge him on. A few seconds later, James collapsed on top of me, the evidence of my orgasm between us, and both of us slick with sweat, but neither of us could be bothered to move. My limbs felt heavy, like I'd run a marathon in sweltering desert heat. We both lay there, catching our breaths and waiting for the carnal fog to lift.

"How are you real?" James' words were muffled against my chest.

"I've been thinking the same damn thing about you."

"That was"-He lifted his head to look up at me-"un-fucking-believable."

I let out a weak chuckle, my body still weary, but he was right. 'Intense' wouldn't cut it to describe what had just happened between us.

I pulled open the bedside drawer then reached inside to grab towel, and James begrudgingly moved to his back so I could wipe him down. After I cleaned myself off I tossed the towel in the laundry bin and pulled the covers back. James had never stayed over before, not the whole night, and I hoped he wasn't about to throw on his clothes and leave.

When he tugged the sheet up over his hips and patted the empty space beside him, I let out a relieved sigh and slid in under the covers. James snuggled into my side, one arm over my waist, and his cheek resting on my chest. From my angle, I could see the scar on his head, and I gently brushed my fingers around it. "Seems to be healing well."

"Mhmm." He said.

"I've got some wicked scars as a keepsake too."

That got his attention. "Oh yeah? Where?"

"You mean you didn't notice? Guess you'll have to find them."

"Next time. I'll make sure to do a thorough body check."

I smiled at the thought of there being a next time. "You do that."

"I will." He said, and then he yawned. He was silent for a long time, and I thought he'd gone to sleep, but then he said, "Logan? Is it always like this?"

My arm tightened around him. "No, Bluebird. It's never like this."

He placed a kiss on my chest, and within seconds, his body rose and fell in the deep, peaceful breaths of sleep.

It had been a long time since I prayed, but as I lay there with James in my arms, I sent up a quick thank you to whoever was listening. Nothing and no one had ever fit me as well James Diamond, and I made a vow then to do whatever it took to keep him in my life.

Happy.

Healthy.

Together.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, this was pretty much one big smut chapter for the most part. But I knew that I wanted their first time together to be special, especially since everything's been kind of building up to this point.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment! My personal favorite was the ending. It was just so sweet!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed. For anyone that's reading Written In The Stars, you can expect an update for that story tomorrow morning and possibly Sunday as well! As for this story, I've already started the next chapter so that will be up within the next few days.**

 **Now, for me to try and get some sleep :P**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time for another chapter!**

 **Before we get to that though, I would like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and spookje10 for reviewing last chapter! I'm so glad that you all enjoyed it. It took me a while to finish that chapter because I knew that their first time had to be special after all they've been through so far and I really wanted to capture all of their emotions.**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

It was two weeks later when I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed and the caressing sounds of a piano lullaby playing. For a few minutes, I lay there, content to listen as sleep hovered at the edges, but soon my desire to see James and make sure he was okay overpowered any need to close my eyes again. I pushed off the covers and put on a pair of sweatpants before padding down the hall.

The house was dark, the world outside still sleeping, and when I passed the clock, the time read 3:00 a.m. Since James had been staying over more often than not now, all while telling his parents he'd gone back to his apartment, he said he hadn't suffered any of the nightmares that plagued him on a regular basis, waking him up out of a dead sleep. I hoped tonight hadn't been any different, but he'd also never gotten up to play before. That was the main reason I'd left the warmth of the bed. I needed to check on my man.

Staying in the shadows, I leaned against the door that led into the kitchen, not wanting to disturb him, but close enough to see him. Illuminated only by the moonlight filtering in through the slits in the blinds, James sat at the piano with his eyes closed, his body softly swaying along as he played.

The minutes passed, and every now and again he'd stop, pick up the pen lying on top of the piano, and jot something down before continuing or starting over to play it through, and all the while I stayed silent, taking the moment to just look at him. He hadn't dressed before coming out here. His chest was bare and he wore only a pair of boxer briefs.

From where I stood, I could see the strong muscles in his shoulders and arms tensing and flexing beneath the smooth expanse of his skin as he played. I knew what it was like to run my tongue along the ridges and curves there, how firm his body felt under my lips. How firm his cock felt as he pushed past my lips. A grin tugged at my lips at the thoughts.

James' hair had grown back fast, and it was now the same length it had been back when we were strangers. But where he used to have it perfectly styled, he now had mussed it with his fingers in a wake-up-and-go style that suited him. And I didn't have to tell him I referred the mussed, just-fucked look best. Considering that whenever he was around, I could never stop myself from threading my fingers through the strands and drawing him toward me, I had a feeling he could tell, and that was why he continued to wear it that way.

When he finally saw me standing in the doorway, the music stopped.

"Did I wake you?" He asked.

"Not at all." I shook my head and stepped into the room. "I want you to play whenever you feel like it."

"I'm sure you didn't mean at three in the morning." He said with a smile, as his fingers moved over the keys again.

"I meant anytime." Crossing over to him, I smiled and then leaned over the piano to give him a kiss. He hummed in the back of his throat.

"It wasn't a nightmare tonight, was it?"

"Not tonight. I woke up with an idea of how to end a song I've been working on, and I didn't want to forget."

"The one you were playing just now?"

"Yeah. Do you like it?"

"It's my favorite. You played it the night we found the music store downtown."

He smiled. "It reminds me of you. The way you feel. The way you make _me_ feel." He started the slow melody again from the top. "Safe...treasured...home."

"I'm glad I make you feel that way." I settled my upper body on top of the piano with my chin on my arms and let my eyes fall closed as he played. I couldn't fathom a more beautiful sound in the world. If he wanted to play every night, there would be nothing more that I'd want to wake up to.

Well, nothing more than James himself.

Abruptly, the music stopped, and when I opened my eyes, I saw James' head down, and his forehead screwed up tightly.

"Are you okay?"

When James' head shot up, he smoothed his face and then gave me a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine." He said, getting to his feet.

"You don't have to stop."

"No, I think I've got it now." He scribbled something in his notebook and then tossed the pen on top of it.

"Sometimes I have to get it out. But I'm tired now. Ready to go back to bed with you." He said, taking my outstretched hands. I drew him close, nuzzling my face into the warmth of his neck.

"It's one of my favorite things in the world, listening to you play."

"You're biased."

"I'm not." I brushed a kiss below his ear. "Just lucky."

"I'm lucky too."

"You may not say that after this week." I said. After non-stop hassling from Kendall about when he was finally officially gonna get to meet James, I'd finally relented, and to my surprise, James had jumped at the idea. Kendall was bringing Jo, and I had no doubt those two would get along with James like a house on fire. But still, Kendall was enough to run anyone off if they weren't prepared.

"Have I mentioned I can't wait to meet your friends?"

"They're excited to meet you too. But I'm still apologizing in advance for Kendall's mouth."

"He doesn't scare me."

"He should. Hell, he scares me."

James laughed as we climbed back into bed, the conversation fading into languid kisses as we draped ourselves over each other and settled into a peaceful quiet, the kind that came before sleep.

But as the minutes passed, and despite James' comment about being tired, he seemed unable to rest. I could practically hear his mind going a mile a minute beside me, and I untangled myself from him and faced him on my side.

"What usually wakes you?" I asked. "When it's bad?"

He was quiet for a long time, and that alone told me I'd hit the nail on the head. "The doctor said they're panic attacks. Sometimes they hit so hard I think I'm going to die."

"What does it feel like?"

"It feels like someone is sitting on my chest, crushing my lungs, and I have this feeling of… It's hard to explain." I waited as he searched for the words. "Doom, maybe? Emptiness? Fear? With dreams, I can't tell what's real and what's not. Am I remembering things that happened, or are they made up? I think maybe that's the scariest part. Feeling like I have no sense of reality. I'm pretty sure that's what triggers the attacks."

My heart clenched for the struggle he went through, even after all this time. He put on a brave face, but inside he was terrified. There was no telling if or when the panic would ever go away, if he'd ever remember, but none of it was within my control. All I could do was be there. Be the anchor he needed in the real world.

As if he was reading my mind, he said, "But I don't feel that way when I'm with you. It all goes away. You seem to...ground me...somehow." Then he lifted up onto his elbows. "I can't imagine that what I had before could've been anywhere as amazing as what I have now. Even with the holes, the panic attacks, the frustration...it almost feels like I have a clean slate. Does that make sense? Like it doesn't matter what happened before, and now I can figure out what I like, what I don't like...what I love."

A surge of heat flooded my stomach, but I wasn't about to let myself read into his words. Instead, I said, "I'd help you remember. If that's what you wanted."

"I don't know. Part of me wants to know who I am...who I _was_ before my accident. But what if I don't like who I was?"

I shook my head. "That's impossible."

"Why?"

"Because I was drawn to you, even before the accident." A smile crept across his face, and I kissed him. "So, see? You couldn't have been that bad."

"Maybe." He laid his head on my shoulder. "Can we just stay like this instead?"

"In bed? Practically naked?"

"Mhmm. Those things too."

I curled my arm protectively around him, wanting to shield him from the nightmares, the emptiness he felt. Wishing I could give him back the missing pieces. How would that change him? Change us? And would I do it if it meant I could lose him? He'd become such an integral part of my life in such a short amount of time that the thought of being without him was unbearable. Unthinkable.

I tried not to dwell on those thoughts, distracting myself by kissing the top of his head and trailing my fingers along his spine. His body began to relax, and soon, sleep overtook him again.

But I stayed awake, the silence I'd once enjoyed now deafening in his absence.

* * *

 **Done! So, we got a little more insight on James this chapter and possibly a little foreshadowing? How he's still dealing with trauma from both his accident and memory loss. We also got a peek at Logan's fears of what will happen if and/or when James gets his memories back. And it seems that James will finally be meeting Kendall and Jo soon!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I have a little mid-week update for you all!**

 **But before we get to that, a huge thank you goes out to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and spookje10 for reviewing last chapter! I have to admit, I'm so happy you all are liking the piano element of the story! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"It's just me." James called out as he shut my front door the next day after I'd gotten home from work.

I put a pan of lean ground beef on the stove to brown and then began to separate chunks with a wooden spoon. "Hey, I'm in the kitchen."

James rounded the corner, and it never failed that as soon as he came into any room I was in, his face lit up and a wide smile crossed his lips. And it wasn't a friendly _hey, how are ya_ smile, at least not anymore. It was an expression saved solely for me, and with the way my stomach unleashed wild butterflies every time I saw him, I knew that feeling wouldn't be going away anytime soon.

 _Mine_ , I thought, as James strolled over and planted a lingering kiss on my lips. _All mine._

"You look handsome in an apron." He said, fingering the strap around my neck. I never wore one, but when I'd been out picking up the food for tonight, I'd seen the stack of 'Kiss the Chef' aprons and hadn't been able to resist. Any reason to get James' lips on mine.

Then James leaned in close to my ear and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. "I bet you'd look good in just the apron too."

 _Fuuck_. If he was trying to make me hard, he was succeeding. My dick punched against my zipper, and I groaned. "If you're here to torture me, it's working."

"Just giving you something to look forward to." He said, and the promise of what would happen later had me ready to forget about dinner. I always did prefer my dessert first.

"It's not nice to tease." I said, pushing back against him. His hands slid down to the front of my pants, rubbing against my growing erection, and I let out a curse.

"James." I said in warning. If he didn't stop, I was about to have him for dinner instead. But then he let out chuckle and his hands disappeared from where they'd been driving me crazy.

"I'll behave. For now."

"I don't think you know how. And I wasn't complaining."

"I'd hope not." He rested his head on my shoulder and watched as I measured out the chili, garlic, and onion powders, and mixed them together. "Smells good. Whatcha making?"

"How do you feel about taco Tuesday?"

"Mmm. I'd say I feel pretty damn good about it. And you make your own taco seasoning? Damn. I scored."

I laughed and kissed his cheek, still blown away that I could do such a simple thing as that.

"How can I help?" He asked as he went over to the sink and washed his hands.

"You can provide the entertainment."

James shut off the faucet and narrowed his eyes slightly. "Is that your way of keeping me out of the kitchen and away from your pants?"

I feigned shock. "I would never want to keep you away from my pants."

"Suure." He said, chuckling as he sat at the piano. There was a pause, and then he started an up-tempo song that perfectly matched the mood.

"I like that one. What is it?"

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"Oh. I knew that."

James chuckled again. "I love that you're so easily impressed."

"Hard not to be when it's you."

"What about this one?" He played a little ditty that I recognized right away.

"'Old MacDonald Had A Farm'? Now you're just making fun of me."

He let out a soft laugh before switching up the song again as I took the pan off the stove and poured the meat into a colander to drain out the oil. Then I rinsed off the pan, put the meat back in, and sprinkled in my homemade seasoning.

It all felt so normal, making dinner while James played piano in the background. Easy. Light. Homey. As it should be.

The music stopped suddenly, and I glanced over my shoulder to see James shaking his head before moving his neck from side to side.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just stretching out a bit."

"Is that a hint that I should strip you down later for a massage?"

James licked his lips and nodded. "Oh hell yes."

I winked before going back to getting dinner ready, but a few minutes later, the music James started playing stopped again, and this time, James was bent over the keys, clutching his head.

"Are you okay? James?" Dropping the lettuce I'd been shredding, I rushed over to him and crouched down.

"I'm fine." He said, holding his head.

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It'll pass." But with his eyes still closed and his face scrunched up, whatever was causing him pain evidently wasn't stopping.

"What'll pass? Excruciating pain?"

He grunted. "It's just a headache."

"Where does it hurt?"

"On the side. Right here." He said, covering the still slightly scarred left side.

"Just a headache where your skull smashed against the glass and cracked it? Anywhere else?"

"No. And it's not a big deal."

My mind went back to last night, when he'd been in this very spot and had paused and shaken his head like he'd had to ward off something. Something like a fucking _headache_ ,maybe?

"How long have you been having this kind of pain?"

"Logan-"

"How long?"

"A couple of days-" He started, stopping when he inhaled sharply and doubled over with his head in his hands, and that was it. My adrenaline kicked in.

With a curse, I gently squeezed his knee and ran over to turn the stove off. Then I grabbed my keys off the counter.

"Where are you...ah...going?"

I spun back around to face him. "Correction. Where are _we_ going. And you know the answer to that." I reached down to feel for my wallet in my pockets, but when it wasn't there, I raced through the house to check my bedroom. Finding what I was looking for on the dresser, I shoved the wallet into my pants pocket and went to get James.

"Logan, this is crazy. It's easing up now."

"Crazy?" I shook my head. He may not understand the implications of what could be happening, but I'd be damned if I let something go down on my watch. I wasn't taking my chances, not with James. "No, what's crazy is not telling anyone you're in pain. Crazy is not doing anything about it." I held out my hand for him to take, and as he got to his feet, I said, "We need to get you looked at, and I'd feel better if we did that now. Okay?"

Something in my face must've told him not to argue, because he nodded. "Okay."

As we went out to my car, my heart beat like a thousand galloping horses stomping across my chest.

 _It's just a precaution_ , I told myself as I got him inside and shut the door. _He's fine. No need to freak out. He's allowed to have headaches. They don't have to mean anything._

When I'd buckled myself in and started the car, James' quiet voice filled the space between us. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just"-I rubbed my eyes with my forefinger and thumb-"worried. I'm sorry, I don't mean to take that out on you. But if something's wrong…"

James pulled my hand away from my face and held it in his lap. "There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine now. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll go get checked out and then you can spend the night making it up to me for being wrong."

God, how I hoped he was right. But I had a sinking feeling in my gut. Call it intuition, but something told me I needed to get him checked out, and it needed to happen now. I knew the signs, I knew the symptoms, but I wouldn't know anything for sure until we got him to the hospital for a scan.

"Deal?" He asked.

I hesitated and then nodded. "Deal."

"Good." He said, letting go of my hand so he could strap his seatbelt on. As he went to buckle himself in, I saw the flinch on his face. Another shot of pain. I'd bet my life on it. But when he looked up at me and saw my concern, he schooled his features into a small smile.

He wasn't fooling me, but I didn't say anything as I started up the car and shot out of the driveway. Thank God the hospital was only a short drive from my place. I felt desperate to get there, at the very least for us to have some peace of mind.

James laid his head on my shoulder, and the fact that he was quiet during the entire ride to the hospital had my stomach feeling all kinds of unsettled. I thought about calling his parents, but if it really turned out to be nothing, there was no use riling them up.

Maybe I'd been in this business too long. Maybe I was just turning paranoid.

 _Or maybe not…_

The ten minute drive took less than eight, and when I parked in the emergency room lot and shut off the engine, James frowned.

"The ER? Wait, I thought we were just going to a doctor?"

"We are. An ER doctor."

"But-" He closed his eyes, sighing. "Fine. Okay."

I was out of the car in a flash and rounding the hood just as he opened his door. He let me take his hand, something we'd never done in public, and that small act wasn't lost on me. My stomach flipped over on itself, nerves and butterflies warring in my stomach as I led him through the automatic double doors of the entrance and down the hall to the ER waiting room.

"Logan, hey." Kelly, the office manager, said when we approached the window. She looked between the two of us and must've caught on to the grim look on my face, because her smile fell. "What brings you in?"

I inclined my head towards James. "He was involved in a car accident early January. Currently experiencing excruciating pain at the point of injury." I barely managed the next words. "I'd like to get him checked as quickly as you can for a...possible complication."

She pushed back her chair and stood. "I'll go see who's free. Do you have preference?"

I shook my head. "Not really. But Adler saw him last time."

"Okay, I'll see if she's available." She said. "Have him fill out the sign-in screen over there, and I'll be back in just a sec."

"Thanks, Kelly."

When I turned around, James was already over at the kiosk, putting in his information and symptoms via the touchscreen, and I tried not to hover behind him. As he finished, the doors leading to the back opened, and Kelly motioned for us to follow her.

This time, James was the one to take my hand, lacing his fingers through mine as we walked past the nurses' station, filled with the people I knew and worked with on a daily basis. With my lips pulled tight, I nodded at them as we passed, and though there were questioning looks about what was happening, they all seemed to understand that now was not the time to chat.

Kelly led us into one of the exam rooms, where James' weight and vitals were taken before we were left in the room alone. I took a seat in the chair beside the table while James changed into the gown that was given to him, and when he settled back on the table, he reached for my hand and rested it under his on his thigh.

"What are you thinking?" He asked softly.

"How sexy look in that gown."

James chuckled and pulled at the pea-green fabric. "Not my best color."

"But somehow you pull it off."

"Hah. I bet _you'd_ like to pull it off." He winked, and I managed a smile, because fuck, if he was going to try to crack jokes instead of worrying in tense silence, then I needed to go along with it.

The door opened then, and a tall woman with a brunette bun walked in. She held her hand out to James. "Hello, I'm Dr. Rebecca Adler." Then she caught sight of me sitting on the other side of him. "Logan, hi."

"Is it okay if he stays?" James asked, his grip on my hand tightening.

She smiled at him. "Of course." I pulled my hand back as she began her examination, all the while asking him questions, and I couldn't help but think how strange it was to be on the other side of the patient/medic relationship, especially in the background like I was now. It took everything I had to sit quietly, to not answer the questions for him, to not offer my own opinion.

 _Let her do her job. That's why you're here._

After she finished her examination, Dr. Adler sat back on the stool. "How does your head feel now?" She asked. "Is it more of an ache or a shooting pain?"

"It's a shooting pain that comes and goes. Right now it's not hurting much, though."

"Well, James, I'd like to do a CAT scan first to make sure there's nothing going on that we need to be concerned about." Dr. Adler glanced over at me briefly, and I was able to read her correct assessment between the lines. The scan needed to make sure there was no bleeding in his brain. "Then, depending on what that tells us, we'll take it from there."

James looked over at me, and I nodded, agreeing with her plan.

"Okay." He said. "When will you do the scan?"

"I'll put in the order now and someone should be here to take you back soon."

"Oh. Okay then."

She stood up and shook his hand again. "I'll be back when we have your results. If you have any pain, any pain at all, let us know by hitting the call button on the remote, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

Dr. Adler smiled at him, and then at me before exiting the room, plunging the room into silence again.

"See?" I said, feigning cheerfulness. "Just a quick scan and they'll send you home with some Tylenol."

I didn't know why I said that. I knew that wasn't going to happen, and the look in James' eyes as his gaze met mine told me he knew that too.

"Logan…"

My heart clenched at the fear in his voice because I felt it too. I knew that we were both afraid, but right now, all we could really do is hope for the best and hope that we caught whatever's going on early enough. I scooted to the edge of my seat and took his hand in mine again.

"I know, Bluebird." I said, pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand. "I know."

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that something is going on with James. But I kind of made up for it with the adorable Jagan moments at the beginning of the chapter, right? Please don't kill me!**

 **You won't have to wait long to find out what's going on though. There will be a double update coming this weekend!**

 **Until then, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **See you this weekend!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time for another update!**

 **Before we get into it, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and Riku child of Dawn for reviewing last chapter! I think we're all in agreement that I'm a horrible person and that I should just leave James and Logan in peace. But what's the fun in that? :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

They wheeled James back for the CAT scan not too long after Dr. Adler left, and I waited alone in the empty room, looking down at James' phone in my hands. He'd handed it to me to keep a hold of while he was there, and I debated whether or not to make the call to his parents. I'd intended to wait until we got the results back to let them know whether it was necessary or not to come down, but if I were in their shoes, I'd want to know what was going on.

I scrolled through his contacts, looking for either of his parents' numbers, and when I saw the listing for 'Mom,' I hit the call button. His mother answered on the second ring.

"James, sweetie, you're missing out on the most extraordinary salmon." She said by way of greeting. There was the sound of people chatting in the background and glasses clinking. "You should've come with us."

"Hello, Mrs. Diamond. This is Logan, James'"-I hesitated, unsure of how much she knew-"friend."

"Oh yes, Logan, hello. Is everything all right?"

"Actually…" _How do I put this so that they don't freak out?_ "James has been suffering from some headaches the past couple of days. He assured me it was nothing serious, but he had another one tonight, and I thought we should get it checked out, just to be on the safe side. He's getting a scan at Floyd right now, and we should know something soon."

"At Floyd? Floyd _Hospital_?" The connection muffled like she'd pulled her phone away, and I could hear her repeating what I'd said to someone. When she got back on the line, she said, "Logan? We'll be up there soon."

"Okay. There may not be any need, but I know he'd like to have you here just in case."

"Thank you. I really appreciate you letting us know."

"Anytime." I hung up just as James was wheeled back in the room, and I stood up to greet him. "Easy enough, huh?"

"Mhmm." He winced as another shot of pain seemed to race through him, and he covered his eyes with his hand.

"Does the light make it worse?" I asked before looking up at the nurse who'd wheeled him in. "Can we dim the lights in here at all?"

"Of course." She flipped them off so that only a faint glow over the counter filtered through the room, and soon after, James eased back onto the bed.

I leaned down and cupped his face, pressing a kiss to his forehead and wishing I could ease the pain by doing so.

"I'm so pissed off." He said, his face downturned. "I really wanted taco Tuesday."

That made me laugh, and he managed a small smile too. "You'll get an even more amazing taco Tuesday when you feel better."

"I like the sound of that. But for now," He said, tapping his finger against his lips. "Kiss?"

"As many as you want."

With one hand on the side of the bed to hold me steady, I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, teasing for entry, and he grinned and granted me access, lifting his head to meet my mouth. Our tongues made slow, languid stroked against each other, each of us trying to memorize the feel of the other. Nothing else existed when we came together like this. There was no hospital. No headaches. No worry about what might happen. Just the two of us, devouring each other like we'd never gotten the chance before and not thinking about what would happen if we never got the chance again.

Minutes must've passed when James tensed and groaned against my lips. I pulled back and lowered his head gently to the bed, and then waited for the pain to pass.

James' eyes opened as he panted, and a lone tear escaped down his face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I said, wiping the wetness away. "I'll make up tacos for you, you'll make up kisses for me. It's only fair."

His eyes shone at me. "I got pretty lucky to know you, Logan Mitchell. How did that happen?"

"Well," I said, pulling the chair up closer to the bed. "It all started with a coffee machine…"

"Oh God. I guess I'm gonna have to give it a go and see what all the fuss is about after all."

"Hey, it was life-changing the first time around." I said, indicating myself.

"Huh. I never asked…"

"Yeah?"

"How did I take it? My coffee?"

"Why would you think I'd know?" I teased.

"Don't you?"

I cracked a smile. "You'd get the regular latte, I think maybe because you liked the bit of foam or maybe you liked the milk. Then you'd add two sugars and two extra creamers."

"Uh, that's specific. I got it that way every time?"

"Every single time, though the flavor of the creamers changed occasionally. Oh, and except when you were busy cursing at the machine for breaking down, and then you'd settle for the regular stuff like me."

James' lips curved. "I think you might've been paying attention to me, Logan Mitchell."

"I'm only surprised it took you this long to notice." I'd said it as a joke, but a troubled expression crossed his face.

"I couldn't have _just_ noticed. If I was a smart guy at all, there's no way I wouldn't have noticed you."

I opened my mouth, a teasing comment on the tip of my tongue, but there was a quick knock on the door, and then Dr. Adler entered the room, followed by-

 _Fuck. Oh fuck._

My heart dropped to my feet, and any hope I'd been holding that I'd panicked, that I'd been overly cautious in bringing James here, vanished the instant when the woman behind Dr. Adler came into view and shut the door behind her. There was no reason a neurosurgeon should be paying James a visit unless it was for a reason.

A really bad fucking reason.

My body went hot, like someone had submerged me into a vat of boiling water, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I pulled at the collar of my shirt and put my elbows on my knees.

Oh God, I was gonna pass out before they even said anything.

"James, this is Dr. Grey, a neurosurgeon here at Floyd." Dr. Adler said. "We've both gone over your CAT scan, and there's something we need to discuss."

 _Fuck fuck fuck._

Dr. Grey took over then, but it was like a teacher in the Peanuts cartoons, where you heard her talking but couldn't make out a goddamn thing she was saying. My head went fuzzy as blood roared in my ears. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand and tried to focus, but I knew all too well what they were telling him. Every now and then a word would make it through the thundering in my brain, and it only confirmed what I already knew.

" _Bleeding...temporal lobe...operate...today…"_

I snapped back into focus then, just as James said, "I'm sorry, can you repeat that last part again?"

"We've got to operate." Dr. Grey said, giving James a sympathetic smile. "Today, with your permission, James."

Somehow, I'd known those words were coming, but that didn't make it any easier to hear them said out loud. And by the lack of shock on James' face, I'd guess he'd known all along that his symptoms were more serious than merely a headache.

"I assume there's no other way to...fix it?" He asked.

"I'm afraid not." Dr. Grey responded. "Bleeding in the brain is a serious condition that can be fatal if left untreated. We can't take the risk of waiting."

James blinked as his eyes found mine, and I nodded to indicate that she was telling the truth and I agreed. "I-I'll need to call my family-"

"Your parents are on their way." I said. "I called while you were getting the CAT scan. They should be here soon."

"Oh...okay...okay." He looked down at his hands, his teeth worrying his lip. "I guess you...have my permission. If there's no other option."

"I'm afraid not, James. But don't worry, we'll take good care of you. Do you have any questions for me?"

"I...don't know."

She gave him an understanding smile. "I know this is probably a bit of a shock for you. But if there's anything you think of that you'd like to know, just ask. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll be back with my team in a little while to get things going. Just sit tight."

James nodded, and as she left the room, I could feel his stunned silence like a tangible thing in the air.

"How did this happen?" He whispered. "I was supposed to be getting better, not-" He broke off in a sob, but then bit down on his fist and pulled it back together.

"Just breathe." I said. "And if you want to cry, you can do that too."

James took a deep breath and let it out slowly before repeating the move again. When he opened his eyes again, the fear that had been there was no longer the most dominant emotion, though it still lingered. In its place was acceptance, and as he exhaled again slowly, he reached out for my hand.

"Thank you for looking out for me. For caring enough about me to bring me here." I leaned over to kiss him lightly on the lips, and when I sat back down, he continued. "This won't be like last time, will it? I'm not gonna wake up and forget everything again. Right?"

"I don't know." I answered. "I hope not. But anytime there's a brain injury, it opens itself up to possibilities."

"So I could forget you?" His gaze was so direct, so penetrating, that I swore he could see the answer I feared in my head like it was written on a billboard. "That's a possibility, even if it's a small one?"

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and tried for a smile. "Now, why would you do something like that?"

"Logan. Could I?"

"I don't know." I said again, wishing I could give him a definitive answer. "I really hope not. I'm sure the likelihood is slim, but I just don't know. And I won't make you a promise I'm not a hundred percent positive I can keep."

James looked away, his gaze drifting to the medical equipment set up in the corner. "When I wake up, I might not be me. I might not know you anymore." His eyes glassed over. "And I really like knowing you."

 _Stutter. Stutter. Stutter._ My heart wasn't ready for that possibility. "I really like knowing you too." _Breathe. Just breathe._ "But don't think about the what-ifs. Think about waking up to me."

"I'll remember." He said, his jaw set as his eyes met mine. "I swear I won't forget you. I won't forget any of it." His hand squeezed mine so tight that my circulation was cut off. "I promise I'll wake up to you."

I knew better than for him to make promises he couldn't keep, the same as I couldn't, but I nodded anyway, hoping it was the truth.

The door swung open, and as James' parents came rushing inside, dressed up in elegant evening attire that told me I'd definitely interrupted date night, I let go of James' hand and got to my feet.

"Sweetie, we came as fast as we could." His mom said, rounding the bed to plant a kiss on his forehead, and then she moved to the side for James' father to greet him as well.

I stood there like an elephant in the room until they both looked my way.

"Have you heard anything yet?" His mom asked, and I proceeded to give them a rundown of what they'd found and what would be happening next. His mom's hand went over her mouth, and she looked down at James. "Oh my God. How… Did we do something wrong? I didn't know about the headaches, and-"

"It was nothing you did, I can assure you." I said. "It was nothing he did either. Sometimes it happens, and you can't predict it. You can only try to catch it early before-" Realizing what I was about to say, and not wanting to utter that morbid possibility, I tried again. "It's just best to catch it early, and that's what they're doing now."

Someone in the doorway cleared their throat, and when we turned in her direction, the nurse that had wheeled James in earlier stood there with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm so sorry, but we can't allow more than two visitors in the room at a time."

Damn that fucking rule.

I indicated the door with my thumb. "I'll just be outside grabbing a coffee." To James, I said, "I'll see you before you go back."

The look on his face told me he didn't want me to leave, but he needed to spend time with his family.

"Logan, thank you so much. Once again you've been there for James, and I don't know how we can-" His mother cut off as she broke into tears, and her husband put his arm around her.

"Thank you." He said over her head, and the gratitude in his eyes said enough.

The stares from my colleagues as I exited James' room were full of nothing but sympathy, and I could feel the support they were sending my way without any words needing to be spoken.

As the double doors opened and I headed out into the waiting room, I felt as though I was moving in slow motion. I took the nearest chair and sank into it, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

And then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

A hand on my shoulder shocked me upright, but it was only Kelly, coming to check on me. She didn't ask how I was, that much could be read on my face.

"Can I get you anything, Logan? Some coffee? Something to eat?"

"No." I said, rubbing my face. "But thank you."

She squeezed my shoulder. "Holler if you need anything."

When the doors opened again, James' parents came through, and I got to my feet.

"They're about to take him back, but he wanted to see you first." His mom said. "We're supposed to go to the waiting room on the fourth floor."

"Thanks." I said as I watched them go, and then I waited until the doors buzzed open again and hurried through.

There was a notepad in James' lap when I entered, and he quickly tore off the top page and folded it up.

"Logan." He said. "Before I go, I wanted to-"

"We're ready for you James." Dr. Grey said, entering the room with a team wheeling in a gurney.

"But…" James gestured toward me. "Can I just have a minute with him. Please?"

"I'm so sorry, but we've got to get you ready in pre-op."

This was happening too fast. We haven't even had a chance to say what we needed to, and God knew I wasn't ready for the possibility of losing him, no matter how irrational that fear could turn out to be. But the medic in me knew his life was on the line, and every second I held things up was a second things could take a dramatic turn. I wouldn't be able to live with that if anything happened to James.

"You've got this." I told him, fighting back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me if I let them out. I needed to be strong for him, even if I didn't feel it.

James reached out for my hand, and when I grasped it, he said, "I promise. I promise I'll wake up to you." Then he brought our joined hands up to his lips and brushed a kiss on my palm, and before he let go, he transferred the piece of paper he'd been holding to me. "I'll see you soon."

"I'll be here."

He smiled at me, a smile full of hope and maybe something more, love. Love, in the way you'd love your friend or a loved one. He couldn't possibly mean it any other way, but the sentiment was there all the same. _You're someone I love and care about. I'll come back to you._

I squeezed his hand and stepped away from the bed as they transferred him to a gurney, and as they loaded him up and wheeled him out of the room, James' eyes stayed on mine. I followed along with him as far as I was allowed, but then we came to a set of doors, and it was time. I brought his fingers up to my lips and he did the same.

And then he was gone.

No, not gone. Temporarily out of sight. He would come through this better than ever.

He had to.

I was in a daze as I walked out of the emergency room. Had it only been a matter of hours since we'd woken up this morning, Jame lying peacefully next to me? I'd never taken any time with him for granted, wanting to savor every moment in case it was fleeting, but fuck… I'd never actually thought this would happen.

The elevator was empty as I got in. I'd wait with James' parents on the fourth floor. He'd be in and out of surgery-successfully-soon. And then life would get back to the bliss it had been these last few weeks.

There just couldn't be any other way.

I _refused_ to think of it turning out any other way.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, I'm kind of a horrible person. I get it.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I promised you a double update, so the next chapter will be up first thing in the morning. So you won't have to wait long to see what happens with James.**

 **Until tomorrow!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with another update!**

 **But before we get into it, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing last chapter! I know you all are anxious to find out what happens next so I won't keep you waiting any longer.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I didn't make it to the fourth floor. Instead, I found myself walking out of the elevator, down through the lobby, and out the front door of the hospital.

I didn't want to sit in uncomfortable silence with James' parents while they may or may not ask questions that I couldn't answer. I didn't want to have to put on a brave face for them so they wouldn't worry even more that I was a medic and I was panicking. And I didn't want to read the note James had given me with anyone else around.

Rain pounded the pavement, forcing me to stay under the awning of the entryway. Leaning against the wall of windows, I let my head fall back as I gulped in humid air. Part of me wanted to read the note immediately, but the other half knew whatever was inside would probably break me.

Right now, the anesthesiologist was up there giving him the drugs that would put him into a deep sleep. I didn't know how long the surgery would last or when I'd be able to see him after. I didn't know if he'd wake up and smile at me, if there would be any complications. I didn't know anything.

I'd never felt more useless in my life.

The folded note burned a hole in my palm. _Read it, you chickenshit_. Wasn't that what Kendall had always called me when he teased me about James? And now, here I was, with him, but too terrified to open a fucking note.

Kendall would probably slap me if he saw me.

Carefully, I unfolded the paper, and written in his neat scrawl on the page he'd tore off was a letter.

 _Logan,_

 _I know you're worried. And maybe I am too._

 _Strike that. I'm a lot worried. There. I admitted it. I'm fucking terrified, but I was trying not to show you._

 _It doesn't seem fair that I'm back here, but we haven't gone through these last few weeks to give up now._

 _I just found you. I'm not losing you, and I won't forget you, no matter what happens._

 _But if, somehow, the worst-case scenario does come true, I need you to promise me you won't give up on me._

 _Help me remember._

 _Help me find my way back to you._

 _Love,_

 _Your Bluebird_

Misty-eyed, I reread the letter once, twice, a dozen more times. I read it again and again until I had it memorized, and then I leaned against the windows again and closed my eyes. Even then I saw his words, and once again I felt the sinking dread of an oncoming disaster that I couldn't stop.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to clear my mind and focus on the positive. That was the only thing I could control right now.

Everything would fine.

As the rain let up and eased into a light sprinkle, I pushed off the glass. I walked down past the parking lot to the sidewalk that ran the perimeter of the huge complex and followed the path. I needed to walk off my nerves, and I needed the fresh air, neither of which would be found by sitting or pacing in the stuffy, confined waiting room, though I'd head up there soon enough. I kept an eye on the time, as well as James' phone, in case there was an update and his parents called.

But there wouldn't be. Not yet. It was too early for that.

An hour passed and darkness fell as I made another loop around the hospital, and I started to get antsy. I couldn't imagine brain surgery would last only an hour, but what did I know? I wanted to be there when he got out.

A little over two hours in and I finally made my way up to the fourth floor. As I walked out of the elevator and into the waiting room, James' father looked up from where he sat looking at something on his phone and inclined his head at me before going back to it. His wife had her eyes closed where she lay on his shoulder, but I had the feeling she wasn't asleep. I thought they knew I wanted to be left alone. Or maybe it was them who wanted to be left alone. Either way, I was grateful for the silence.

There were several other chairs filled, so I drifted to a corner by the window, where I'd still have a view of the doors whenever the surgeon came out to give us an update. Well, to give his parents an update. I'd be eavesdropping.

Time passed. I stopped checking the time on my phone. Actually, since the battery was near dead, I turned the thing off completely. I'd messaged my boss earlier to let him know what was happening, and he'd filled my spot at work for the next day.

It was some time later when the doors opened and Dr. Grey walked out. I jumped to my feet as she headed in the direction of James' parents and ran over behind them just in time to see her smile.

"He did well." Dr. Grey said. "He did really well, actually."

The relief I felt almost knocked me to my knees, as she explained in layman's terms the details of the surgery and what would happen next in terms of recovery. But all I heard was that he was okay.

No, better than okay. He'd done 'really well.'

The first smile in hours lifted my lips, and it wasn't until James' mom laid her hand on my arm that I realized that I'd zoned out.

"Go home, Logan." She said kindly. "Get some sleep. You can come back and see him first thing in the morning."

"But-"

"None of us can see him for a while, and these chairs aren't very comfortable for a nap. I promise I'll call you if anything changes."

Dr. Grey nodded. "A good night's sleep will do you good. He'll be fine tonight. Resting, as should all of you."

I hated that they were right. I couldn't do anything whether I was here or at home, so with some reluctance, I said, "Okay. I've got James' phone, but can I give you my number?"

His mom handed me her phone, and after I'd typed in my number, she took me by surprise by wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"Thank you." She said. "For being here now and looking out for my son. I don't know what we'd do without you."

I wondered if she'd feel the same way if she knew how I really felt about James, but I hugged her back and savored the comfort a mother's touch could provide. It'd been so long since I'd been hugged like that, and I hadn't realized how desperately I'd been deprived of it.

"Please, get some rest." She said, giving me one last squeeze before letting go.

How was I supposed to sleep, I didn't know, but somehow my body knew better than to put up a fight, because as soon as I got home, I collapsed in exhaustion and was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

XxX

My phone rang as the sun came up the next morning, and I answered on the first ring.

"He's awake." James' mother said. "I thought you'd like to know."

"I'm on my way." I responded. She was about to say something else, but I hung up before she could say anything else.

After the quickest shower known to man, I threw on some clothes and was out the door. But as I drove to the hospital, I realized I'd forgotten one important thing, so I turned into the nearest grocery store to remedy that fast. I couldn't show up to see my man empty-handed, after all.

The ride up the elevator seemed to take longer than the drive had, and I impatiently tapped my foot until the doors slid open. In the hall, I saw no sign of James' family, which I was kind of grateful for so James and I could have our reunion without watching eyes. I didn't know why I was so nervous, but the jittery feeling I'd had all morning wouldn't leave me as I made my way toward James' room with a vase full of blue hydrangeas and white lilies in my hands.

The door to his room was cracked open, but I gave a quick rap on it anyway before entering. The lights were off as I walked inside, but the blinds covering the windows were open, letting in the early morning sunlight. Rounding the corner, I came to a stop when I saw James' eyes closed. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him, but God, it was so good to see him, even asleep.

I looked around for a place to put the vase, and as I went over to the window, James' eyes flickered open.

"James… Oh my God. You have no idea how fucking good it is to see you awake." I said, and I knew my smile had to be splitting my face, it was so big. I set the vase down on the table and came over to his bedside. His hair was cut again, and a bandage covered the left side of his head, but he could've been stitched up from head to toe and I still would've thought he was the most gorgeous human to ever walk the planet. "Dr. Grey said you're doing so well." I said, reaching for his hand.

I should've seen the signs when he opened his eyes and saw me standing there. I should've paid attention, but I was too caught up in my joy over seeing James awake and breathing to even notice. It wasn't until I made the mistake of reaching for his hand and he pulled it back that the ball dropped, along with my stomach.

And it was what he said next that I knew would be burned in my memory for all time. Every time I'd think of it, I'd feel the pain of it agin, searing my flesh and taunting me. An open, gaping wound that would never heal.

Life as I knew it ended with three little words, nine letters, three syllables, all coming from the mouth of the man I'd fallen in love with. The one staring up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, marred only by the vacant expression behind them and the slight frown etched between his brows.

"Who are you?"

* * *

 **Done! I know, I know... I can hear you all yelling at me through the screen. So James has forgotten Logan. Horrible, I know. But I made up for it with that sweet note, right? Right? Actually, thinking back, that probably makes it worse :(**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment! Or, you know, you can yell at me some more. I probably deserve it at this point for making James and Logan suffer so much.**

 **We're around the halfway point of the story, and things are going to change a little bit starting next chapter. You'll see what I mean when it's up. That will come soon.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It feels like forever since I've updated this story, even though it's only been about a week, but it's finally time for another update!**

 **But before we get to that, I would like to give a huge thank you to Guest, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn, and Spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Three months, two weeks, and about-I fiddled with the band of my watch as I glanced at the time-two hours. I hadn't intended to keep track of how long it'd been since I'd woken up from surgery, but I couldn't seem to stop counting the days since my whole life had changed.

Or since I'd become _aware_ that my life had changed, rather.

"James? Did you hear a word I said?"

I blinked up at my mom, whose eyes narrowed as she did a quick inspection to ensure I wasn't falling apart.

At least she wouldn't be able to tell anything was wrong from the outside.

I tried for a smile to appease her. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said are you sure I can't take you tomorrow? To the Music Junction?"

Shaking my head, I sipped my coffee. "No, it's not that far from my apartment. I'll walk."

"But it's a couple of miles. And it'll be so muggy out."

"It's fine."

A sigh escaped her as she tapped her fingers against her mug, and I could tell she was trying to hold her tongue. I hoped she would. My nerves were already shot from the couple of hours I'd spent under her intense scrutiny during Sunday breakfast, and it wouldn't take much more to send me over the edge. The problem was that I knew my mom too well. She was itching to say something else, to convince me that I was being stubborn, and I should do what she thought was best.

Sure enough, a minute later, Mom gave in. "I just don't see why you won't let your father or me drop you by on our way to work. It'd be no trouble at all."

"Because it's unnecessary, and I have two legs that seem to be in working order."

Her frown deepened. "James...I know you're not ready to drive again, so I wish you'd let us help you. Honestly, I'd feel better if you'd let me-"

"Mom!" I said, slapping the table with my hand, and my voice coming out much sharper than I'd intended, causing her to startle. Rubbing my forehead, I reined in my irritation, and when I spoke again, I made sure my tone was softer. "I've got it."

"Of course. Of course you do." She bit down on her lip, and her hands shook as she lifted the chipped ceramic mug my brother and I had given her well over a decade ago that said 'World's Best Mom.' And she was. Really, she was. She'd been a saint through the endless weeks of recovery, as well as getting me set back up in my apartment, finding me a temporary summer job…

Sighing, I reached across the table for her, and when she lowered her mug, she placed her hand in mine. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to snap at you. I'm just ready for things to get back to normal."

"I know you are." She gave me a squeeze and wiped the corner of her eye. "I just worry about my baby boy is all, and that won't ever change. When you're a parent, you'll understand."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine."

A smile tipped her lips, seemingly appeased for the moment, until she looked down at the platter of food between us. "Oh dear. Either I made too many pancakes or you didn't eat enough."

"Trust me, I had plenty. I'm sure dad or Shane will finish them off when they get home."

"You're right." She said, standing up and clearing our empty plates off the table. "Will you be joining us for church service this morning?"

I wiped my mouth as I got to my feet to help her. "No." The answer was always no. "Thank you for breakfast, though."

Mom's hopeful smile fell, and she set down the empty dishes before coming around the table to me.

"I love you." She said, reaching out to hold on to my arms. "And I'm sorry if I seem overbearing sometimes. You promise you'll tell me if you start feeling off or have pain anywhere?"

I gave her a small smile. "Of course." I lied. I had to. I'd caused her more than enough worry to last a lifetime, and I could see the evidence in the dark circles under her eyes that she tried to cover with makeup, and the deep lines between her brows that seemed permanent when I was around.

She lifted her hand to the side of my face and stroked her thumb over my cheek. "You're my heart, James. I don't know what I would've done if we'd lost you."

The pain in her voice made me feel more than a twinge of guilt for losing my temper. I'd done that a lot lately. The psychologist I met with every week said it was completely normal to have feelings of distress after such a traumatic accident, but it didn't excuse biting off the heads of the people who cared about me. It wasn't like any of this was mom's fault.

 _None of it's your fault either_ , that quiet voice in the back of my mind tried to convince me, but I locked that thought away as Mom leaned up to kiss my cheek.

"I'll take you back home on the way to service."

"Thank you." I said, not putting up a fight, since it would be a much longer walk to my place from theirs, not to mention it was raining out.

As we finished clearing the table, the front door opened and Shane came bursting through, while my father shook off the umbrella on the porch. When Shane saw me, though, he skidded to a stop.

"Oh. Hey, James." His obvious discomfort at finding me there was a stab to the gut, and even though I hated it, I understood why he was tentative around me. Out of everyone, Shane seemed to have been hit the hardest by what had happened. They said when I woke up from the accident, I'd had no idea who he was. That somehow my memory of him had reverted to when he was a kid and I hadn't recognized the teenager he was now.

But of course I didn't remember that, just like I didn't remember the accident or anything in the months afterward. How was I supposed to apologize for something I wasn't there for? But Shane and I had been close, despite the decade between us, and I hated that I'd hurt him in any way, hated that he was hesitant around me now, like he was waiting for me to forget him again.

"Hey, Shay." I said, using his nickname to greet him warmly as if there was no tension in the air. "Where ya been?"

"Um, hanging out with Tyler."

"Yeah? Toilet paper any houses?"

"James, don't give your brother any ideas." Mom called out from the kitchen.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine." Then I lowered my voice. "Let's change the subject then. Got your eye on any high school girls?"

"Don't answer that." Dad warned as he strolled back into the room, a smile on his face as he took a bite of his rolled up pancake.

That almost got a smile from Shane. "No. As for Tyler, we just went and hung out at the fair."

"Oh yeah?" I grinned. "Did you ride the Zipper until you puked like the last time we went?"

Shane's mouth dropped open as typical teenage attitude took over, making him forget his introversion around me lately. "There was no puking. I'm seventeen now. I think I know better than to shovel down cotton candy before the ride." His lips twisted. "But we did ride it, like, eight times in a row."

"Ugh, I feel nauseated already." I said, rubbing my stomach, and finally his smile creeped up.

"Shane." Dad nodded in the direction of his bedroom. "We're leaving in ten."

"Yeah, okay. I'm going." He said, trudging off to get changed for church, but then he stopped and barreled back in my direction, surprising the hell out of me by wrapping his arms tightly around me.

I closed my eyes and squeezed him back just as tight. _I love you, Shay_.

"Not joining us?" Dad asked as Shane disappeared into his room.

I shook my head. "I've got some things I need to get done around the house."

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't attempt to call me out on my bullshit. Because let's face it, we both knew I didn't have anything worth doing at my place. It was merely a respite from the curious glances and questions, as well as from the guilt. I only came to Sunday morning breakfast to satisfy mom, who would've honked outside my place until I came down if I'd tried to refuse.

Twenty minutes later, I was back in the apartment my parents had fully furnished before I'd even set a foot inside last summer. I didn't feel much different now, an entire year later, than I had back then.

I hadn't wanted to come back home. Hadn't wanted to put my teaching degree to use. I'd only gotten the damn thing as a backup in the first place, never intending to actually use it. But there I'd been, late last June. Broke as hell from trying to make ends meet by traveling from city to city playing to a restaurant crowd that barely knew anything about what I was playing.

Growing up, I always thought traveling and playing the piano for a living would make me happy. It'd been my dream for so long, but the reality had been a surprising wake-up call. I'd hated the cheap hotels, the only ones I could afford. The endless inebriated shouts for me to play 'Piano Man.' I hated that even with Lucy, my then-girlfriend, by my side, I'd never felt lonelier in my life. The only thing I'd truly loved in all of it was music. In the handful of hours I played every night, I could escape the sad reality I didn't want to believe was mine.

God knows I tried to make it work though, because to come home was to admit failure, and I wasn't a failure. But one look at me during a trip up to Nashville to watch my show, and my parents saw right through my act. The promise of helping me get on my feet with a steady job, my own place, a car...it was all too alluring to say no to.

Which led me to where I was now. Even worse off than I was before because, hey, let's throw in a girlfriend who doesn't want to stick around, a car accident, maybe a few broken bones, a brain injury...and then, when he's supposedly all healed, let's fuck him up real good and make him undergo surgery again. Oh, and if we can toy with his memory so that he doesn't know what's real and what's not, let's do that too.

I scrubbed a hand over my face as I kicked off my shoes and tossed my keys onto the counter. The bottle of Crown in the bottom cabinet called out to me, but the last thing I needed was to lean on whisky as a crutch. Instead, I walked over to the living room window and shut the curtains to block out the sun that was trying to peek through the rain clouds.

The exhaustion that overcame me as I sank down into the couch had me closing my eyes, even though it was still midmorning. But, just like every time the darkness settled in, my mind screamed to life. Even when my physical body was dead tired, my subconscious raced, on a desperate search for answers. I knew all the pieces of the puzzle, the ones the doctors and my family had filled in, but none of it felt real. The last thing I remembered before waking up in a hospital room had apparently been months prior, the day of my accident.

I'd overslept that morning and hadn't even had time to shave, because it was either that or skip coffee, and working with kids required the caffeine boost. But...that was the last thing I could recall, leaving my apartment that day. Not getting into the car my parents had bought for me, not grabbing my usual at Gustavo's, nothing. The only thing that even remotely made sense to me was that maybe the crash was too painful to remember, so my mind had blocked it out. But what I couldn't understand was why the weeks afterward were also missing.

And sure, the time spent recovering from my injuries wasn't something I wanted to relive exactly, but...something didn't feel right. The vague answers from my parents didn't add up, and they never kept eye contact with me when I asked about the weeks after the accident. It was like something was missing, something vital that no one was telling me, and my mind couldn't seem to rest until it knew what it was. The missing piece of the puzzle.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and put on a piece by Bach to help quiet my thoughts, and then fluffed a pillow and put it behind my head. My last day of freedom and I was spending it passed out on my couch.

 _Pathetic._

Tomorrow I'd be rejoining the workforce, although it was a baby step, since school was out for the summer. Tutoring kids in piano would be easy enough, and it would get me out of the house. Off of this damn couch. And maybe, just maybe, give me some sense of normalcy.

Whatever that was.

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it. Some of James' difficult background is finally revealed. We also find out that we have about a three month time jump. Which also means three months since he's seen Logan. And to top it all off, James is struggling but also knows that something is missing.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be from Logan's POV, so we'll see what he's been up to.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I figured I wouldn't make you wait too long to see what's been going on with Logan and decided to update! :)**

 **But before we get to that, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing last chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Three months and way too many fucking hours. That was how long it'd been since I'd forced myself to walk out of James' life.

Not because I wanted to, but because after the surgery to repair bleeding in his brain, he'd woken with no recollection of who I was.

None.

Zip.

Zero.

And I would never, ever forget his vacant expression as he looked at me.

" _Who are you?"_

 _My smile fell as I dropped my hand from reaching out for him and somehow managed to whisper, "What?"_

 _James shifted himself up on the hospital bed. "Do I know you?"_

 _His words made the blood in my veins go cold. That voice, so curious and innocent, held none of the familiar warmth I'd come to know in the last few weeks._

No. No, this isn't happenening. _He was playing a trick on me, and any second now, he'd crack a smile and say, "Gotcha."_

Any time now, James. Any time…

 _But he kept watching me, and I kept standing there staring at the man I'd fallen for, the one looking at me with no recognition whatsoever on his face. Soon, James' gaze shifted from me to the door, like he was uncomfortable with a stranger in his room._

 _A stranger...oh God._

 _Panic seized my chest, and I tried to rationalize._ It's temporary, _I told myself._ He just woke up. Of course things are fuzzy. _But in the pit of my stomach, I knew. I knew._

 _I was going to be fucking sick._

 _I ran a hand through my hair and swallowed back the bile that tried to rise in my throat as I struggled to come up with some explanation as to why I was here. "I, uh"-my words came out hoarse, and I cleared my throat-"work here. And was just coming by to check on...things."_

" _Oh." James looked over at the vase of white lilies and blue hydrangeas that I'd set on the table by the window. "You brought me flowers?" He asked._

 _Fuuuck. The flowers. How was I supposed to explain that if he had no idea who the hell I was?_

 _I rubbed my chest, fairly certain what I was feeling had to be indicative of a heart attack. With any luck, I'd pass out in a few seconds._

 _A few seconds passed. No such luck._

" _Someone was delivering those and asked if I'd drop them by."_ Stupid. _I mentally kicked myself as soon as I said it, but no explanation other than the truth came into my brain._

" _They're nice. Thanks for bringing them."_

 _I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You're welcome."_

 _An awkward silence descended as I did a quick sweep of him, unable to help myself from checking to make sure he was otherwise okay. When my eyes landed back on his mesmerizing hazel ones, I gave him a forced smile. I needed to leave. That much was painfully obvious._

" _Is there...anything I can get you? Before I go?" I asked._

" _No. Wait, actually…"_

 _This was it. The 'gotcha' moment._

 _James squinted to shield his eyes. "If you could close the blinds, that would be great. It's a little bright."_

" _The blinds. Right." It took me a few beats to realize that meant move. With a numb body, I somehow shut all the blinds and made sure to grab the note from the flowers before he had a chance to read it and say, "Logan who?"_

 _I looked back at him before I got to the door. He'd pulled the covers up and his eyes were closed, already drifting off into a peaceful sleep._

He doesn't remember...He doesn't remember _me_ …

 _As terrified as I'd been before his surgery, I'd never entertained the possibility that my time with James was really over. It didn't seem real._

 _Any second now, I'd wake up and realize it was all a nightmare._

 _Any second now…_

I never woke up.

With every day that passed, every phone call I made to his mom to check on him only to hear that, no, he still hadn't regained memory of anything since his accident, the hope I'd carried dwindled. Every day I called, every day James grew physically stronger, but the answer was always the same.

"No. I'm so sorry, Logan. The doctor said it's possible he may never remember." His mom had finally said. Fuck, I'd never forget that day. It had been a full month since James' surgery, and it was that day, and her words, that made it apparent that James wasn't ever going to remember me. Maybe I needed to _somehow_ let go.

"For now, maybe it's best if he concentrates on his recovery, on things that are familiar." She'd said. And I'd read between the lines. _Without you._ Not that she'd been malicious about it, because God knew I understood, but the pain was almost physically unbearable.

My number was erased from his phone. And I'd drifted back into the life of complacency I'd had before James. Actually, scratch that. I was no longer complacent, not after knowing what life could be like with him. No, there was another term for what I was.

Fucking. Miserable.

Kendall sang along with the Black Eyed Peas, rapping something about humps and lovely lady lumps, on the rig's radio as he drove us back from a hospital drop-off, oblivious to my thoughts...or perhaps overcompensating for them.

"If you've got lady lumps, there's a conversation here that's long overdue." I said.

"Jo was singing this song in the shower this morning, and now it's on the damn radio. I swear it's following me around. I can't get it out of my head." He flipped the channel and something with a more country vibe played. "Ah. That's better."

"Better is debatable."

Kendall glanced over at me. "You know what you need? Something that'll perk you right up."

"If this is about you trying to convince me to go to the National Porn Star Conference again, I'm out."

"I wish you'd just think about it. Even Jo wants to go." I shot him a glare, and he rolled his eyes. "Fine. No porn stars. But seriously, we gotta bring you back to life, dude. You used to be all cheerful and shit."

"I'm still cheerful." I muttered.

"Oh yeah? Smile for me, then."

I plastered on the biggest, fakest smile I could manage, and Kendall reared back in his seat, cringing.

"On second thought, forget it. That'll give me nightmares." He said before turning into Gustavo's Grab 'N Go.

Sitting up straighter, I braced my hand on the door. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Listen, Loges. I've skipped out on coming here for months now, but I'm hungry, and you could use a decent cup of coffee to help snap you out of that funk."

"For fuck's sake, I don't want to be here. And I'm not in a funk."

"Hmm. Yeah, you need something a little stronger than coffee." As he put the rig into park, he began to grind his hips on the seat and sang, "Logaaaannn needs a big...dick...right in his-"

"Okay!" I yelled loud enough to cover the rest of his words. "Hurry up, then."

"Oh no, I'm not going without you."

"Kendall-"

"Stop." He said, his humor fading. "Just stop being so scared and paranoid for one damn minute. You can't avoid this place because you think you'll run into James. And even if you do run into him one of these days, you're gonna have to face him sooner or later, because this town's too damn small for it not to happen eventually. And I know it's gonna hurt like hell, but you're not a wuss. Are you? You a wuss?"

I snorted. "No."

"Good. Now get out of the rig."

When I didn't make a move, Kendall leaned across me and popped the door open. With a sigh, I unhooked my seatbelt and climbed out, slamming the door behind me for good measure. When he rounded the front of the rig, he put his arm over my shoulder and gave me a shake. "Atta boy. Make sure to apologize to Gustavo for hurting his feelings by not visiting."

Kendall pulled open the door, and as we entered the convenience store, he called out, "Gustavo. How the hell are ya?"

"Well, I'll be." Gustavo's face lit up, and he slapped his hand on the counter when he saw us. "Where you boys been?"

"Starving." Kendall winked at him as he filled up a basket full of baked goods from the counter and then leaned over to put his hand on Gustavo's shoulder. "Good to see you, Gus."

Gustavo frowned and wagged his finger at us. "You're never too busy for coffee and cakes, you hear me? You gotta eat, or all these fritters will go to waste and I'll have to throw them out."

"Don't ever do that. We won't be staying away again." Kendall nudged me. "Right, Logan?"

"Uh, yeah. Right." I said.

"You better not." Gustavo said as Kendall gave him a salute and went off to grab a drink. "All of a sudden, three of my regulars, poof, gone. I tried not to take it personal, you know."

My brow furrowed. _Me, Kendall, and…?_ "Three?"

"Mhmm. You two and there was another guy, but I heard he had an accident a few months back."

"You mean James?" Just being reminded of him made my chest ache.

"Yeah, you remember him? Such a nice fellow. Shame what happened to him."

"You, uh, mean he hasn't come in lately either?"

"No, but I can understand why. Heard he lost his memory and everything. Can you imagine? He probably doesn't even remember he drinks coffee, and I had a new latte machine all set up and everything."

As Gustavo continued to ramble on, all I could hear was that James hadn't been here. I'd assumed life would be back to normal for him, including his latte habit. All those months avoiding this place only to learn he had been doing the same. Although maybe he wasn't purposely staying away like I was. Maybe he still didn't realize he liked coffee. Or maybe he wasn't recovering as well as I'd hoped.

Shit.

"Hey, Gustavo, do you have any more of those onion ring chip things? You know what I'm talking about?" Kendall asked, his voice carrying across the store.

"I do in the back. One second." Gustavo said, before adressing me again. "Sorry Logan, I'll be back. Don't you be a stranger now."

"I won't." I said, and this time I meant it. What a silly fucking thing to do, stay away from Gustavo's or anywhere because there was a remote possibility I could run into James. Hell, I _wanted_ to see him, but what I didn't want was to see the way he'd look at me, like I was a nobody in his world.

A fresh pot of coffee sat on the stand like it was ready for me, and I poured a big cup as I thought about the last time I'd been here. It'd been around the same time I'd stopped calling to check on James, something that made me feel guilty, though it had kind of been at the request of his family. I could feel the note he'd given me before he went back to surgery burning a hole in my pocket, its words taunting me even more now. Never did I leave the house without the folded piece of paper, and I felt conflicted even carrying it around when I hadn't even kept my promise.

"Excuse me." As an arm reached across me to place a travel mug under the latte spout, my entire body went still. I didn't even breathe.

I didn't have to look over to know it was him. I'd recognize his voice anywhere, know the scent of his shampoo mixed in with the light spray of cologne even from across a crowded room. But James wasn't across a room. He was standing right beside me, and I'd been too caught up in my thoughts to notice his approach.

Just being near him again sent a flutter of excited butterflies through my stomach, and I couldn't stop myself from looking over at him. He almost took my breath away, he was so fucking handsome. His hair was still cut short, but it had grown out some, and he was as put together as ever in a pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt. God, it'd been so long since I'd seen him, touched him, and my hands itched to reach for him, to pull him into my arms and hold him there. Being so close made me ache for him so badly it hurt.

As if he felt my gaze on him, James looked up, and I quickly turned away.

"Hey," He said. "I know you."

 _Wait, what?_ "You do?"

"Yeah…" As his eyes narrowed slightly, I held my breath. "You brought flowers to my hospital room, right?"

Heat flooded my face as I lowered my head and focused on stirring my coffee. "Uh, yeah, I think I might've dropped them by for... someone."

 _Wow. All the time we've spent together and I'm the flower delivery boy. Fuck me._

"Hey, Logan." Kendall shouted, and I glanced up to see him round the corner with a bag of chips in his hand. "Look, I found-Oh...Oh shit." He stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide as dinner plates, as he looked between James and me, and then he cleared his throat and thumbed toward the door. "I'll be in the rig...whenever…" He shot me an apologetic look and then hightailed it away.

 _Thanks a lot, asshole._

James cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips as he looked at me curiously. "Your name's Logan?" His gaze dropped to my name tag that I settled on wearing since I had forgotten my other one. "Hortense?"

"Yes. Both, but everyone calls me Logan."

"Huh."

"What?"

He chewed on his lip for a moment, and then slowly shook his head. "Nothing."

As he reached across me again for his mug, I wondered what that look had meant. But I didn't have time to think about it for long, because Gustavo caught wind of his long-lost customer and came barreling down the aisle.

"James." Gustavo said, holding James' shoulders as he smiled at him. "What a treat, all three of my boys in the same day. Logan and I were just talking about you. It's good to see you."

"Thank you. It feels good to be upright." James said, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"We've been praying for you everyday. You know who I am, right?"

"Yes, I know who you are, Gus."

Gustavo beamed. "I tell ya, nothing makes me happier than you remembering little ole me."

 _Ouch._ He didn't mean any harm by his words, I knew that. But the fact that James knew who Gustavo was but had no idea who I was other than some random flower delivery guy? Jesus, that hurt more than I cared to admit. I needed to get out of there before any more of my heart or ego got crushed.

"You saw the new latte machine, right?" Gustavo asked him as I capped my coffee.

"I did. It's awfully fancy."

"Nothing but top of the line for the Grab 'N Go, I tell ya." Gustavo wrapped an arm around James' shoulders and pointed at the machine. "Did you see all the features on this one? It's even got a frother-"

Gustavo's spiel gave me the out I needed to sneak down the aisle before James was able to ask any other questions about why I'd really been in his hospital room, or why my job description as a paramedic, as evidenced by my tag, wasn't exactly a position that worked inside the hospital, like I'd said. After paying for my drink, I snuck one last look at James.

He was here. He was okay. And even if he didn't remember me, he was alive. That was enough, right?

As soon as I opened the passenger door to the rig, Kendall let out a stream of apologies.

"I'm so sorry, Logan. I swear to God, I never would've brought you by if I'd thought for a second James showing up was any kind of possibility."

"It's fine." It wouldn't change anything even having seen him. But at least I'd _gotten_ to see him, which was something, I supposed.

"But he looks good, right? Did you talk? It looked like I interrupted you talking."

I sighed and leaned back on the headrest, no longer in the mood for coffee. "Just drive."

* * *

 **Done! Yeah, I know. I'm a horrible person. I get it. So, obviously Logan is still upset. But he finally ran into James! That's something. Right? We also got the return of Kendall, along with him and James in the same room! Although I'm sure it's now how you all expected it to go.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter is coming next weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello everyone! It's time for a new chapter!**

 **Before we get to that though, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I'd also like to give a special thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It'd been a long time coming, but it was finally time to fix the damn stoop.

I'd been trying to keep my mind off my run-in with James earlier in the week, and that meant finally doing a bit of work around the house and landscaping in the evenings. I had a full day planned, having already painted the shutters a refreshed hunter green, and after I got the porch step back in non-crumbling order, the door was next.

The sun blazed overhead, the weekend already off to a sweltering start at ten in the morning, and I had to wipe the sweat off my brow with my forearm as I worked. With a trowel, I carefully filled in the cracks of the brick step with mortar, and tried not to think about the polite way James had asked my name and made small talk, like I was a stranger. It was the way he used to look at me, but back then it hadn't caused a roll of nausea the way it did now.

 _Stop thinking about him for one fucking second_ , I thought, as I smoothed out the filled cracks. I should've brought out a radio.

"Hello, Logan."

I jerked around at the woman's voice behind me, and when I saw who it was, I couldn't mask my surprise. "Mrs. Diamond?" I looked over her shoulder, half expecting to see James getting out of the SUV that I hadn't heard pull up in my driveway. _That's what you get for being so lost in your thoughts about her son._

"It's just me." She said, and it sounded like an apology. "I was hoping I could speak with you."

"Oh. Yeah, sure. Let me just clean this up." I swept off the excess mortar from around the brick and then packed up everything and moved it to the side, out of view.

"I don't mean to interrupt-" She started.

"No, you're fine. I was finishing up anyway." I said, wiping my hands on my jeans. Mrs. Diamond looked picture perfect in a cream colored skirt and pink blouse, and of course the day I had company I'd be dressed in the paint-splattered jeans I wore when I did stuff around the house. At least I had a clean shirt on.

I headed up the stairs, sidestepping the one I'd been working on, and she did the same. Stepping inside the cool, air-conditioned house, I gestured for her to come inside.

She held her purse in front of her and smiled politely as she entered. "I should've called before intruding on you like this."

"It's no problem." I said, shutting the door behind her and leading her down the hall. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you. I won't take up too much of your time. I just wanted to-" She came to stop as the hallway opened up into the living and kitchen area, and her eyes landed on the piano in the corner of the room. "Oh." She said with a smile. "No wonder you and James got along. I didn't realize you played."

I rocked back on my heels. "I don't."

She whirled around to face me, a question forming on her lips, but when I straightened my shoulders and met her gaze head-on, I could see the instant the light bulb went off in her head. Her hand came up to finger the gold cross necklace she wore as she looked away. "May I sit down?"

"Of course." I gestured for her to sit anywhere. "Are you sure you don't want anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

As she perched on the edge of the couch, I went into the kitchen to towel off and wash my hands. Then I poured a big glass of water and sat down in the recliner, giving her some space.

What had she come here for? I didn't even know she knew where I lived.

"I found your address in the phone book." She said, answering my silent question as she placed her purse beside her and smoothed her skirt down. "I had no idea we were neighbors. Have you been here long?"

"Kind of. I've been here a few years."

She nodded and looked around. "It's lovely."

"Thanks. I'm working on a few repairs, but"-I spread my hands-"it's home."

She smoothed her shirt again, and it occured to me then that she was nervous, and that, in turn, made me nervous. Was she here because something was wrong with James? I couldn't imagine why else she'd track me down, and as I sat there waiting, my knee began to bob up and down. But still, she remained silent.

"I'm guessing you didn't come over to talk about my house." I said, hoping to prompt a response.

"No, I didn't." She went to smooth her skirt again, caught herself, and then clasped her hands together instead. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure where to start."

"Has James suffered another setback?"

Her eyes shot up to mine. "No. Well...physically he's fine."

"Physically?"

"Yes." She said. Fingering her necklace, she closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, they glistened with unshed tears. "Logan, I came here today because I'm worried about my son."

That sent my adrenaline pumping. "Why? What's happened?"

"I don't know. He tells me he's fine, but I don't...I don't think he is. He's just so different. So angry."

"Angry? James?" I hadn't caught a glimpse of that when I'd seen him on Monday.

"Yes. And the doctors say it's normal. The moodiness, the change in behavior, but it's been months now. He snaps at me, his father, at the doctors. I'm at a loss for what to do. How to help him."

I finished off my water and set the glass on the coffee table. "Pardon me saying this, but your son has been through hell the last few months. I'd be pretty upset too, especially if my memory had been toyed with as much as his has. I'd venture to say he probably doesn't know what's real, what's not, or if his brain really is okay."

"I know that. It's just...he remembers everything from before the accident, so for all intents and purposes, everything should be back to normal for him. Easier to understand. He _should_ be fine."

"But he's not."

"No, he's not. I thought maybe it would help to have friends around, but a few have been over, people that he used to be close with when he lived here before, but he won't have anything to do with them. I thought maybe Lucy, but…" She shook her head. "It's like he's lost interest in things and the people he used to love. And I don't…" She choked on a sob and reached inside her purse for a packet of tissues.

"I'm sorry." She said, pulling out one to dab her eyes. "I just don't know how to help him."

My heart squeezed at her pain, as well as what James and the rest of his family had been feeling. _God._ The thought of James suffering in any way was gut-wrenching. I sat forward with my elbows on my knees, wanting to say something, wishing I had words that could help make her feel better. Help James to heal. But I was on the outside looking in, and I feared nothing I said or did could make a difference.

I was no one in his world. And that truth was devastating.

"He's moved back into his apartment. I think he sits in there and...well, I don't know what he does, to be honest. I'm afraid it's nothing good." She wiped the corner of her eye again. "When he's been over, his brother just walks out of the room, which I know doesn't help things. My boy is so lost."

Huh. It was strange. I thought he'd be back to the James I'd known. Easygoing, even with the trauma he'd been through. Inquisitive. Forward. Not at all the withdrawn version his mom described.

"If he's trying to find ways to cope, whether it's anger or isolation...he's scared." I said. "It's probably not the best time for him to be on his own, but he's pushing others away…" I was at a loss, and more than anything, I wanted to drive over to his apartment and somehow fix him.

"He's been through so much, and I know he just wants to put all of this behind him. We all do. But I'm afraid I'm down to desperate measures-"

"And I'm your last resort?" I finished.

Her eyes, so much like James', widened. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"I know you didn't." I assured her. "But tell me what I can do to help James." _I'll do anything._

"I think...I think he could use a friend."

"A friend." I repeated. I stared at her for a long moment, wondering if that was all she thought we'd been. Hell, if he needed a friend, he could've chosen any of the ones she'd brought over, but he hadn't, had he?

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. What I meant to say was...I think he needs _you_."

"Me?" I blinked, sure I'd heard her wrong.

"Yes. _You_."

As her words washed over me, I couldn't help but think that this was some kind of alternate universe. After telling me she thought he should recover without me, now James' mom was over here asking me for help? Saying she thought James needed _me_? Even so, the quickest fash of hope went through me at the possibility of spending time with him again. But then I remembered our recent run-in, and I shut that down before it spiraled out of control.

"Look, I don't see how I could help. He doesn't have a clue who I am." I said.

"No, but maybe you could get to know him again."

 _Isn't that what he asked me to do? Help him remember?_

"Are you sure that's what you and your husband want?"

"We want what's best for our son."

"And you somehow think that's me?" I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. "I thought he'd be better off without me." I said quietly.

"He's not. I don't believe for a moment that that's true. At first we thought it would be better that he only be around things familiar for now so that he could heal without any confusion. But he's not. Not healing, that is." She said, her voice wavering, close to tears. "I've never seen James happier than he was in the weeks following his accident. And I would've thought he'd be scared or angry then. Certainly he would've had every right to be. The only thing I can think of for the change in him is you."

My eyes blurred as she scooted to the edge of the couch then and put her hand over mine.

"Please, Logan. If James means anything to you at all, help bring him back. Help me get my son back."

I blinked, and I felt my eyes start to well up a bit as I wondered if I could really be the one to help him at all. Not only that, but would I allow myself a repeat of the inevitable heartbreak that would come from getting close to James again? That question was one I could answer without hesitation, yes. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for his happiness, even if that price came at the sacrifice of my own. But I told myself it was no sacrifice at all to know the man I cared about more than anything in this world would be okay.

Once again, I thought of the note James had written before his surgery, and the way he'd told me not to give up on him. Christ, I hadn't even tried, had I? I'd let his family do what they thought best and sacrificed my feelings, but what if that had been the wrong decision?

There was no question in my mind what I wanted to do, but putting myself in James' path outside of Gustavo's would be tricky. I couldn't do anything that would scare him off, not if I wanted to build his trust again.

"I'll do it." I said, wiping at my eyes with my sleeve. "But I'll need some help to figure out how best to break the ice with him."

"Actually,"-Mrs. Diamond's gaze drifted to the piano-"I think I have an idea…"

* * *

 **Done! So it looks like James' mom is recruiting Logan to help James, who seems to be having a little trouble handling everything.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter of this story will be up tomorrow, so until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with another update!**

 **Before we get to that though, I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I'd also like to give a special thank you to winterschild11, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

He was here.

The guy I'd run into at Gustavo's, the one who'd been in my hospital room.

He was here. At the Music Junction, where I was spending my Sunday afternoon picking up a class for beginner pianists, since the usual instructor had gone on maternity leave.

 _Logan._ I couldn't shake why his name stuck out to me when we haven't officially met in all the times we'd seen each other getting our coffees. Maybe just that it was kind of a unique name, but it was one I kept thinking about since I'd run into him at Gustavo's.

As he lingered in the doorway, I couldn't help but stare. He leaned back outside the door like he was checking the room number, confusion written all over his face. It was a look I'd seen plenty of times from the parents of new students, so being the one in charge, I walked over to help him out.

"It's Logan, right?"

Like I'd shocked him with a taser, he jerked his head towards me. "Yeah?"

I held out my hand. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm James Diamond. I'm taking over for Mrs. Turner while she's out."

"James...right." He said, shaking my hand. "It's nice to meet you. Officially."

His grip was firm, his skin searing hot to match the scorching July weather.

"Are you dropping off?" I asked as he pulled his hand back.

"Pardon me?"

"Your child? For the class?"

"Oh. No, I don't have kids." Then he looked around the room at the under-eighteen crowd that dominated the class and his eyebrows shot up. "Uh, is this a kids class?"

Wait, was he here to _attend_? _Really…_ "Not technically, no."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, it's open to all ages, but it's primarily filled with kids or teens who've been sent by their parents. We don't get too many adults." _If ever_.

"Oh." He ran a hand through his damp hair and looked ready to bolt.

"Are _you_ here for the class?"

"I was. I mean, I am."

"Is this like a bucket list thing for you?"

"Uh...yeah. Something like that."

"Well then come on in, and I'll get you set up." I walked over to the piano at the front of the room and grabbed one of the sheets from the top. When I handed it to him, he looked down at the paper in confusion. "That's the lesson for today."

"This is beginner's stuff?"

"It is." My lips twisted as I fought back a grin, because bless his heart, he was so out of place. But I'd welcome anyone who wanted to learn an instrument, even if they were mid-twenties-ish.

"So, should I, uh..take a seat?" He asked.

"Yep, anywhere you like. We'll get started in a few minutes."

"Okay, thanks."

He chose one of the pianos near the front, since a handful of teens had taken up residence at the ones in the back, and as he set the sheet music in front of him and wiped his hands on his jeans, I almost laughed. I had a feeling the kids were going to kick his ass at playing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'

Once everyone was inside, I went to the front of the room and whistled to get everyone's attention.

"All right, welcome everyone, to Piano for Beginners. My name is Mr. Diamond, and I'll be filling in until Mrs. Turner gets back."

A couple of girls in the back giggled, and I ignored them. It was my name or age that seemed to get to them every time.

"Today we're going to be focusing on the song listed on the sheet I gave you as you came in, but first, I'd like to go over proper hand posture."

As I launched into the lesson, I went around the room to make sure everyone was positioned correctly and had their starting points. When I got to Logan, I gently took his wrist and moved his hand over three keys.

"That's middle C." I said. "It's your center. If you ever get lost, just come back here."

He looked up at me with chocolate brown eyes that were so warm and inviting. Damn. Were they always like that?

Logan nodded. "My center. Got it."

Something in his gaze sent my stomach dropping, and I let go of his wrist like he was on fire.

That unsettled feeling remained as I continued on to the next student. What the hell was that? The guy had seemed friendly enough, and I didn't get any red flags popping up. I tried to put my reaction behind me as I continued on with the lesson. 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' was the song they'd be learning to play today, and it was one of the easier ones to begin with. Or so I'd thought.

I didn't go near him again, keeping my distance, because my instincts told me there was something more to that guy than what he let on. Nothing dangerous...I didn't think. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Every so often I'd swear I felt the heat of his gaze, only to turn around and see him studiously watching his fingers as he hit the wrong key. And each time I looked over to see Logan helplessly trying and failing to follow along, I had to fight back a grin.

The poor guy, he didn't have a musical bone in his body, and I doubted he'd ever sat behind a piano before in his life. But he was trying, and for me and this class, that was all that mattered. It was pretty entertaining to watch, though.

The hour passed quickly, mostly everyone nailing the piece, and I went around the room, gathering up their music sheets.

"All right, that's all for today. Make sure to practice over the week, because we'll pick back up with it next week before moving on."

The kids couldn't get out of there fast enough, ready to get on with their summer outside of the classroom, and I couldn't blame them. I'd only given up my weekend as a favor to Mrs. Turner, whose mom had been my own instructor when I was younger.

As I ventured over to where Logan say, I said, "Nice effort today."

"'Nice effort'? Is that something you say to students who fail miserably?"

"It's not failing if you try."

He shook his head, chuckling as he handed me his music sheet. "I definitely tried."

"Then you didn't do as badly as you think."

"Yeah? You know, you're a really good teacher. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but you made it easier to follow. Well, somewhat."

I had to laugh at that. 'Somewhat' was right. "Does that mean you'll be back next week for round two?"

A grin slowly crossed his lips. "Yeah, I think so. Unless you're making us play Beethoven in front of the class or something."

"That's the third lesson."

"Well, shit, I'd better get to practicing."

"You'll be playing at Carnegie Hall and putting us all to shame before you know it."

Logan laughed. "I'm not delusional. I'm every bit as aware as you are that I have no talent for music whatsoever, but you made it fun."

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

As silence descended between us, I became acutely aware that we were the only ones left in the room, and for some reason, that sent a flurry of nerves through me. _What is going on?_ The guy wasn't even remotely threatening, especially from where I towered over him while he sat on the bench.

He had honest eyes and a friendly smile, for fuck's sake. I wanted to kick myself. Now, not only did I suffer from memory loss, but I was also projecting on random people. _I really am losing it._

"Well," I said, straightening the papers on top of the piano. "I better shut things down here."

"Yeah, I should get going too." As Logan rose to his feet, I noticed the color of his eyes again, and the way they matched his shirt.

Backing away, I tapped the stack on my hand and gave him a tight smile before going over to the filing cabinet to put the music sheets away.

"Um." Logan cleared his throat, and I looked over to where he stood by the piano at the front of the room. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I noticed you weren't driving the other day. Did you need a ride or anything?"

Not only was the guy perceptive, but he wanted to drive me home? Maybe I wasn't wrong to be wary. _Nah, he's just being nice._

"Oh. No, that's okay." I said. "I've been walking. You know, getting some exercise when I can."

"In this heat? That's crazy."

"Every bead of sweat is another calorie lost." I joked.

"What if you pass out that way? Heat stroke it a real thing. Take it from me."

"I've spent a half-hour in a sauna before. I think I'll be okay."

"Are you saying no because of stranger danger? I promise I'm not a serial killer or anything."

"Gee, thanks for the assurance." I said, shaking my head, but I couldn't fight the smile tugging at my lips. "I feel so much better."

Logan's smile dimmed and he tapped his fingers over the top of the piano. "No, but seriously. It's no problem at all to drop you home, and I'd worry less if I blasted you with my air conditioning."

"As nice as that sounds, I'll have to pass. I really appreciate the offer, but I like to walk." _You're gonna regret that in about thirty minutes._

Logan looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just gave me a nod and smiled. "Be safe. I'll see you again soon, James."

"Sure thing."

As he walked out, part of me wished I would've taken him up on his offer, if only because my feet were starting to ache in these shoes, and he was right. It would be a furnace outside. But no matter. It wasn't like I was in a hurry to get home anyway.

I grabbed my satchel and made sure the room was in order before flipping off the lights and locking the classroom door. Taking my earbuds out of my pocket, I waved to the weekend receptionist and then pushed open the glass door that led outside.

As soon as I did, I was tempted to haul ass back inside. It wasn't a quick summer shower, it was a torrential downpour that had me seeking shelter under the awning. The water covering the parking lot was already deep enough to soak a person's socks, and as I looked down at my pressed slacks and shoes, I knew they wouldn't be surviving the long walk home.

 _Great_. The one day I hadn't checked the weather, and it was a freaking monsoon outside. _Not the way I want my day going._ I thought about calling my parents, but I struck that idea down. Let them pick me up this time and they'd do it every time, and that wasn't how I wanted to earn back my independence. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone to get an Uber, but cursed when I realized I'd left it on my kitchen counter.

A figure running across the parking lot caught my attention. Logan hadn't brought an umbrella either, and his clothes were already soaked through as he got to his car. As he backed out and headed toward the exit, I dashed out from under the awning and waved my arms to get his attention. It was against my better judgement, and I didn't really know the guy, but fuck it. I wasn't walking home in this storm.

Logan slowed to a stop next to me under the covered area and lowered his window.

"So," I said, shaking the rain out of my hair. "How about that ride?"

* * *

 **Done! So we had James' POV this chapter, with Logan popping up at James' class! And it seems that their interaction isn't over just yet since James needs a ride. Where will things go from here?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will pick up where this one left off, and will be up soon-ish! :P**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another update!**

 **But before we get to that, I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, and Spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

As soon as I shut the door, trapping myself in an enclosed space with Logan, I began to think this had been a bad idea. The strange feeling in my stomach was back, and it occurred to me then that I'd gotten in a car with a guy I really didn't know at all.

 _It's a two-mile drive. He's not gonna pack you in the trunk. Calm the hell down._

"Little wet out there." Logan with said with a laugh as I buckled in.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting rain, or I would've come better prepared."

"Me too." He wiped his face with his hand and then ran it through his hair. The rest of him was soaked as well, making his clothes stick to his skin.

Logan put the car in drive. "Where to?"

"The Garden Lakes complex."

"Okay."

"You know where that is?"

"I do. Why do you seem surprised?"

I shrugged. "It's kinda hidden, I guess. My friends were always missing the turnoff."

"Ah." Then after a pause, he said, "I had a boyfriend who lived over there."

That made me do a double take. A boyfriend? He was gay? I don't know why that news left me dumbstruck, but it did. "Had? Did it end badly?"

As we pulled up to a red light, Logan looked my way with sorrow in his eyes. "Yeah. You could say that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." He said softly as the light turned green and his focus returned to the road.

"Breakups are the worst. I mean, how do you go from being so close to someone to practically a stranger overnight? You know?"

He white-knuckled the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. "Yeah. I'm still trying to figure that out."

Okay, I'd obviously steered us into an uncomfortable topic. It was one I wondered about often, though. I'd seen my ex, Lucy, recently, but it felt as though I was talking to someone I'd just met. It was hard to believe I'd spent years of my life with her when it all felt like a blur.

"James?" Logan suddenly said. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Uh, sure."

"Close your eyes."

"Close my eyes? Why?"

"Just trust me."

Something in his voice made me want to obey, so I did as he said. I shut my eyes.

"Keep them closed until we're clear." He said.

"Until we're clear of what?"

"If I told you, it would negate the reason for you to have them shut in the first place."

"Logan-"

" _Please_ , James."

 _Please, James._ There'd been an edge of alarm in his words, and that had me wondering what the hell was going on. But I kept my eyes closed and leaned back, listening to the rain as I waited for him to give me the okay.

A couple minutes later, red and blue lights flickered against my eyelids, and they opened involuntarily before I had a chance to process what those colors actually meant.

The scene in front of us was like something out of a horror movie. There were police cars everywhere, fire trucks, at least two ambulances that I could see, but it was the wreckage in the middle, three cars piled up against each other, that had my heart stopping.

Then there was a flash in my memory, of something slamming into me, glass shattering, air bags detonating from all around.

"Oh my God." I said as my chest suddenly started to seize. Suddenly, I couldn't get enough air. The sight of the mangled cars, the rescue lights flashing… It felt all too familiar. Too much to take.

Logan's voice cut through the images that wouldn't stop playing. "James, I'm gonna need you to bend over and put your head between your knees. Do it now."

I tried to catch my breath, but the panic attack was strong. Logan's hand went to my back as I leaned over and gasped for air.

"It's okay." He said, soothing me like one would a frightened animal. "They've got it under control. You're in here and you're safe."

But I didn't feel safe. My right side felt like someone had taken a bat to my ribs, and my head hurt something fierce.

 _This isn't real. Breathe. Just breathe._

I was vaguely aware of Logan talking me through it, and a few seconds later, he'd shoved a bag under my nose for me to breathe into.

Steady breaths. _It's not real. I'm alive. There's no pain. It's not real._

I had no idea how long I stayed bent over, struggling to right my world once again, but the whole time Logan's hand stayed on me, his presence keeping me grounded.

As my breaths began to slow back to normal, I pulled the bag away and I dropped my head into my hands. "Fuck."

"It's okay. Just let it pass. There's no rush."

I couldn't seem to think of anything other than the wreckage, the one we'd just seen as well as the one my mind was showing me. Had that been me in that car, lying on top of an airbag? It seemed real but...not. Like I was watching it happen but could still feel the pain. Was it real or was my brain making shit up now?

Am I going crazy?

After a while, I sat back up, and Logan held out a travel cup. "Would you like some water?" He asked.

Nodding, I took the drink gratefully. There was still ice inside, and the cold water was a shock to my system, one that was much needed. It was then that I also realized that he'd kicked the air up and positioned the vents to blow directly on me. Not only that, but he'd pulled us into an empty parking lot far enough away that the accident was no longer visible.

"Fuck." I said, wiping my mouth. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just drink some more."

I took another couple of deep gulps before handing the cup back to him. My heart wasn't jackhammering anymore, and with the air blowing on my face, I could breathe again.

Leaning back against the headrest, I asked, "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"You asked me to close my eyes. How did you know that accident would set me off?"

Logan's eyes penetrated mine. "Do you want the truth?"

"Yes."

"Because I was there."

"You were there?"

He dropped his arm from the steering wheel to stroke his jaw. "I'm a paramedic. I was there the day of your accident. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who got you out of the car."

His words sucked the air from out of the small space, and I felt my mouth fall open. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

"You-" The words got stuck in my throat. Logan was the one who'd saved me? _Logan_?

"I know that's probably surprising. It was a hell of a shock to get the call that morning and see that it was you."

"I-it was?"

"Yeah. I'd seen you about ten minutes before at Gustavo's while we were getting coffee. It wasn't exactly how either of us pictured our mornings going, I imagine."

"Wow." That was all I could manage as I let that information sink in. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just thought you should know."

In a daze. That was how my head felt. "Was it as… bad as the one back there?"

"We got you out. That's all that matters."

"I heard the driver that hit me walked away fine."

"A bit of whiplash, but yeah."

"Huh." I crossed my arms and stewed about that fact for the millionth time.

"You can say it."

"What?"

"What you're thinking. That it doesn't seem fair that the accident was his fault and yet you're the one suffering."

"How'd you know that's what I was thinking?"

"Because that's what I would be thinking as well. It doesn't make you a bad person to have those thoughts."

It was like he could read my mind. Even though I tried not to think about it, knowing someone else's rush to get to work had upended my entire life for the worse… It was hard not to be bitter. But yeah, that's what I was. Bitter.

"You're right." I admitted. "I feel…"

"Yeah?"

"Pissed the fuck off."

Logan's mouth quirked up on one side. "I'd be more worried if you weren't."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I'm guessing you see this kind of thing a lot, then."

"More than I'd like to."

"So how do you do it? You see all this bad shit every day and you don't seem jaded by it at all."

"Trust me, I have my days. More often than not lately." He said, his focus moving from me to the window. "But at the end of the day, I'd like to think I've helped in some small way. That out of the bad, there's a bit of good."

Like a bucket of water had splashed over my head, every wary vibe I'd had about Logan vanished. With those few words, he'd just given me a peek into his soul, and I knew then without a shadow of a doubt that there wasn't a malicious or vengeful inch of him. _He's one of the rare good ones, isn't he? And he saved my life. Holy shit, he_ saved _me._ How did you pay someone back for that? Was it even possible?

There was a sting behind my eyes and in my chest. "Thank you. For helping me just now and for...you know." _Saving my life._

Logan's gaze drifted to mine. "You're welcome."

An odd thought occured to me then. "No wonder you came to see me in the hospital. Those flowers you brought...they were from you, weren't they?"

"Uh…" His face flushed as he gave a half-hearted shrug. "Well, I knew you'd had another surgery, so…"

"But then I woke up and had no idea you were the one who saved me. Shit. I'm sorry." I gripped the back of the neck as my head fell back against the headrest. "I feel like I've lost so much."

"What makes you say that?"

"Until a few minutes ago, I couldn't remember my accident, and I think that's what I saw just now. I felt like I was there. And then there's this chunk of time that's missing between that day and the day of my surgery. And I can't explain it, I don't know what it is, but there's something in my gut that tells me that I have to keep digging."

Logan suddenly sat up straighter. "Digging for what?"

"I don't know, whatever it is. I know that makes no sense. But have you ever had the feeling like you're forgetting something and everyone around you thinks you're crazy?"

He stared at me for a long moment and then nodded.

With a sigh, I massaged my temples with my thumbs. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this." It was strange how easy I found him to talk to, especially considering I hadn't spoken to many of my closest friends in so long. But I couldn't seem to shut myself up, and he was a good listener. _Maybe Mom's right. I do need a friend outside of my therapist._ "You're a saint, Logan. I bet you had no idea you'd signed up for this when you offered me a ride."

"Well, you seem like you needed to get it out."

"It's your fault. You're so easy to talk to."

A smile tugged at his lips. "I'll take that as a compliment. You can talk to me anytime."

There it was again. That strange niggling in my stomach. Shit, maybe I was hungry. Glancing at the time on the radio, I realized half an hour had already gone by.

"I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day. I should probably go home." I said.

"Um, about that. Getting you home might be a problem."

"Why?"

"Is there a back entrance to your complex?"

"No, just the main one."

"Well, the accident happened right in front of your street, so it's blocked off right now. It'll take a little while before they can get the road cleared, so I won't be able to get you home until then. Are you hungry? Do you wanna grab some lunch while we wait?"

I looked out at where we were and silently cursed. The rain poured the car so heavily that Logan's windshield wipers were working overtime and you could barely see anything ahead. Ugh, great. I was not looking forward to what I'd have to do next.

"How about you drive me up as close as you can and I can walk the rest of the way?"

"Uh, James?" Logan pointed up at the car ceiling and we listened for a moment. "Pretty sure that's hail beating my car to shit right now. So unless you want a concussion, I wouldn't advise walking. Not to mention you'd have to pass the scene, and after the attack you had, I'm guessing you don't want to do that."

Shit, he was right. Okay, plan B. "My parents don't live far from here. Can you take me there?"

"You got it."

He put the car in drive and eased back out onto the main road as I gave him the address.

"It's not that I can't drive." I said to break up the quiet, suddenly feeling like a teenager who had to get his parents to come pick him up and drop him off. "I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it again yet."

"That's okay." No judgement, no questions. Just 'okay.' Still, I felt the need to explain myself so this guy didn't think badly of me for whatever reason. But before I could do that, Logan said, "You'll do it when you're ready." He glanced over at me. "You've been through a lot, James. Give yourself a break."

Give myself a break? That was something I wasn't sure I could do.

Silence fell between us again, only this time it wasn't awkward. I pointed out how to get to my parents' house, and a few minutes later, he pulled into the driveway.

"You know, I actually don't live far from here." He said.

"You don't?"

"Nope. I'm just on the other side of the lake."

"You weren't kidding. That is close."

"Mhmm. So if you're ever in the area, you should stop by. Since you like to walk"-he shrugged-"I do laps around the lake almost every day. You can join me if you want. We can talk. Not talk. Whatever."

"You're making that offer even though you've seen firsthand that I'm a mess?"

Logan grinned. "Yeah, you are kind of a mess."

"Hey, you're not supposed to agree."

With a laugh, he held up his hand. "What I meant to say is we're all a little messed up. That's not a deal breaker among friends."

Friends...hell, maybe I did need a friend. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to have one who seemed to keep paper bags around.

"Give me your number. Maybe I'll call you next time I come over this way." I said.

He opened the glove compartment and took out a pen and a napkin, and it didn't escape my notice the way his hands shook as he wrote down his number. Then again, he did have the air on high and was still sporting his wet clothes. I reached over and turned down the AC so he wouldn't freeze to death.

When he handed me the paper, I put it in my wallet to keep it from getting drenched.

"Thanks again for the ride, Logan. And for...well, all of it. You're a good guy to have around."

"No problem at all. Take care, James."

 _Take care, James…_ Those words brought on deja vu as I stepped out of the car and made a run for the porch. I turned and waved before heading inside, and Logan flashed his lights in goodbye.

There was something...innately comforting about that guy, I just couldn't put my finger on what that something was. All I knew was that I could maybe use someone like that in my life right about now.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, there you have it. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter most likely won't be up until next weekend, but my new story will be posted this week, which I'm excited/nervous about!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Before we get to that though, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, and Spookje10 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

No one was more shocked than I was when James actually called a few days later. I'd been positive our next interaction would be when I attended his class on Sunday, but the guy had more guts than I'd given him credit for. I'd just gotten out of the shower after a low-key workday, getting ready to head downtown for dinner and drinks with Kendall and Jo, when my cell buzzed.

"Hi, this is James. You know, the guy who spazzed in your car the other day? I told you I'd call when I was over your way, and...well, I'm over your way." He said when I answered.

I was glad in that moment that he wasn't standing right in front of me, because the smile that took over my whole face then would've given away my true feelings for sure.

"I'm glad you did." I said in response.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well...are you busy right now?"

"Actually, I was on my way out."

"Oh." The disappointment in his voice stirred something inside of me, bringing that damn flicker of hope that I couldn't afford to have back to full flame. "Maybe next time, then."

"If you don't mind a couple of loudmouth friends of mine giving you an interrogation over drinks, how would you feel about joining us?"

"Join you and your friends? Um…"

"No pressure. Kendall can be a bit of a handful, although Jo's not much better, but they mean well. Plus, they're entertaining as hell and I'm sure they'll love you."

"I don't know that your friends would be okay with you bringing some weirdo stranger around. I can just give you a call next time I'm in the neighborhood."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"You haven't met weird until you've met these two."

"Is that supposed to convince me to go?" He asked, laughing.

"I think it means you need to see them for yourself to believe it. Then maybe you'll realize how normal you are."

"I seriously doubt that, but it sounds like an interesting challenge."

 _Say yes. Say yes._ I was trying not to beg here.

"Are you sure they'll be okay with me tagging along?"

"Are you kidding? They'll be so grateful to have someone else to talk to besides me that they'll probably kick me out of the group." When he laughed again, I said, "Come on. It'll do you some good to get out and meet a few people, and the food's damn good too. Whaddya say?"

James laughed. "I say you put up a pretty good argument. I think you've convinced me, if only to meet the weirdos."

"Perfect. I'll pick you up in ten."

"See you then."

XxX

"You're shitting me!" Kendall shouted from where we sat at a hightop in a restaurant-slash-bar downtown. I'd gotten a couple of beer pitchers for the table, and he'd been busy pouring himself a glass when I broke the news that James had come with me. Good timing for him to be washing his hands when double trouble arrived.

"Keep your damn voice down." I said.

"Hell no I'm not keeping my voice down! He's here?!"

"Yes, so please don't embarrass me. Jesus." I took a sip of my beer. "I'm regretting this already."

"No, this is great." He said, then raised his hand to get the waiter's attention. "We need shots over here please. Lots and lots of shots."

"That is the last thing we need."

"Logan's right." Jo said, as she sidled up against her husband and then winked at me. "We should wait until James comes back."

I shook my head. "You're just as bad of an influence as he is, you know that?"

With a coy grin, she put her hand on her hip and cocked it to the side. "You didn't think Kendall wore the pants in this relationship, did you?"

No, I knew for a fact that Jo ran that household. That blond spitfire always surprised me. And I wasn't just talking about Jo.

"Before he gets back, please remember that he has no idea who you are and he barely knows me. Treat him like you would someone you don't know." I said.

"Treat him like a stranger. Got it." Jo said, and then a big smile lit up her face as her eyes went over my shoulder. "Oh my God!" She squealed over the music and ran over to attack James as he approached by throwing her arms around him. "You must be James. It's so good to meet you."

James looked at me with raised brows, and I groaned. Leave it to Jo to think greeting a stranger meant with a tackle hug.

"She does it to everyone." Kendall said as he reached out to shake James' hand. "I'm Kendall, Logan's better half on the job, and I claim the spider monkey currently clinging to you. Sometimes."

Jo finally let go of James and swatted her husband.

"Oh, hi." James said as he finally got to shake Kendall's hand. "You're a paramedic too?"

"I prefer the term Lord of Freight Train, but I guess that works."

James furrowed his brow and looked at me. "Freight Train?"

"That's what he named our ambulance." I said. "Though if he's the lord, I don't know what that makes me."

"My bitch?" Kendall suggested.

"Ohhh, he is gonna squash you like a bug, babe. How about you go grab us those shots?" Jo said, sending him off to the bar before turning back to us. "So, James," Jo said, batting her lashes. "Logan tells us he assaulted your ears in your class the other day."

James looked over at me and grinned. "Did he?"

"I don't recall using the word 'assault', Jo." I said. "Thanks for that."

"I've heard you do karaoke, Logan." Jo cut her eyes at James. "Don't ever encourage him to sing Queen. As a matter of fact, don't encourage him to sing at all. Trust me."

"That bad, huh?" James said, amusement twitching his lips.

Jo nodded. "I still wake up having nightmares about it."

"Oh please." I said. "Anyone's _that_ bad after a few pitchers of margaritas."

"Instead of 'fandango,' you sang, 'Will you do the damn tango?'"

"An artistic choice."

"I don't know, Logan." James said. "Anyone who destroys a Freddie Mercury song shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a microphone. Or a piano."

Pretending to look at my watch, I said, "And on that note from the gang-up police, I think it's time for me to go."

"Oh stay." Jo grabbed my shirt when I tried to walk off. "Just let us embarrass you until Kendall gets back. Then we can rag on him."

"Rag on me for what?" Kendall asked, coming up behind her with a tray of shots.

"Uh, you know we have to work tomorrow, right?" I said.

"Live a little, Loges. This is why God gave you a strong liver and created Uber." He passed a couple of shots to each of us, and I sniffed at the liquor. Fuck. Tequila. Yeah, I'd only be having one of those tonight.

"So what'll it be, huh?" Kendall waggled his brows at me, and I knew that meant I needed to come up with a toast quickly before something vile spewed from his mouth.

"To new friends." I said, lifting my shot glass, and Kendall rolled his eyes and mouthed, _You're so lame_. Kendall and Jo on tequila was not gonna be a great first impression for James. Lord help us all.

"To new friends." They said, and we clinked glasses before tossing back the liquid. No salt or lime for this crowd.

"Ugh. Does anyone actually _like_ the taste of tequila?" I shuddered and set my empty glass on the tray. "Why can't we do something that actually tastes good?"

"Aww." Kendall said, poking out his bottom lip like a pouty child would. "Does Logan need a little lemon drop? Maybe you'd like a Sex on the Bach while you're at it. Something with a pink umbrella."

"Hey, those sound good to me." James piped up. God, he looked good tonight. He did every time I saw him, but it was like seeing him for the first time all over again. He wore wore black jeans and a fitted black T-shirt that hugged his body in all the right places, and I thought again, for maybe the millionth time, how drop-dead gorgeous he was.

"You don't have to take his side just because he brought you here. We'll make sure you have a way home." Kendall winked at James as he chased down another shot with his beer.

"Anyway," Jo said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and focusing her attention back on James. "You are just too handsome for words. You seeing anyone?"

James blinked. "Uh-"

"Don't answer that." I said, topping his beer off when I noticed it was low. I didn't need her help pushing his buttons, _thankyouverymuch_.

Jo glanced my way. "Is your name James? I didn't think so." She said before turning her gaze back on James. "So?"

I let out a groan as James took a long sip before answering, and when he did, his cheeks flushed. "No, I'm not seeing anyone. Life's been a little too crazy lately for that."

"I understand." She said, giving him a sympathetic smile. "That's the excuse Logan tries to give every time we set him up with someone too."

"Oh...Does that happen a lot?" James asked.

Kendall interjected. "No, because our friend here thinks it's funny to ditch us and not show up."

"Hey," I said, holding up my hand. "It's not that I don't appreciate that you want me as gaggingly happy as you two, but I don't need your help. And I definitely don't want to sit through dinner on a blind date while you watch."

"Hell no. No blind dates. It may be the best intentions of friends and all, but those dates never end well." James said. "I swore off them years ago."

"So you'd rather date someone you're already friendly with, then?" Jo asked, and I didn't miss the way she looked pointedly at me while she asked.

 _You better fucking stop_ , I tried to convey with my narrowed eyes, but she just smirked and bit down on a loaded nacho.

"Huh, I guess I haven't really thought about it." James admitted.

"Hmm. And what about you, Logan?" She said. "Have you thought much about it?"

I pushed my second shot her way. "Drink up and stay out of my love life, please."

Kendall snorted. "Fat chance of that happening. She wouldn't know what to do with herself if she couldn't interfere."

"I heard that."

With a laugh, James dug into the nachos and popped one into his mouth. When he finished chewing, he pointed at Kendall and Jo. "So what about you two? You seem so perfect for each other. How'd you meet?"

"Yeah, guys." I said, before sipping my drink. "Why don't you tell him?"

As Jo flipped me off before launching into the story of how she'd accidentally knocked Kendall unconscious with a wayward swing of her tennis racket in college, I couldn't help but think about how this meeting between James and my closest friends had finally taken place, months after we'd made plans.

Plans we never got to follow through on because I'd taken James to the emergency room that week instead. So to see the three of them all together around the same table, laughing and ribbing each other as if they'd known each other years...well, it had a warm and fuzzy feeling humming through my veins.

Even if James never regained his memory, even if he never looked at me with eyes of lust or love, then I thought maybe, just maybe, this would be enough. I wasn't sure how my heart would feel about that decision, but my head was ruling matters right now, and it said I needed to suck it up and be grateful. James was here, he was alive, and he'd chosen to spend tonight with me. That was a pretty huge win.

Life had a funny way of coming full circle, didn't it?

A burst of laughter came out of all three of them, and as I looked up to see what I'd missed, a familiar gaze caught my eye.

Carlos Garcia had dark hair, a slim yet muscular build, and was an ex that I had fond memories of, even though we were never really serious. But it'd been over a year since I'd seen him, or even seen his number pop up on my phone.

But he sure saw me now, his bright smile widening as he started in my direction.

 _Oh fuck. Not now. Not here._

There was no way I wanted a reunion in front of everyone, especially James. Even if all we'd ever be was platonic. So I quickly excused myself from the table before Carlos could make his approach...and turn it all to shit.

* * *

 **Done! So James finally met Kendall and Jo! I figured it was time to have a lighter chapter after all the heaviness of the past few chapters :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will pick up where this one left off and will be up soon!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, winterschild11, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

When Logan told us he'd be right back, I figured he was going to the restroom or maybe the bar for more food or drinks. What I didn't expect was that he'd walk straight over to a guy, who greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Whatever Jo had been saying faded into the background as I zeroed in on their interaction. The guy rubbed Logan's back before Logan broke off the embrace and took a step back. But as the two continued to talk, the other guy touched Logan's arm and leaned back into him to whisper something in his ear. The way the guy smiled at Logan and invaded his personal space made me think they'd been intimate with each other at some point. Or maybe even now. Logan had said he was single, but maybe that didn't refer to hookups.

I pushed my beer away as my stomach began to churn, and when the guy's hand slid up Logan's arm again, a different scene sprang to my mind. One at a bowling alley with a guy in a red shirt, staring at Logan in a way that made me want to give them privacy, but also made my blood heat.

" _I hope you don't mind, but I noticed you were giving your friend pointers, and I thought...maybe you could help me as well?" Red shirt guy said, ignoring me completely as he licked his lips and smiled at Logan._

" _Actually, I'm a little busy-" Logan said from where he stood beside me and had been showing me the right technique for keeping my bowling ball out of the gutter._

" _That's okay. I'm a quick learner." He gave Logan a long once-over. "It won't take long."_

" _I don't think-"_

" _You should go." The words came out of my mouth automatically, even though that was the last thing I wanted. "It's selfish to keep you all to myself when you could be helping someone else."_

"James?"

My eyes snapped up to Logan's from where I'd apparently been staring off into space while lost in whatever that had been. That couldn't have been a memory. I'd never been to a bowling alley with Logan. Had I drifted off to sleep standing up or something?

I shook my head, erasing the images from my mind. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Everything okay?" Logan asked, coming around the table to stand beside me. When I looked up, Jo and Kendall had resumed their conversation, but I could see them peeking over to see what was going on.

 _Way to make a scene by daydreaming, James._

"Everything's good. Maybe I need to lay off the drinks and eat something." I said before reaching for another nacho.

"Yeah, of course, let's go ahead and order. Did you decide what you want already?"

"Hmm. What's good?"

Logan flipped open a menu, and we both scanned over it. "Their chicken enchiladas are amazing, but I gotta say, their fish tacos bring it home for me."

Something flickered on the edges of my mind. "Tacos?"

"Yeah. You like tacos, right?"

"With homemade seasoning…" I murmured. _A mixing bowl. Spices spread out along the counter, and Logan pouring them one at a time as he smiled at...me?_

"Well, I don't know how homemade the seasoning is here, but it gets the job done. You'll have to come over the next time I make some and try it out."

My forehead creased, and I rubbed it with my thumb. "You make your own seasoning?"

"It's the only way."

"Right." I knew that. How did I know that?

"So what do you think?" Logan asked. "Wanna try 'em out?"

I could hear him talking, but all my mind could seem to focus on was the image of Logan mixing spices. _Get it together before he decides to cut the night short and take you home._ "Sure. Fish tacos sound great."

And they were. Fresh and perfectly flaky with some kind of creamy sauce that had me licking my fingers. When I moaned while savouring my last bite, Logan chuckled.

"Doesn't look like you enjoyed those at all. I really should give better recommendations." He said.

"Yes, terrible choice. Absolutely hated them." I grinned and sucked a bit of sauce from my finger, and Logan's eyes dropped down to my mouth. But then he quickly looked away, over to where Kendall and Jo were two-stepping on the dance floor. Or at least that was what I thought they were supposed to be doing. Kendall seemed to be making up a few moves, complete with hip thrusts that had Jo laughing her ass off.

"Your friends are pretty interesting." I said.

"That's a nice way to put it."

"I mean that in a good way. You're lucky to have people who care about you the way they obviously do."

"You think?"

"Yeah. They seem protective in that way that says they'll kick the ass of anyone who messes with you. And they welcomed me tonight without any hesitation, not even knowing anything about me other than you invited me. Not to mention they're hilarious."

"Oh God. Please don't say any of this to Kendall. It's already hard enough to get his ego through the door."

I let out a laugh, because I had no doubt that was true, or at least half true. Kendall seemed to be in on the joke, though. "Did you guys meet at work?"

"No, actually. We met before that." He stopped and gripped the back of his neck as his cheeks turned pink. "I, uh, dated Jo's cousin, so I'd met them at some dinner or...something."

"Oh. So you could've been family, huh?"

"Well, they're the closest thing I have to family, so yeah. I guess you could say I got them in the breakup."

 _The closest thing to family?_ "You don't have brothers or sisters? Family nearby?"

He shook his head. "I'm an only child. My parents passed away when I was seventeen, and I've been on my own ever since."

 _Holy shit._ For some reason, I wasn't all that surprised at his words, but I _was_ surprised at how they affected me. An intense wave of sympathy and crushing sadness filled my chest as I realized that this guy beside me, who I'd thought was so sure of himself when I met him, was all alone in the world, save for Kendall and Jo. Or did he have anyone else? Aunts, uncles, cousins? Grandparents? I got the feeling that if I asked him, he'd tell me no, because wouldn't they have taken him in when his parents passed? And again I felt a twinge of guilt for how I'd treated my own parents over the last few weeks.

As if reading my thoughts, Logan said, "It's okay. I'm not a sob story, I promise." Then he nudged me, trying to lighten the mood, but something else popped into my brain, something that came out of nowhere but I knew to be true, though I didn't know how.

"They died in a car accident, didn't they? Your parents?"

Logan's brows shot up. "Good guess."

But it wasn't a guess. At least, I didn't think it was. Shit. Had my accident caused me to become clairvoyant or something? First the bowling guy, then the taco seasoning, and now this? "Yeah." I said, swallowing. "Lucky guess."

As I looked over to where Kendall and Jo were slow-dancing in the middle of the crowded floor, another pair of eyes nearby caught my attention. The guy from earlier was staring at Logan...or maybe he was staring between the two of us, I couldn't tell, and something about the way he looked in our direction made me want to hit him. A reaction that surprised the shit out of me, considering I wasn't usually a violent person and I didn't know him at all. But when he didn't look away, I finally asked Logan who he was, not that it was any of my business.

Logan looked over in the guy's direction. "Who, Carlos over there? He's just someone I used to hang out with."

"Used to?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen him in a while."

"Why not?"

"Been busy."

"But you used to date?"

He paused lifted his drink to his lips. "I wouldn't call it that exactly." He said, then finished off the iced water he'd switched to just as Kendall and Jo came back to the table, and that was the end of that. I didn't even know why I cared, but it bothered me that that guy had been anywhere near him. From his actions in the car the other day to tonight, Logan seemed like too good of a guy to attach himself to someone like that.

 _Oh please._ I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. _He looks harmless. He's probably a perfectly nice guy._ Then, like a devil was sitting on my shoulder, I thought, _Yeah, a perfectly nice guy who's been in Logan's pants._

I scrubbed a hand over my face. What the hell? It wasn't like I gave a shit who anyone else dated, especially not some guy I'd just met. Emphasis on _guy_.

God, I was officially losing it.

And on top of that, I was suddenly hyperaware of where Logan was at all times. Every time he'd accidentally brush against my arm as he laughed at something Kendall said, or when he'd reach across me to refill drinks, it felt like a shock of static. I wondered if he even felt it on his end, because he didn't jerk away like I did when it happened.

One thing that stood out to me, was that Logan smiled a lot. A genuine, wide grin that lit up his face. Sitting so close, I even noticed the small scar along the edge of his jaw, which I'd never seen, probably because I never paid close enough attention. But it was there, and I couldn't help but wonder how he'd gotten it.

"Do I have something on my face?" He asked, wiping his jaw as he caught me staring.

"Uh, yeah, some sauce or something right there." I lied, pointing to a spot on my chin, and he swept away the imaginary crumb.

"Did I get it?"

Damn, he had enticing eyes. They were the kind that forced you to spill all your secrets, but promised to keep them safe and hidden.

"Yeah." I said, my voice coming out gravelly, and I cleared my throat. "Yeah, you got it."

I turned my attention back to Kendall and Jo, and the rest of the night passed with them lobbing insults not only at Logan, but also each other and sometimes even me, which, I had a feeling, meant they didn't mind me crashing their outing tonight. A couple of hours later, my stomach muscles ached from laughing so hard, and it made me hope this wasn't the last time I'd score an invite out with the three of them. I hadn't realized how desperately I'd been missing out on having people in my life to go out with or laugh with for a couple of hours. To make me feel somewhat human again, even if I wasn't sure that I'd ever get my life back to normal. Or my old sense of normal, anyway.

"All right, all right, all right." Kendall said, doing his best Matthew McConaughey impersonation, though it was a bit slurred. "What time is it?" He blinked down at his watch. "Holy shit! Woman, why'd you make me stay out so late?"

Jo winked at me. "It's James' fault. He kept making you do his tequila shots."

"Ohh, that asshole." Kendall said, playfully narrowing his eyes at me. "Next time, you hold your own damn liquor. I'm not a storage closet."

"I think he means human garbage disposal." Jo whispered loudly.

"That's what I said." Kendall rounded the table and gave Logan a hug. Or fell into him, rather.

"I'll drop you guys off." Logan said, as Kendall then surprised me by giving me a hug as well.

"Thanks, but I already ordered an Uber." Jo said, lifting her phone to show us the little black car making it's way to our location, and then she came over to me, planting a kiss on my cheek. "You're going to come and hang out with us again soon, right? You have to. Don't let Logan keep you away." Then she turned and pointed a stern finger in Logan's direction. "You hear me, Loges? You make him come back."

"I'll be sure to drag him out against his will if he even thinks about protesting." Logan agreed.

That seemed to appease Jo, because she said, "Good." and then patted my jaw before Kendall put his arm around her shoulder.

"The chariot awaits, my lady." He said, leading her away, and then, over his shoulder, he pointed at me. "Don't think you're getting out of karaoke next week, by the way."

"I'll make sure to bring my cotton balls for Logan's performance." I said.

Ohhh shit!" Kendall yelled as the three of them went slack-jawed. "He went there. Loges, he really went there, and I think I'm in love. Jo, I'm leaving you, sorry." Kendall said as he stumbled back in my direction, and Jo laughed before pulling him back.

"You idiot. He'd make you sleep outside." She chuckled as his arm went back around her shoulders, and then she winked at us. "Later, guys."

"Bye, Jo. Make sure his alarm is set." Logan said, and when he faced me again, he shook his head. "Well. You survived."

I checked over my arms and legs. "No battles wounds that I can see. They weren't too scary."

"No? I'll make sure they bring it next time."

So there would be a next time… "Looking forward to it." I said, and I meant it.

"Good. You ready to head out?"

"Yeah, give me a couple of minutes?"

"Sure."

I walked down the narrow hallway toward the one-stall bathrooms, but when the door was locked, I leaned against the wall to wait. A minute later, the door opened, and out came the guy from earlier. Carlos, Logan had called him, and when he saw me, he stopped and gave me a long once-over, letting the door shut behind him.

"No wonder Logan wasn't up for getting together later." He said, a smile tipping his lips.

"Um...excuse me?"

His eyes met mine and his smile grew wider. "I meant that as a compliment. You're sexy as hell."

Okay, that wasn't what I was expecting. "Uh...thanks."

"You're welcome." He said before mimicking my pose, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "You know, I hadn't realized Logan was seeing anyone, but I guess you two are serious, huh?"

"No, sorry. I think you're mistaking me for someone else."

The guy laughed, his pearly whites flashing in the dim light. "Nah, I'd never forget a face, especially one as handsome as yours. You've been dating since, what, February? I saw you guys at Fish City Grill one night, but I was on a date of my own, so I didn't come say hello."

My face burned as I stepped back. "I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong guy. We just met."

"Sure you did." He said, laughing again. "I wouldn't be ashamed of claiming that man as mine. You let me know if you decide to give him up. Or vice versa." With a wink, he pushed off that wall and walked past me, and it wasn't until I reached for the door handle that I realized that my hands were shaking.

 _What the hell was that? Why would he think I was with Logan back in February, for God's sake? Do I have a twin I don't know about?_

I quickly finished and met Logan back as the table, where he was stacking up the glasses on the table for the wait staff to have an easy cleanup. There was a signed copy of a bill next to him, and I scanned the table for mine.

"Did they forget to print mine out?" I asked.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I got it tonight." Logan responded as he shoved a copy in his back pocket and inclined his head toward the front door. "You ready?"

With my mind still on my bathroom encounter, I nodded absently and followed him out to the parking lot. I wasn't sure how to bring up what Carlos had said back there, or why it bothered me so much when he'd obviously gotten the wrong person, but after a night of strange images and flashes berating my brain, I was feeling more than a little confused and overwhelmed. I just needed to sleep it off, right? Right. Maybe I'd just gotten overstimulated or something. Or maybe the alcohol had screwed with my head. Then I thought back to the way Logan had looked at my mouth for the briefest moment and that he'd paid for me tonight, and I wasn't sure what to think anymore. Maybe I'd had this whole night wrong.

Logan must've caught on to my sudden change in mood, because he said, "Are you sure Kendall and Jo didn't scare you off? I know they're a bit of a handful, and on tequila, it's amped up about a hundred percent."

"No, your friends are great. I really like them a lot. Wild, but great."

"Whew. You got quiet for a minute there, so I wasn't sure."

I hadn't planned to say anything, I honestly hadn't, but the words suddenly came blurting out before I could stop them. "This wasn't a date, you know."

He gave me a strange look. "Yeah, I know."

"Then why did you pay for me?"

"I paid for Kendall and Jo's food too. Friends do that sometimes. Is that a problem?"

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know. But I wanted to. I invited you out. And it's the least I can do for subjecting you to Kendall's mouth all night."

"Oh. Well...thank you."

"You're welcome." I could sense him looking over at me, but I wouldn't meet his eyes. "Is there something else wrong?"

"No."

"James, I can feel the tension coming off you in waves. Did you not have a good time tonight?"

"I did."

"So…?"

I had a feeling he wasn't going to let it go until I told him what was really bothering me, and even though it was a completely irrational thing to say, I found the words coming out anyway as I spun around to face him. "Look, I'm not gay."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "I know."

"Do you? Because it doesn't feel that way."

He stopped walking. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying is this some kind of game you have with your friends? Try to turn the straight guy?" My anger and confusion combined and kept tumbling out, and I just couldn't make it fucking _stop_.

"Ex _cuse_ me?"

"Because if it is, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"Whoa." He said, holding up his hands. "When have I _ever_ given you the impression tonight that I was hitting on you? Besides paying the bill, which was not a big deal."

"The guy back there? The one you hugged? He said he saw me with you one night at Fish City Grill before."

Logan went to reply, but stopped short, and stared at me. "He said what?"

"Why would he think he saw with me with you? I know I've never been there with you, so what's the deal, huh? Do I look like someone you used to date? Is that why you invited me out tonight?"

Even with just the lights of the restaurant to illuminate us, I could see that his face had gone ghostly white, and his body was so still that I wasn't sure if he was even still breathing. When he spoke again, his voice strained barely above a whisper. "No. I didn't invite you out because you look like someone I dated. I don't know why Carlos would tell you that. I'm sorry if he made you uncomfortable."

My mouth clamped shut, and I scrubbed a hand over my face. "No, _I'm_ sorry. That was such an asshole thing to say. I don't even know why I said it."

Logan stared at me for a long minute, like he was trying to figure out who the hell had taken over my personality, and quite frankly, I was wondering the same thing. Why had I felt the need to bring any of it up? I'd never cared about what anyone thought of me before, and it wasn't like I was bothered with Logan being gay, or anyone thinking I was, for that matter.

Logan's jaw ticked as he unlocked the car, and once we were both inside, he said, "You may find this hard to believe, but gay people have platonic friends too. Not everyone is a sexual target."

"I know that." I said in a quiet voice. "I didn't mean it."

"Do you have a habit of saying things you don't mean?"

"Lately I seem to."

"And why is that?"

"I'm not sure."

"Automatic defensive reflex, maybe?" He said.

"Yeah. Maybe."

He sighed and stared out the window. "Look, James. I know you've got a lot going on right now. There's probably a lot you don't understand, stuff you're still figuring out, but do me a favor. Don't take it out on the people trying to help you."

His words struck a chord with me, sending a pang through my chest. "I apologize. I think this might have been a mistake."

"What, coming out tonight?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little...fucked up right now." Yeah, that wasn't even the half of it. I was being ridiculous. He knew it, I knew it, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. All I knew was that I was entirely too pissed off about that guy Carlos, and I was paying way too much attention to Logan's mouth, the way he had mine earlier. But I'd meant what I said, I wasn't gay. Not that I hadn't noticed Logan when we'd get our coffee every morning at Gustavo's, but how could I help but notice him? He was always right there. But now I wasn't so sure that was the only reason.

 _What the hell is happening to me?_

It was dead silent the entire drive to my apartment, one of those uncomfortable silences where you knew you needed to fill it with apologies or explanations, but the words just wouldn't come out. I couldn't unravel the conflict and chaos warring inside of me. On one hand, I'd enjoyed the night more than I'd ever expected to, and it honestly had more to do with the guy beside me than Kendall and Jo's jokes.

There was something inherently kind about Logan, even now, as he patiently deflected the jabs I'd hurled his way. It made me wonder why he bothered with me, and if he ever would again. I wouldn't blame him for cutting ties and running, though for some inexplicable reason, the thought of never seeing him again sent a blast of panic through me.

Once we were in my neighborhood, Logan circled around until he found an open parking space, but he didn't shut off the car.

"For the record, I'm not sorry you came out tonight." He said, and then looked over at me. "I'm only sorry you feel it was a mistake."

With my hand on the door handle, I opened my mouth to apologize, but the words dissolved on my tongue with one look at the sincerity on his face. The truth was that the guy scared me. Not in a boogie man kind of way, but in a way that had me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. More than anything though, I hated that I'd disappointed him. But I had a feeling any apology I gave tonight would be tossed aside. He would say 'it's okay' and move on, so I simply thanked him for letting me tag along and headed upstairs to my empty apartment, alone and more miserable than I had been in a long time.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, a pretty big chapter in terms of moving things forward and for James in general.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'll try and have the next chapter up as soon as possible! ;)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get to the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a special thank you to Guest, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Riku child of Dawn, and The LoganTrain for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

I was a zombie the next day and all through dinner with my family that evening. I replayed the night over and over again in my head, and I still couldn't believe how badly I'd acted last night. Lashing out at Logan was the final straw that told me I needed to figure my shit out. He'd been nothing but good to me from day one, and I'd acted like an asshole. It wasn't like me at all, and I had no excuse. None. But even though my fingers itched to pull out my phone and call him to apologize, I had another problem.

The chair across from me was now empty, Shane having discreetly disappeared from the table at some point. The hug he'd given me the other day was apparently a distant memory, since he was back to avoiding me and dipping out early whenever I was around.

It seemed like a James apology tour was in order, because I was done pissing off the people around me. I had issues I needed to work through, and I couldn't begin to do that if I didn't confront the problems I knew I could fix. Starting with my brother.

After excusing myself from the table, I looked in his room, but when I didn't see him, I headed for the back door. I knew Shane was having a hard time coming to terms with the last few months just as I was, and I needed him just as much as he needed me. Even with the age difference, we'd been close, and I wanted to mend that rift between us. I knew he missed me, but he didn't want to admit it. We needed to talk, and I knew just where to find him.

The sun still shone brightly in the sky as I crossed the sidewalk behind my parents' house and headed down the grassy bank to where Shane stood tossing bits of leftover dinner rolls to the ducks.

"Hey, Shay."

He flinched at my voice but didn't turn around. "I thought you would've left already."

"No. Why? Do you want me to leave?"

He shrugged his shoulders and then threw another piece of the roll even farther out.

I was determined to heal our relationship, somehow, someway. But he wasn't making it easy by keeping himself closed off. _Hey, whaddya know, sort of like you, huh, asshole?_

"Do you mind if we talk?" I asked as I came up beside him. He was almost as tall as me now, and lanky, though he was no athlete. He always had been more into books than sports.

Shane shrugged again, and I dropped down to the grass to make myself comfortable.

"Do you remember when Mom and Dad took us to that hidden waterfall that one time? Not Diamond Falls, the other one." When he didn't answer, I continued. "You didn't know how to swim very well yet, so you stayed on the rocks, climbing over them like they were a jungle gym. Then out of nowhere that big-ass bird...what was it, a hawk? It swooped down close to you and scared you to death. I remember seeing it happen and watching as you lost your balance and hit your head on those rocks."

Shane wiped off his hands and sat down beside me, still not looking my way.

"You scared me to death that day. Practically gave Mom and Dad a heart attack, too. You were out cold for a minute, and when you came to, we cut the day short."

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked.

"Don't you see? The same thing that happened to me could've easily happened to you. We both got knocked unconscious, but it wasn't your fault that you fell any more than it was my fault that a truck ran a red light. What if you'd woken up and didn't know who I was either?"

He stared straight ahead, but I could see his eyes welling up a bit.

"I would've moved mountains, sung bad karaoke, whipped out all of the family photo albums until you were sick of looking at my face and you remembered who I was. Because you're my brother, and I will always love you. No matter what."

A tear fell down his cheek, and he quickly brushed it away.

"It would just take you a little longer to realize it, is all."

"So you're saying it's my fault I haven't tried hard enough?"

"No. God no. I just don't want you to be scared of me. I want you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But I won't lie to you, I'm a little lost right now. I hate that there are things I can't remember, and sometimes I can't tell if the things that pop into my head are memories or dreams or if I'm hallucinating. So if you see me drifting off into space with a confused look on my face, I'm gonna need you to bring me back down to earth."

"How do I do that?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Maybe get Dad to hold you down while I tickle your feet?" He asked jokingly.

"You're evil." I chuckled, shaking my head. "But hey, if that works, I'll take it."

"But what if it happens again?" His voice cracked, and when I put my arm around him, pulling him closer, he didn't put up a protest.

"There's probably a point zero zero zero zero one percent chance it could happen a third time, but God knows if it did, then I'd ask you all to commit me to a psych ward and leave me there. By then I'd be totally confused with reality."

He left out a soft chuckle and sniffed.

"I understand not wanting to open yourself up to getting hurt again. And I know I hurt you involuntarily. I get that. But you're my brother, the only one I've got in this world, and I love you. I don't want you to be scared of me or avoid me. I want us to spend time together again. Go get lost in old bookstores, or go see a movie or get ice cream."

"Does this mean I get to drive?"

"Oh shit. I'm not sure I'm ready for that." When he sat up and punched me in the arm, I said, "I was kidding. I'll think about it. For now, there's Uber or Mom and Dad."

He smiled and then glanced over at me. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry." Dropping his gaze, he began to pull strands of grass out from the ground one at a time. "It was so hard when you woke up from the coma. You treated me like a little brother-"

"You _are_ my little brother."

"Yeah, but you've never _treated_ me like one. We've always been...friends. And you were nice when you woke up, but you didn't have much to do with me."

"I'm sorry, Shane. I wish I could take it back. It was confusing for the both of us, but you have to know I'd never want to hurt you."

"I do know that."

"You better. And we _are_ friends. Which means if you're upset or need to talk, you come to me. Don't go trying to hide. I know where you live."

He snorted. "You're such a dork."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"A bigger dork."

"Am I forgiven, though?"

"Yeah, I guess. Since you asked nicely."

"Oh, gee, thanks. Tell you what, if I ever forget you again, you have permission to slap me silly."

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "I can't slap someone with a brain injury, James, geez."

"You can if he's not thinking straight."

"Shane!" Mom called out from the back porch. "Don't think I've forgotten it's your turn to load the dishwasher."

I grinned and gave Shane a nudge. "You'd better get in there before she has a conniption and grounds you."

"Yeah, yeah." As we stood up and wiped the grass off our pants, he glanced over at me. "James?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Shay."

"Shane! I'm gonna tell you again." Mom yelled.

"I'm coming." Shane called out, and I pulled him into a hug, giving him one last squeeze before letting him go.

When he ran off, I felt a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders. I hadn't expected his forgiveness to come so easily, but maybe he'd wanted our relationship back as much as I did. I needed to plan some sibling time with him one day soon, but at least for the moment, it seemed like we might be okay.

Thank God.

I crossed his name off my mental checklist and moved down to the next name. Logan. How to explain all my baggage to a new friend-if that was what we still were-and have him understand where I was coming from? I needed to figure out what to say to apologize for my behavior, so before I got around to calling him, I needed to clear my head a bit.

A walk in the fresh evening air sounded like a good plan to me. The last thing I wanted to do was sound like a hot mess when I called. Although Logan had already seen me have a panic attack followed by an attack on _him_ , so chances were slim he'd even answer the phone for me at this point.

 _Man._ It was a roaster of a day, it felt like it was a thousand degrees, give or take a few, and I was already regretting my decision to go for a walk. But since I was about halfway at that point, I figured I'd finish out the lap before heading inside.

As I reached for my phone in my pocket, my eyes landed on a house across the street and I stopped moving. There wasn't anything that stood out about the place for it to have gotten my attention. It was on the smaller side and had the same brick exterior as almost every other house in the neighborhood, only this one had a red door and green shutters.

But...that house. I _knew_ that house, and not because I'd walked past it a hundred times before. There was a loose brick on the third porch step of that house.

Without knowing why, I found myself crossing the street. Maybe it was that I wanted to check that brick to make sure it was loose and that I wasn't crazy. But what would it mean if it was? I couldn't recall ever coming here before. There would be no reason for me to know a detail like that.

Venturing across the yard, I noticed there was no car in the driveway, so at least the owner wouldn't see some crazy guy on their front lawn. _This is stupid_ , I thought when I stood in front of the porch steps and debated whether to turn around and keep right on walking. But I'd come this far, and better to know I wasn't fully losing it… or not.

Stepping onto the first stair, I toed the edge of the bricks on the third step with my foot. On the right side, one of the bricks had darker edges surrounding it, and I bent over to wiggle it with my hand.

It didn't move.

Shit.

"Don't tell me the brick came loose again." Came a voice from the driveway, and I whirled around to see Logan getting out of his car, still dressed in his uniform of navy-blue pants and a matching button-down shirt that fit his body like a glove.

"Logan?" I rubbed my eyes, making sure I wasn't seeing things, but no. He was still there. "What are you doing here?" I asked as he opened his trunk and took out a few grocery bags. He easily slid them all up one arm and then shut the trunk with the other.

"What do you mean what am I doing here?" He asked, giving me a funny look as he walked past me up the stairs. "It's my house. What are _you_ doing here?"

His house? This was Logan's house?

He tapped the third step with his foot, right over the place with the darkened cracks. "Oh good. If that thing had come loose again, I would've chucked it into the lake."

 _Oh God._ A wave of dizziness had me reaching for the rail to keep me upright.

My mind knew Logan's house. But why...how? We'd just met, and I'd never been here before. But that detail was so strong, just like I knew that if I walked up those steps, that it would lead into a hallway with dark blue walls and white trim before opening up into a living area and kitchen.

 _What the fuck is happening?_

Logan stood inside the unlocked doorway and looked down at me. "You coming?"

Was I? I'd been about to call him anyway, but this revelation felt like my feet were being kicked out from under me. With shaky legs, I climbed up to where Logan watched me with concern in his eyes.

"Everything okay?" He asked as he gestured for me to go in. And sure enough, the hallway looked exactly like I thought it would. Dark blue walls and white trim, and I had to keep a hand on it as I walked so I wouldn't fall over.

 _I don't understand_ , I thought, a wave of dizziness hitting me again so hard I had to stop where I was and close my eyes.

"James? Did you get too hot?"

"Hmm?" I managed. I heard Logan lower the bags to the floor, and then the back of his hand was on my forehead and then my cheek, checking my temperature, and then he took my wrist, checking my pulse.

"The heat index is still over ninety, so you need to cool off." He said, leading me over to a recliner chair and forcing me into it. He returned a few seconds later with a glass of iced water, but my hands were still shaking so badly that he had to lift it to my lips.

It couldn't be heat stroke that had me feeling so strange? No, I didn't think so, but the cold water definitely helped, and when Logan went back to refill the glass, he also brought a cold towel, placing it around my neck.

"Is that better?" He asked, taking my wrist again and looking at his watch for a full minute. Then he let go and adjusted the towel. "You can lie back if you want to."

I could only stare at him. It was like looking at him through new eyes. The way he took such great care with me, completely putting aside any hurt from the night before to make sure I was okay… It was then that I realized how lucky I was that he'd been the one to pull me out of the car.

"I'm sorry, Logan."

"It's okay. I'm just glad you made it here instead of passing out on the sidewalk."

"No, I mean I'm sorry for last night."

"Oh." He lifted the water back up to my mouth for me to take a sip. "That's okay too."

"No, it's not. I was horrible to you. I feel like I've been horrible to everyone lately, and I was going to call you and tell you… I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of that."

Logan's eyes bored into mine from where he knelt in front of me, and then he nodded. "Thank you. Apology accepted."

The easy way he forgave me made my eyes sting, and I had to look down at my lap so he didn't see it. After a moment, he got to his feet and went over to retrieve the bags he'd left in the hallway. I was tempted to go help him, but I didn't think my legs were quite steady enough yet, so I watched as he slid the bags up his arm again and carried them into the adjoining kitchen. It was then that I got a good look of where I was.

Sitting up, I took in the straightforward decor. Cream-colored walls, oversized grey couches, an entertainment center with a TV that just barely fit inside it. Nothing fancy, but all well maintained, just like the man himself. But what surprised me the most was the piano in the corner of his kitchen.

"You have a piano?" I asked, my brows pinching together. "But...you don't play. Do you use it as a table?"

"Hah hah, very funny, smartass. I think what you mean is I don't play _well_. I do a pretty mean 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' though. Although, my teacher may disagree."

"Um. He'd probably say there's room for improvement."

"And that would be far too kind of him." Logan said, chuckling. "So, just out of curiosity, how'd you find me?"

And there was the question I didn't really have an answer to. One I wanted to know myself. "I, uh, didn't realize I had."

Logan continued unpacking the grocery bags and smirked. "Going door to door to ask for me, then? That's stalker behavior, James. You could've just called for my address."

"No, I mean I didn't know this was your house. I don't know why I'm here."

His hands froze as he looked up at me. "I don't understand."

"I don't either." I leaned forward and ran my hands through my hair. "I...I was going for a walk, and I saw your house, and I swore that there was a loose brick on your porch step, and I had to...check. I don't know why, but I had to see if I was right. And your walls?" I gestured down the hallway. "I knew what they looked like before I set a foot inside. Does that make sense to you? Does any of this make sense? Because I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark, and when I'm awake all I see are these crazy images."

"What kind of images?" Logan asked, voice flat and his hands still frozen.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you. I see you everywhere, but nowhere that makes any sense to me, and I'm just so fucking confused." Looking up at him, I gripped the back of my neck and said, "I don't have any explanation for any of this. Not why I'm here, not how I know these things, none of it."

Logan's Adam's appled bobbed as he swallowed, and his eyes suddenly glistened with tears. "I know you don't." He whispered, his voice shaking as his hands curled into fists. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath, and when he let it out, he shook his head. "I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry. But I can't do this anymore."

* * *

 **Done! So we had a little moment with James and his brother. James found Logan and is remembering more and more. And of course, being the evil person I am, I couldn't help but leave you all with a cliffhanger. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter picks up where this one left off, and will most likely be up tomorrow. Or later today, depending on what time zone you're in.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to thank winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I didn't know exactly what it was exactly that made me decide to tell James the truth. It could've been the desperate plea for help that I heard in his voice, or the way his eyes looked up at me, so full of sadness and doubt. But the time for hiding the truth was over. I'd never wanted to lie to him, but here he was, trying to piece the puzzle of his life back together, and I'd be damned if I didn't give him what he wanted. What he deserved.

Coming back into the living room, I took a seat on the couch closest to where James sat in the recliner and rested my arms on my knees. There was a good possibility he'd hate me when I'd finished saying my piece, but for once, I wasn't thinking selfishly. The man I loved was suffering, and if there was something I could do to help him, then I was going to do it. It's what I should've done in the first place.

Not wanting him to think I had anything else to hide once the truth was out, I looked him straight in the eye. "I've gone about this all wrong, James. I've confused you even more, and for that, I'm so very sorry. I hope you'll forgive me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I promised your mom I'd help you, be there for you as a friend, but..I can't do that anymore."

"But I told you last night was a mistake, and I wasn't thinking clearly. Why can't you-" His words came to an abrupt stop, and his brow furrowed. "Wait, did you say you promised my mom you'd be friends with me?" When I didn't answer, he said, "Logan, you know my mom?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"We met in the hospital after your accident."

"You mean after my surgery?"

"No. I mean after your accident. While you were in a coma."

"What? How?"

I rested my hands on my knees and blew out a breath. "Because I'd snuck into your room to see you. To make sure you were okay. I shouldn't have been in there at all, but I just...couldn't help myself. Your family walked in before I could leave, and then…"

"Then what?" James asked, his voice shaking.

"Then you woke up."

"Okay." He said, staring down at the coffee table, and I could practically see his mind working to put together what I was telling him, but there was no way he'd be able to manage it. Not without _all_ the pieces.

 _God, can I do this? Tell him the truth and risk losing even the possibility of having him in my life at all?_

But I didn't have a choice. If I had any love or respect for James, then he deserved to have answers. I only prayed he wouldn't hate me or look at me in disgust once all was said and done.

"So you met her then, but that was months ago. I don't get why you'd promised her you'd befriend me. Do you normally take on sad charity cases?"

"You're not a sad charity case." I said, my tone coming out a lot firmer than I intended. "And there are things you need to understand about the months you don't remember. About the time between your accident and the surgery."

"How would you know anything about those months?"

"Because I was there."

He startled. "What?"

"I was there." I let that information sink in a bit and said, "You spent...a lot of time with me."

James was shaking his head as he looked at me in disbelief. "I did?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He said, looking down at his clasped hands, and I could see the wheels turning as he processed what I was telling him. "Okay, so...I've been here before?"

"You have."

"Which is why I knew about the step. About the hallway."

"It is."

"Oh God." He said, then cracked a smile as his eyes welled with tears. "Then I'm not going crazy."

The fact that he'd even doubted himself for a minute racked me with guilt. "No. You're not."

He laughed and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "And the tacos? You made them for me? With your own seasoning?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Did I think they were as good as you bragged about last night?"

 _Shit._ "You didn't get a chance to try them."

"Why not? Did you burn 'em?"

I shook my head. "That was the night I took you to the hospital." As James' smile fell, I rubbed the back of my neck. "You were having headaches. Horrible headaches. It turned out to be something more serious than expected."

"Was that the night I had surgery for the bleeding?"

"Yes."

"So… you saved my life twice."

I didn't answer, letting his deduction linger in the air as a confirmation. Lost in thought, he traced circles on the arm of the chair, while I had to force my leg to stop bouncing up and down from anxiety.

James' fingers stopped moving, and his head shot up. "But...the bowling."

"You remember bowling?" I wondered what exactly had him looking scared shitless when that had been such a good night. In an attempt to lighten things, I said, "You were terrible. I'm assuming you remember the gutter balls."

He swallowed hard. "That's...not…" His chest began to move up and down at a rapid pace.

"Tell me." I said.

"Were we...friends?"

"Yes."

"Just...friends?" His breathing was coming so hard that I thought he was going to hyperventilate, but when I reached toward him to try and calm him down, he jerked away.

"James, just breathe. I'll explain everything, but I need you to calm down. Do you need a bag?"

"No, I don't need a bag." He snapped. "I need the truth. I remember"-his face pinched as he shut his eyes and took a deep breath-"I was jealous. Of a guy in a red shirt."

My heart beat wildly in my chest, as the memory of that night came hurtling back in vivid clarity.

"Why would I be jealous of a guy, Logan?"

"I didn't know you were jealous then."

" _Then_? What does that mean?"

"It means we became...close."

"Close? Like...best friends close?" He asked after a moment of silence.

I shook my head. "Not just best friends, no." James stared at me, and I couldn't tell if he wasn't comprehending, or if he was in shock. "Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"No." He whispered, but his face betrayed the lie.

"Do you remember anything else? About me? About us?"

"Us." He repeated, clenching his jaw. "No, I can't say I remember any 'us.' Is there something you'd like to fill me in on?"

I could already feel the tide turning, James' defensive walls going up even as he listened. The open mindset wasn't there though, which meant no matter what I said, this was not going to turn out well.

With a sickening sense of dread in my gut, I said, "Let me just say first that I've always had your best interests at heart, James. I swear to God. I would never do anything to hurt you or force you to do anything you don't want to do. I never have, and I never will."

"Right. Sure. So can we maybe skip to the part where there's an 'us'? Because I'd really love to hear what the fuck you say I chose to do while I was temporarily out of my head."

Fuck. He was upset. Confused. Alarmed. And so very angry. I'd thought about showing him the note I carried around from him in my pocket, but there was no way I was giving him that sacred piece of the puzzle tonight. Not when he was like this.

"I care about you, James. And for a while there...you cared about me too. That's all that matters."

His nostrils flared as he stared at me, his jaw clamped shut so tight that I thought he might break a molar. When he spoke again, it was through clenched teeth. "I don't believe you."

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say, because there wasn't anything. He could choose to believe me or not, but something told me he already knew the truth and just didn't want to face it. It was a hell of a lot to take in, I knew that, and so I kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to refute his words. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how much our time together had changed my life. I wanted him to remember the days he spent laughing with me and the nights he'd spent in my bed.

More than anything, I wanted him to know _us_ again. To remember the song he played just for me, and to feel him touch me again just because he wanted to be close. But I was already pushing my luck. I'd never expected to be having this conversation with James, and the fact that he'd remembered anything at all about our time together was a gift, even if it didn't exactly feel like one at the moment.

"You're trying to tell me you were my…" He trailed off, unable to say the word.

"Boyfriend?" I suggested. "Lover?"

His eyes widened, and he jumped to his feet. "This is insane. _You're_ insane. I don't think it's me that's lost my mind here." He stumbled past the coffee table, tripping on the rug in his haste to leave.

"James, please don't go. Just...stay so we can talk this out-"

"Pretty sure we're done with this conversation."

"James..." I followed him down the hallway and caught up with him as he swung open the door. "Wait, please."

He spun around and held his hand out, and if looks could kill, his eyes would've cut me in two. "Get away from me. I don't want you coming any closer. And I don't want you to follow me. I mean it. Just leave me alone."

"You know me. I'm not the bad guy here. Just let me explain-"

"No." He said, shaking his head. "You're wrong. I don't know you. I don't even know myself anymore. And more than that, I don't think I want to."

Then he backed away before turning and running out of my house. Out of my life. And this time, I had a feeling it was for good.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah...that just happened...**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter probably won't be up until this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert! :)**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a special thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _The wind blew a soft breeze across my skin where I lay on a blanket in the thick grass, my legs stretched out and my head in Logan's lap. He'd wanted to work on some things around the house, small fixes or painting the shutters or something, but I wasn't really letting him get much done today._

" _Truth or dare?" I asked, and Logan's hand stilled where he'd been running his fingers through my hair._

" _Really?"_

" _Yes, really. Truth or dare?"_

" _I'm a little scared of what you'd make me do if I chose dare, so...truth."_

" _Truth it is." I said, and chewed on my lip as I thought of a question. "Okay, got it. Have you ever been in love?"_

 _He raised a brow. "That's a loaded question."_

" _I'm just curious."_

" _What if you don't like the answer?"_

" _Logan…"_

" _Fine." He sighed and looked out across the yard as his fingers began to move through my hair again. "Once, a long time ago, I thought I was in love."_

" _You 'thought'? Why do I hear a 'but' in there?"_

" _I'm pretty sure now that it was simply infatuation. Or maybe love on a smaller scale. Like loving the person, but not being_ in _love with them."_

" _How do you know the difference?"_

 _He looked down at me. "Because when someone else comes along and blows away every dream and expectation you ever had, no one else means a damn thing. Past, present, or future."_

 _Mt heart swelled to bursting as I asked, "Do you think you could love someone like me?"_

 _He smiled and pushed my hair off my forehead. "Yes. I do."_

 _The unspoken words hovered in the air, but I held back from saying them, instead sitting up and pushing Logan to the ground. He let out a surprised laugh as I straddled his hips._

" _Is there something you want?" He asked, a teasing smile on his lips._

 _My erection strained against my jeans as I leaned over him, grinding myself over the top of him as his cock swelled in response to mine. "Mhmm." I said as I bit down gently on his lower lip._

" _Tell me." He murmured against my mouth._

" _I think you know."_

 _He pulled his head back, and I fell into his warm gaze. "Tell me anyway."_

" _I want you, Logan." I brushed a kiss across his lips and whispered, "I'll always want you."_

I woke up with a jolt, panting as I sat straight up in my bed. Sweat trickled down my neck as I brought my fingers to my mouth, the feel of Logan's lips still velvety soft on mine. My dick jerked under the flimsy material of my briefs, my body responding favorably to the memory. Because that's what it was, wasn't it? A memory. Not a dream. Not a hallucination. A fucking memory.

I'd been with Logan. I'd _been_ with Logan. _Logan_. No matter how I tried to say it, I couldn't wrap my brain around what I knew now to be true. All I'd done for the past seventy-two hours was lie here and try to filter through the chunks and fragments I remembered to try and make sense of things. Well, I'd alternated between the bed and the couch, and at one point I ordered a pizza so I wouldn't have to venture out anywhere or starve, but other than that, the only thing that really moved was my mind.

My thoughts shuffled between things making sense but not making sense. The fact that I wasn't going crazy was a relief, but it was such a shock to my system that I'd apparently fallen for a guy. I hadn't seen that part coming, and my family sure as hell hadn't dropped any hints that they'd known. _Had_ they known? Or had I hidden him away completely? But Logan said he spoke with my mother, that she'd come to him recently, which led me to believe she knew something. She had to. Had she approved? Had my father? _God, this is too surreal for words_ , I thought as I put my head in my hands.

And then there'd been the memories of the time I'd spent with Logan. They were no longer showing up as just bits of platonic scenes, but as part of something deeper, a relationship that hadn't at all been one-sided. If anything, it was almost as if _I'd_ been the one to pursue _him_ , which at first made me wonder how hard I'd hit my head, but the more I thought about it, the more I could almost begin to understand the appeal.

After all, in my interactions with him since the day he'd walked into my classroom had proven that he was a caretaker at heart, someone who could be depended on in a crisis or even day to day. He didn't take himself too seriously, as his piano skills and self-deprecating jokes showed, and there was something just _good_ about him. Plus, he wasn't bad looking. Not that I'd ever noticed a guy's looks before. All in all, looking at it objectively-which meant when I wasn't downing a Crown and Coke-he could be considered a catch for anyone. Anyone in the world, and somehow he'd chosen me. Or I'd chosen him.

Logan...and me. Together. Like... _together_ together. _Fuck_.

Oh, and I couldn't forget that he'd lied. Lied by omission, which was still lying. Coming around, getting to know me as if we were strangers, when the whole time he knew exactly how to play me. Showing up at the Music Junction had to have been my mother's idea, because Logan wouldn't have known about my last-minute fill-in otherwise. Which meant he also knew I didn't drive and would need a ride. _But he knew exactly how to help you when you came across the accident and freaked the hell out._

"Shut up." I said. "Just shut up."

Ripping off the sheet, I tumbled out of bed and filled a glass with water. I chugged the entire thing down in one go and then wiped the sweat off my forehead. I had to stop obsessing over this, or I was going to go crazy. If I hadn't already.

An insistent knock sounded at my front door. I hadn't ordered more food, and no one had called at the gate, which meant it could only be one of two people, and I really wasn't in the mood for lectures.

I swung open the door and leaned against it as my mom lowered her arm. Even on a Saturday in the middle of summer, she looked the part of a prim school teacher.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You haven't answered my calls or returned messages. I needed to make sure you were alive in here." She lifted an eyebrow as her assessing gaze took in my bare chest and boxer briefs and what I knew had to be disheveled hair, since I hadn't done anything with it in three days. "You look awful."

"Thank you. I've been better." I muttered as I scratched the stubble on my jaw, which wasn't quite as prickly now, given that I hadn't bothered with a razor lately either.

Her smile was hesitant. "May I come in?"

I held the door open, and she walked inside, looking around at discarded pizza boxes and plates on the counter, and the almost-empty bottle of Crown.

"Good to see you're staying hydrated." She said sarcastically as she eyed the liquor and continued on to the living room while I grabbed a shirt and shorts from my room and threw them on. I let her comment pass, not caring one way or another if she knew I'd been self-medicating. She placed her purse on the coffee table and cleared off a space to sit, folding the rumpled blanket neatly before placing it over the back of the couch.

"Make yourself at home." I muttered, flopping onto the other sofa and rubbing my eyes.

"Do you mind telling me what's going on with you, James?"

"Actually, I do mind."

"It wasn't a suggestion."

I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest. "Well, what isn't going on with my nowadays? Hmm. For starters, I don't remember the last time I played the piano, and I'm really feeling the need to bang on some keys right about now."

"Then why don't you?"

With my eyebrows raised, I looked around the room. "Do you see one anywhere?"

"No, but-"

"Is there one over at your place I've somehow missed on my visits?"

"Well, no-"

"That's right." I said, slapping my knee. "Because you and Dad got rid of the piano." God, I sounded like an asshole, but I couldn't stop myself. It seemed like if I had to be miserable, so did every-fucking-one else. They were all going down with me. "Huh. Now why would you do a thing like that?"

Mom blinked at me like I'd lost my mind, and maybe I had. Then her shoulders lifted. "From what I remember, you moved out, and your father wanted room for his desk."

"Ahh. And when you chose this place, did you know about the noise ordinance before or after?"

"What do you mean?"

"My piano, Mom. You know, my passion, my life. The thing I love that I conveniently can't have here?"

"What?" She said. "Do you think we chose this place to keep you from playing?"

"I don't know. Did you?"

"That's ridiculous. How could you think I'd take away something so important to you? Do you really think I'm that malicious?"

"I wouldn't have thought so, no. But I can't help but wonder. I mean, you guys never agreed with my career. You wanted me back here near you and following in your line of work. Maybe you thought I'd forget."

"I wasn't even thinking, James. Your father and I thought this would be a nice place for you, gated and with great views. I promise it didn't even cross my mind that you couldn't bring your piano along. And then with you teaching music at the school and having access to several there… I'm so sorry. It honestly didn't cross my mind."

I could only stare at her, the woman who had been my rock for my whole life. The woman who would do anything for anyone and didn't have a mean bone in her body. I knew she hadn't purposely intended to hurt me. I knew it'd been an accident, but I still felt the need to blame someone for all the fuck-ups happening in my life. And truthfully, now that I'd said my piece, I found the anger dissipating like an early morning fog, and in its place...the guilt from lashing out. God, I'd been such an ass lately. _What's wrong with me?_

Sighing, I ran a hand over my hair. "I know, Mom. I don't mean to take out my frustration on you."

"Oh, James." She said softly, scooting to the edge of the couch to rub my arm. "I won't pretend to know what's happening to you right now. I know you're confused and upset and taking it out on those closest to you. I know that, and I can handle it. So if you need to vent and yell, I understand. If you want to talk, I'm here. If you have questions, I'll try to help you answer them as best I can. Things _will_ get easier, sweetie. Please believe that."

I wawnted to believe she was telling the truth, that she was all-powerful and could see months and years into the future to know it would all turn out okay.

"If you'd like, why don't you get dressed and we can go and pick out a new piano? The desk has become nothing but a clutter magnet anyway." She squeezed my arm. "I'm so sorry, James. I just assumed since Logan bought one for you to play, that you'd-"

I flinched and pulled away from her. "He did what?"

She seemed to realize her mistake as soon as she said it. "Oh. Oh dear."

"He bought me a piano?"

"Well, I...I didn't realize he had until recently, and-" She stopped and then said a word I hadn't ever heard come out of her mouth. "Shit."

My eyes widened. "Did you just say 'shit'?"

"No." She said, the look on her face a mixture of mortification and embarrassment. "Of course not."

A snort of laughter left me then, because holy fuck...my proper, kind mother had cursed, which meant hell must've frozen over.

"It's not funny." She said, covering her face when I laughed harder. "Don't tell your father."

"It's just a word, Mom. I don't think it means you've cursed your soul for all eternity." As she continued to shake her head, I rolled the words she'd uttered around in my head. _I just assumed since Logan bought one for you to play…_

He bought me a _piano_?

"Did you…" I stared.

"Yes?"

"Did you know about me and...Logan?"

She looked me in the eye and said, "We never talked about it, but yes. I knew."

"How?"

"Call it mother's intuition. You spent a lot of time with him after your accident. You told me he was someone who felt familiar to you, and...I noticed you smiled a lot more when he was in the picture."

I swore my heart skipped a few beats as I listened to what she was telling me. She knew. She'd _known_. And somehow, she wasn't judging me at all. My world tilted on its axis.

"Did Dad know?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter-"

"Did Dad know, Mom?"

"No. No, I never said anything."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't important." She said firmly. "You were happy. That's all that ever matters. That you're safe and you're happy."

"But-"

"No buts, James. Why do you think I went to Logan to help you? It was because I've never seen you happier in your entire life than you were in those few weeks. I didn't need confirmation or details to know what had changed."

My mouth opened and shut a few times as I processed what she was saying. I'd been happy? Not only happy, but happier than I'd ever been in my _life_? With Logan? I thought about the memory from this morning, how the words _I love you_ had been on the tip of my tongue, the feeling so strong that it almost overwhelmed me. And the memory I'd awoken to yesterday, when he'd taken me to a place that looked like something out of The Wizard of Oz, and I'd had a strong feeling of an entirely different sort.

"You're saying you were okay with me being… being…" I gripped the back of my neck and looked up at the ceiling, as if that would have the answers I was looking for.

"With a guy?" Mom said, and my eyes met hers again. There was such love and acceptance in her gaze, and it made my heart constrict. "But Logan's not just any guy, is he?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

"He never left that waiting room after your surgery. Even when you woke up and had no idea who he was. He waited, and I don't think he ever gave up hope that you'd find your way back to him. Then you came home, and he called every single day to check on you. For over a month, like clockwork, until the doctor told us it was likely you may never remember the weeks you lost. At the time, I thought maybe it was best to focus on what was familiar to you. Surround you with the people you knew and loved before your accident." She shook her head. "But I was wrong to make him stay away. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I've apologized to Logan too."

My breaths came out shallow as I rested my head in my hands, trying to combine the worlds that warred in my brain. "I don't understand how this happened."

"Sometimes life takes unexpected turns and gives you a good wallop on the head to make you see things clearly. Oh, I didn't mean your accident, good grief. That was a bad choice of words."

I chuckled softly. "No offense taken."

"How do _you_ feel? Things are coming back to you now?"

"Mom, I… I don't know how to feel." I twisted my fingers together as I searched for what to say. "I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was having hallucinations, honest to God. I had no idea I was remembering things that really happened. And now that I know?" I shook my head. "I'm even more lost than I was before."

"Oh, baby." She said, and moved over to the couch beside me, holding me close as I held on to her like a life preserver. "I wish I could help you make sense of things. I wish I could make it easy."

"I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing to remember." I said, my voice muffled in her shirt.

"It doesn't have to be one or the other. This isn't something you have to rush to understand overnight. You have all the time in the world to figure out how you want to live your life and who the people are that you want in it."

"Do I?" I asked, straightening. "Have all the time in the world now?" I found that hard to believe after everything I'd gone through this year.

"Yes. I believe you really do. I think you've been given a fresh start. But don't keep carrying around all this heavy weight and guilt. Don't drown your mind in alcohol and shut yourself away in here. That's not you, and that's never been you."

My gaze drifted over to the littered countertop. "I know. You're right."

"And hey? If you want a piano, we'll get one. If you decide teaching isn't for you and you want to try something else, then do it. I won't try to know what's best for you anymore, James, because I'm getting it wrong at every turn. Only you can figure out what you need to make you happy."

I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear those words from her, but they soothed some of the ache in my soul that had been taking a beating since I'd moved back home, a failure with my tail between my legs. I wasn't the same person I'd been back then, only a year ago. But the problem was that I had no idea who the hell I was now. Staying in my apartment for three days hadn't given me any answers, and it never would.

"Mom, I...I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." I admitted. "About Logan."

She brushed my hair off my forehead in a tender gesture. "I know you're confused. I know this doesn't make sense to you. And I know that Logan expects nothing from you. He's not that kind of person. Whether you can find the connection the two of you once shared is entirely up to you, but no matter what, I know that he will be there for you regardless of what you decide. He could be the best friend you'll ever have." When she blinked, a tear fell down her cheek, and she smiled at me and cupped my face. "And I think you need that, James. I really do."

* * *

 **Done! So we got some of James coming to terms with everything this chapter, as well as a talk between him and his mom!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **You won't have to wait too long for the next chapter. I'm not exactly sure when it'll be up, but it'll for sure be up within the next few days.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and TheLoganTrain for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James wasn't at the Music Junction on Sunday for the piano class. I'd debated whether to go at all, but after deliberating for all of five seconds, I'd decided I wasn't letting him or anyone else scare me away this time. He'd told me before his surgery to fight for him, for us, and that was what I planned to do. I'd be there for him, through all of the confusion, all of his anger. Because the fact was that James remembered me. Not everything, not nearly everything, but he knew who I was to him now. Or who I'd been. And though our fate rested solely in his hands, I would do everything in my power to tip the scales and give us another chance.

But as I lifted the edge of the paper on the classroom door that indicated the lesson had been canceled for the day due to sickness, I sighed. James sure wasn't making this easy, was he?

As I got back in my car, I weighed my options. I could go by his place to check on him, see if he really was sick or avoiding me. I could drive over to his parent's place. Or I could call him and see if he needed any chicken soup.

Going with option number three, I scrolled down to James' number and pressed the call button, and then I pulled out of the parking lot. A few seconds later, his voicemail picked up, and I hit _end_ instead of leaving a message.

I hadn't actually expected him to answer, not after the way he'd left my place a few days ago. I was hoping giving him time to cool off and deal with what he'd learned was the smart thing to do, but I had no idea how to play this. I wasn't ready to lose James again, not now, not ever, but I didn't want to come on too strong and scare him off either.

 _I'll wait_ , I decided, heading toward my house instead of stopping by unannounced at either of his probable destinations. Maybe I'd check in with his mom later, feel her out on his mindset and go from there.

 _Jesus, it's hot,_ I thought before flipping the air up as the afternoon sun fried me on all sides. In my attempt to look nice for James, I'd worn a dress shirt with a pair of pressed slacks, but now the clothes felt stifling, and I unbuttoned the collar, finally able to breathe. I was more than ready to get into some worn jeans and a damn t-shirt.

As I pulled into my neighborhood, "Love Bites" by Def Leppard came on, and I turned the volume up to deafening as I sang along. God, the chorus was accurate right about now. Love did fucking bleed and bring you to your knees, didn't it? I was in the middle of belting a high note as I reached my house when my voice faltered at the sight in front of me.

James was sitting on my porch.

My mouth clamped shut as I switched off the radio. _Well I'll be damned._

When he saw me pull in, he stood up, dusting his shorts off. I don't think I'd ever seen him so casual, but a black tank top, shorts, and flip-flops definitely worked for him. Fucking hell, he was gorgeous, no matter what he wore. Or didn't wear. _Don't think about that, for fuck's sake._ I kept my sunglasses on as I got out of the car, not wanting him to read too much into whatever look I threw his way, because I wasn't sure what he'd see. Longing? Desire? Hurt? A combination of the three?

"Hi." I said when I walked up, keeping things light as I came to a stop in front of him and assessed his mood. "Missed you at class today? You contagious?"

"Am I what?"

"The note on the door said you were sick."

"Oh. I lied. I'm taking a mental health day." He said, tapping his temple before inclining his head toward the door. "Can we talk?"

"Sure."

He followed me inside, and I willed my hands not to shake, but fuck I was nervous. I didn't know if it was a good thing he was here or not, or whether this visit would lead somewhere good or somewhere I'd rather not think about. As we entered the living room, I tossed my keys on the coffee table, and when I turned around, James regarded my outfit.

"You look"-he seemed to struggle for the word-"nice."

"Thank you." I said, surprised, but trying not to read too much into the fact that he'd noticed what I was wearing or that he thought I looked 'nice.' "Actually, it's a little warm, so I was gonna change into something a little more comfortable. Can you gimme a sec?"

"Sure." He stood in the middle of the living room, not making a move to sit down, so I gestured around.

"Make yourself at home. Wherever."

I changed quickly, and when I came back out, the door leading out onto the screened-in porch in the backyard was open, and I filled a couple of glasses with iced water before heading out to join James there. Without the sun shining down and with the fans going, it wasn't too bad, and I was actually glad he'd decided to come out here. It suddenly felt too claustrophobic inside.

"Thanks." He said, taking the glass I offered.

I settled into one of the chairs across from him, set my glass on the table beside me, and waited for him to make the first move.

"Thanks for not slamming the door in my face. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had."

"Slamming doors isn't really my style."

"No, of course not." He shifted in his seat, crossing his ankles and then uncrossing them. "Logan, I want to apologize for my behavior the other day. To say I was shocked might be the understatement of the year, and I reacted badly. I know I probably said some things that hurt you, and for that I'm so sorry." He twisted his fingers in his lap. "I've been an asshole. Not just to you, but to everyone. That's not me, it's never been me, and I don't want to be that way anymore."

"I'd say that's the first step to recovery."

A hint of a smile lifted his lips. "I'm not going to run or freak out. Well...I may still freak out, I don't know. But I want to understand."

I could read between those lines. He wanted to understand me. Maybe even us. If he couldn't hear the way my heart pounded, I would've been shocked.

"Okay." I managed to say. "I accept your apology."

His shoulders sagged in relief. "Good. That's good."

We fell into silence, with only the whir of the fans and the distant yells and laughing of neighborhood children playing to fill the space between us. I knew there was more weighing on his mind, but I was content to sit there with him as long as he needed.

Eventually, he spoke. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me lots of questions."

"I gravitated toward you because you were familiar to me. That's what my mom said."

"You told me the same."

"I did?"

I nodded.

"But…" His forehead wrinkled. "I'm not sure I follow. How can someone I never met be familiar?"

"Well, we saw each other at Gustavo's."

"That's it? You were familiar because I passed you getting coffee every morning?"

"That and, you know, pulling you out of a wrecked car. You were coherent enough after your accident that you remembered me."

James reared back in his chair. "Oh. I see." He drummed his fingers along the edge of the armrest. "Did I ever thank you for that? For saving me that day?"

I smiled. "You have. Many times."

"Right. Good. At least I never forgot my manners, huh?" He joked. I decided to go along with it, ease the nerves I could see manifesting in his movements.

"Yes, you were always very polite, even when you invited yourself along when I'd go for a run."

His eyes went wide. "No, I did not."

"You did." I said, chuckling.

"Oh my God." He groaned and covered his face. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. I wanted you around. Trust me."

"But that sounds like pest behavior. Are you sure you weren't just feeling sorry for me?"

"Definitely not." I said as he lifted his head. "I was flattered by your attention. I wanted more of it."

James took a deep breath and bit down on his bottom lip, and I wondered if I'd gone too far. Was I supposed to remind him of my affection for him? Keep it friendly? There wasn't a guidebook to steer me in the right direction of 'how not to scare off your brain-injured exes' so I was winging it the best I could.

"I've been thinking." He said slowly. "I'd like to get to know you, Logan. Again. If you'll let me."

I had to look down as the sting behind my eyes made it clear tears were well on their way, and I thought for a minute I'd need a defibrillator to jolt my heart back into beating. I never thought I'd hear those words from him. I never thought he'd be sitting across from me, ready and willing to open himself up again, and even though he still seemed hesitant and a bit shy, the fact that he was here and willing to try meant everything.

"Logan, I can't...promise anything-"

"Stop." I said, holding up my hand. "Just stop. I don't expect anything from you, James. I'm not here to force you into spending time with me if that's not what you want."

"Is that what _you_ want?"

I stared at him incredulously. "Of course it is."

"Okay. Well, I certainly know that the dreams I've been having about you mean you don't want to talk me out of it, so how about we just go with it for now?" He said, and my mouth fell open at his matter-of-fact tone. "Oh, and another thing. I'd like you to take me out driving."

My jaw dropped even further.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore, and what better person to be there if I have a panic attack than you, right?"

I was speechless. Utterly fucking speechless.

"So if it's all right with you, maybe you can help me one night this week after work?" He said. It must've occurred to him then that I hadn't agreed yet, because he frowned. "Have I shocked you mute? Nod once if you understand."

I nodded once.

"Okay, nod twice if you'll take me driving and play whatever song you were jamming out to when you pulled in today."

 _Oh shit._ I'd been busted. I nodded twice.

A smile crossed James' face then, the first real one I'd seen since he sat down, and it reminded me so much of the way he'd smiled at me before that it was like a physical tug on my heart. He scooted to the edge of his seat and held his hand out to shake mine. His long fingers were cool from where they'd been wrapped around the glass, a welcome relief from my always-scorching palms.

"Well, Logan," He said. "It looks like we have a deal."

* * *

 **Done! So, slightly shorter chapter than usual, but James and Logan are finally on their way to fixing things!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Not quite sure when the next chapter will be up just yet, but I promise you won't have to wait too long for it. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Hello again everyone! A bit of a surprise update!**

 **Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, and TheLoganTrain for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It had been a restless night, and an even more restless day. Ever since I'd left Logan's house after our talk the evening before, I'd been barraged with memories of him, like my mind was having a picture show with no intermission in sight. It was as if when I'd finally given myself permission to understand and explore a possible friendship with Logan, my brain let loose, like water bursting through a dam after a long shutdown.

And with the memories came the feelings I'd associated with them as they'd happened, and that was the part I was desperately trying to work through. All the feelings of longing, of lust, and even the other L-word I couldn't begin to brings myself to think about just yet. It all hit me full force while lying in bed, while in the shower, while making lunch. I'd given up trying to drown it out with TV, because what did you need a television for when your mind was a twenty-four-seven Netflix binge?

It was nuts. Fucking nuts. And it wouldn't go away.

After a long, hot shower, I threw on the first shirt I saw in my closet, but after glancing in the mirror, I ripped it off and tried another. And then another. Tonight Logan would be picking me up after he got off work, which meant I'd had a long day to stress about seeing him again, and I didn't want to look too dressed up, like I was trying too hard. Shorts would be too casual, so those were out… maybe jeans? Ten shirts later, I finally settled on a deep ruby one and then stepped into the bathroom to shave. But as I lifted the razor, my mind drifted.

" _I like this." Logan said, running his thumb along the edge of my five o'clock shadow._

" _Do you?" I'd meant to shave that morning, but I'd been in a rush to see him and it slipped my mind. "So I should keep it?"_

" _You look hot as fuck either way. But this"-he leaned in and brushed his cheek against mine-"would feel so damn good against my thighs…"_

 _Holy fuck._ My heart thudded at the memory...and I put the razor down.

True to his word, Logan was waiting in the parking lot of my apartment complex at six p.m. on the dot, and as I walked out of my place and caught sight of him below, the apprehension I'd been feeling all day about seeing him again disappeared.

He was leaned against the hood of his car, his arms crossed over his chest, the black t-shirt he wore fitting him like a glove. His hair looked shinier than usual, but as I came down the stairs and got a better view, I realized that was because it was wet, like he'd come straight over after a shower. The effect was...well, unnerving, if the way my stomach flipped was any indication.

"Hey there." He said, pushing off the hood and giving me a crooked grin. I wasn't sure whether I should give him a hug or shake his hand or fist-bump or whatever it was we were supposed to do to greet each other, so I came to a stop in front of him and waited to see what he'd do. Like he sensed my uncertainty, he shoved his hands in his pockets, giving me an out I wasn't sure I wanted.

"Hey. Just get off work?" I asked. _Duh, of course he did. You already knew that._

"Yeah." He said, ducking his head and running his hand through the damp strands like he was self-conscious he hadn't had a chance to dry them. I wanted to tell him he didn't need to be, because wet was a good look for him, but maybe that wasn't the best way to start off the conversation.

"So...how was your day?" I asked.

"It was a little rough. Much better now."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said, and then shook my head. "I mean the rough part, not the better now part."

He chuckled and rocked back on his heels. "I know what you meant."

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_ My stomach felt like a hundred goddamn butterflies had been unleashed since I'd come down the stairs. It was just Logan, for God's sake. There wasn't any reason to be nervous. He was the same guy I'd seen yesterday, the same one I'd had dinner and drinks with last week with Kendall and Jo. But somehow he looked different to me, and I couldn't put my finger on why.

"I thought we'd take it slow tonight. Start you off on back roads and see how you do." He said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, back roads are great. Good plan."

"Cool. So,"-he held up a set of keys-"you wanna do the honors?"

I stared at the keys for a second. "Ohh. You meant you want me to start us out from here. My bad." _Hello, a little slow on the uptake there, James._

"Unless you'd prefer I take us out first and then switch?"

"Nope, I got this." I said, feigning confidence. I'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of Logan all night and day that it had barely even occurred to me that I'd be driving for the first time since my accident all those months ago. That only made my nerves rev up a few hundred notches. No big deal. "Hand 'em on over."

He placed the keys in my open palm, and as his skin grazed mine...there it was. That spark that shocked me when we touched, and this time, I could see he felt it too, because he jerked at the same time. I gulped and pulled my hand away.

"I guess we should…" I gestured to the car, and he nodded.

"Yeah, we should."

As I climbed into the driver's seat, I wondered if I'd ever been so on edge in my life, and it had everything to do with the man sliding in beside me. I tried not to focus on how close we were in such a small space, but that was easier said than done with the smell of his cologne filling my nose. I'd smelled it on him before, but never thought twice about it, and now all I could think about was what kind it was and where exactly he'd sprayed it.

 _Focus, James. Jesus._

I buckled myself in and adjusted the mirrors, and then I sat with my hands at ten and two, giving myself a quick _don't freak the fuck out_ talk.

"Are you ready for this?" Logan asked, and I leaned back against the headrest and looked at him. His eyes were so intense, seeing right through my anxiety, and the compassion I found in their depths helped set my mind at ease.

My stuttering heart, however, was a different story.

"Um." I shifted in my seat. "Is it weird that I'm nervous?" _And not just about the driving._

"Not at all. Take your time. There's no rush."

I blew out a breath and wiped my hands on my pants. Then I adjusted the mirrors again, made sure my seat was comfortably positioned. Basically, I was procrastinating. Out of the corner of my eye, Logan took his sunglasses off from where they'd been hanging on his shirt, but as he unfolded them, I blurted out, "Don't put those on."

His hand halted. "Why not?"

"Because then I can't see your eyes."

Logan stared at me for a long moment, and without a word, he folded the glasses and put them in the glove compartment.

"Okay." I said, cranking the car. "Here we go."

I took it slow through the parking lot, getting used to the feel of the vehicle, tapping the brakes to see how much give they had. As we came out of the gated complex, I stopped before the main road.

"Let's make a left here, and then we'll go up Harris and make a wide loop." He said.

"Sounds good to me." I flipped on the blinker and waited for several cars to pass before I made the turn. Logan sat patiently next to me, letting me take my time instead of pointing out all of the missed opportunities I had to pull out.

In that respect, he was the perfect person to take me back on the road, and I was grateful in that moment that I hadn't been a stubborn asshole and stayed cooped up in my apartment.

 _Thanks, Mom._

The five o'clock traffic had simmered down, and the way we were going meant there wouldn't be many other cars around anyway. Sitting behind the wheel again didn't feel as strange as I thought it would, and I was surprised to find that having Logan with me took my mind off focusing on the what-ifs, off focusing on the possibility of another truck T-boning me.

It was so quiet, which was never a good thing when I had my crazy thoughts to occupy me, so I said, "Did you want to turn on the radio?"

"Nah, we probably don't need the distraction."

 _Yeah, you're enough of a distraction._ "Damn. I was so hoping to get a glimpse of karaoke Logan."

"Oh God." He laughed. "Unless I'm alone in the car, it'll take me about ten margaritas before you catch an earful of me singing."

"Say it isn't so."

"It's so all right. It's not just words I butcher. I think I'm as bad at singing as I am at the piano."

"Yikes." I said, pretending to cringe. "That's a little scary."

"Hey, isn't that against some kind of teacher handbook to tell a student they suck?"

"I never said you sucked. I said you were scary."

Logan shook his head. "I blame the teacher, then. After one class, I should be a goddamn prodigy. I want my money back."

With a laugh, I flipped down the visor to block the sun from blinding me and wondered at how surprised I was by how easy it was to just be with him. I didn't feel any pressure or tension coming from his direction. Instead, I simply enjoyed his company. But I wanted to know more. I wanted to know about the day-to-day Logan, and I wanted him to know he could talk to me if he needed to. That was part of this whole _getting to know you again_ thing, wasn't it?

"Why was it a rough day at work?" I asked.

"Nah, you don't wanna hear about that."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

He bit down on his lip for a moment and then nodded. "Sometimes it's just a hard job. No two days are ever the same, which I like, but you never know what you're walking into when you get a call." He looked out the passenger window. "Not everyone has a happy ending."

My heart lurched at the sadness in his tone. "I don't know how you do it. How you don't carry all that home with you."

"Oh, but I do." He said. "Most of the people I work with, they've got kids or partners to come home to. I don't really have any diversions to keep my mind from replaying what I call the 'could've-should'ves'. I think a lot about the patients that come through, about how they're faring or what I could've done differently. It all weighs on me a bit." He gave me a tight smile. "And now I bet you're thinking that's too heavy of an answer."

"No. I was thinking it takes a special person to be able to handle a job like yours."

His smile grew a little bigger. "I appreciate you saying that."

"It's the truth. I could never do a job where people's lives were in my hands."

"You'd be surprised what you find you can do that you never imagined. I mean, look at you and all you've been through. It hasn't been easy, but you're trying. Right? And I bet it would've seemed impossible before. Thriving and driving." He said, chuckling.

Thriving and driving was right. It hadn't been nearly as scary as I thought it would be. The drive had been a smooth one, exactly like riding a bike for the first time after a long winter. I wasn't as rusty as I thought, and that had me feeling brave.

"Logan? I think...I'd like to go back." I said.

"No problem. I can take you back if you want. Just pull over when it's clear." He said, reaching down to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"No, I mean...back to where it happened."

"Oh." Logan said, his eyebrows lifted. "Are you sure?"

"I'd rather face it for the first time with you than on my own." I glanced at him. "Is that okay?"

"It's more than okay." He said. His vote of confidence made me smile, and I turned us around in the direction of downtown.

But the closer we got to where it'd all gone down, the more my self-assurance faded. By the time I turned on the street that the intersection was located, my hands were full-on trembling.

"You're doing great, James." He said, his encouragement exactly the thing I needed to hear as we neared the intersection where I'd been blindsided by a truck that January morning.

The light was red as we approached the intersection, and I slowed to a stop, my hands clenched tightly around the wheel. Neither of us spoke as we sat there, waiting for the light to change. When it turned green, I stayed where I was for another few seconds, looking on all sides for anyone who'd decided to disregard their red light. Then I cautiously proceeded right over where my car had been hit, and as soon as I passed it, I let out the breath I'd been holding.

"You did it." Logan said, grinning at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. It may have seemed like such a small step to anyone else, but to me, I'd just faced one of my biggest fears head-on, and the relief I felt was enormous. I figured I would have to work my way up to driving down here, but I'd done it. I'd actually freaking done it. And even thought it would be a while before I was one hundred percent comfortable driving again, at least I didn't have to be afraid of having a panic attack on the road anymore.

"Fuck." I said, my heart still pounding as I pulled the car into a bank parking lot and put it in park.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I am. That was kind of a rush." I reached for the air conditioning dial at the same time Logan did, and when his arm brushed against mine, goosebumps skated across my skin. But this time I didn't flinch. He noticed.

After turning the AC up a bit higher, he leaned back in his seat, turning slightly to face me. And then, like he was testing out the waters, he said, "I like the red on you."

Looked like my time spent getting ready hadn't been a waste, after all, especially when Logan's gaze settled on the line of my jaw. Without him even touching me, I shivered, wondering if the memory that had made me put my razor away was the same one that had his tongue running along his lower lip now.

"I don't know what you have planned," He said, his eyes flicking up to mine. "but I'm having to use some of my vacation time this week before it expires, so let me know if you want to do this again."

The time he'd taken me up to one of his favorite spots crossed my mind, and it gave me an idea. "Does that mean you're free all day tomorrow?"

"If you want me to be."

"I want you to be."

"Then I'm all yours."

"Good." My cheeks heated under his potent stare. I was blushing. The man had reduced me to blushing.

When Logan spoke again, his voice was deep and full of gravel. "Do you want to keep going?" He asked, and it didn't take a genius to know he wanted me to read between the lines. _Do you want to keep going with_ me _?_

"Yes." I said. "I definitely do."

* * *

 **Done! So James and Logan are getting closer, and it looks like James has something planned.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter, you'll get to find out what James' idea is. That'll be up sometime this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It feels like it's been forever since I've updated this story!**

 **Before we started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Should I be worried about where you're taking me?" I asked the next morning as I pushed a wayward branch out of my way and continued up the secluded dirt path leading up an unmarked hill about an hour away from civilization.

"Definitely. I think that head bump turned me into a serial killer." James looked over his shoulder at me and grinned, and I quickly forced my eyes away from where I'd been staring at his ass. If he didn't want me to look, he wouldn't make me follow him, that was my way of thinking. Hiking up a secluded trail was giving me a prime view, especially with the shorts he wore showing off his leanly muscled legs. It was impossible for me not to think about those legs wrapped around me, which was making my shorts tighten around my hips, not exactly comfortable for a hike.

 _Stop thinking about him naked_ , I reminded my dick. _This is a friendly day out, that's all._ Even if the tension in the car on the way up hadn't exactly been what I would _friendly_. Not with the looks James had been throwing my way when he thought I wasn't looking.

"We're almost there." He said, then stopped and held his finger to his lips. "Listen." Without our footsteps crunching over fallen twigs, I could hear the sound of rushing water.

"A waterfall?" I asked. "Is that where we're going?"

James zipped his lips and started walking again. The sound grew louder as we traipsed along, and a few minutes later, we were rewarded with one hell of a gorgeous view.

"Wow." That was all I could manage as I gazed up at the towering falls that looked like water pouring out of the sky. Lush green trees and plants surrounded the rocky face, and at its base, mist rose to give the place an ethereal look. It was breathtaking.

"You like things off the beaten path, so I thought you might want to see this. I mean, if you haven't already." James chewed on his lip. "It doesn't have a yellow brick road, but…"

 _Holy shit. He remembers our trip up to the Hidden Land of Oz?_ "This is incredible." I said, tearing my eyes away from the falls, because even as beautiful as it was, it had nothing on James. "I can't believe you remembered."

"I'm starting to remember lots of things." He said, holding my gaze, which made me wonder if those 'other things' involved what happened at the end of that date.

As that thought entered my mind, I almost forgot how to breathe until he gave me a small smile and inclined his head. "Come on." He said, walking out onto the rocks that surrounded the pool of water at the base of the waterfall, and I followed.

"We're not, uh, gonna be diving from up there, are we?"

"Definitely not." He said. "The water's not very deep, maybe five feet or so. But one head injury is enough for me."

 _Thank you, Lord._ "What a shame. I wasn't nervous about jumping or anything."

"Of course not. Superman's not afraid of much, right?"

 _What did he just say? Did he call me_ Superman _?_

I swallowed. "Right."

James took off his backpack and took out an oversized towel, big enough for at least two or three people, and spread it out along a flat surface. Then he gestured around us. "Welcome to Diamond Falls."

"Is that really the name of it?"

"Nah. This is where my mom and dad would bring me and my brother on weekends in the summer sometimes. No one ever comes up here, so we thought it was a cool little hidden spot just for us."

James peeled off his shoes and socks, and then lifted his shirt up over his head, letting it fall down on top of the backpack. His lean body was perfection, not a blemish or marking anywhere, and I could still feel the way his abs felt beneath my fingertips. I didn't try to hide the way I watched him undress, that had always been my favorite part. Watching him slowly reveal himself or letting me do the honors.

It didn't escape my notice that after the compliment I'd given him about his red shirt yesterday that he'd chosen to wear a pair of red swim trunks. It made me want to pay him another compliment now, but I held my tongue as I toed off my shoes and socks and then stripped out of my shirt.

James' eyes trailed down my body, and I stood there unmoving, letting him look at me. It was almost shy the way he looked at me, like he wasn't sure he should but couldn't help himself. I wondered if he remembered me this way, remembered the way my body felt to him, and if it made him want to touch me again.

He backed into the water. "You coming in?"

"I'd love to, but I wish you had told me to bring swim trunks."

James stopped moving, and his forehead wrinkled. "I did. Didn't I? Shit." Then he visibly flushed. "You don't really need them, I suppose…"

Smirking, I enjoyed the way he tried to avert his eyes as I reached for the button of my shorts, but I caught him peeking as I lowered the zipper and then let the material fall to my feet.

James shook his head, a mixture of disappointment and relief on his face when my swim shorts came into view.

"That's not right and you know it." He said.

"I can take them off if you'd prefer?"

"No, don't do that." He quickly turned away to go deeper into the water, but not fast enough that I didn't see the way his shorts bulged in the front.

 _Damn._ The thought of me naked had turned him on. And that had me feeling empowered, to know that the attraction James had held for me seemed to be making a reappearance. It was almost enough to have me kicking the swim trunks too, but that might be pushing it for a first date. Wait, was it a date? It sure as hell felt like one.

I dipped my toe into the water, and was surprised to find that it wasn't freezing cold.

"I thought the water would be unbearable." I said, stepping into the shallow depths. "This isn't too bad, especially in this heat."

James swam out past his hips before turning around. "Now you see why we came up here."

"Mhmm. I'm surprised you wanted to share this place with an outsider."

"Well, you're not exactly a stranger, are you? And I knew you'd appreciate somewhere a bit hidden. Not so run over with tourists trying to take selfies and not actually seeing the beauty here at all."

"You've got me pegged, all right." I said, wincing as the water hit the edge of my shorts. "Okay, now it's cold."

"It's less painful if you dive under and get it over with."

"I don't see you in such a hurry to go under."

I barely got the words out before James ducked below the suface and emerged a few seconds later. Water dripped off him, his skin deliciously wet and glistening, and as he ran his hand through his hair, he grinned at me. "Your turn."

Not one to back away from a challenge, I dove underwater, swam over to where he was standing, and knocked him off his feet. He was sputtering out a laugh when I stood up, and then he slapped the surface, sending a spray of water toward my face. Before I could retaliate, he swam out toward the waterfall, and I trailed after him.

It was too loud to hear each other under the falls, so I closed my eyes and let the water beat down over me, washing away all the months of heartbreak and sadness, of anxiety and fear. All the things that had tortured me in my waking hours and again while I slept. The nightmare of James forgetting who I was, the reality that I would never be a part of his life when he woke up...I let all of that suffering pour out of me. I didn't need to be afraid anymore, my gut told me that.

The minute James had come over to apologize and open himself up to understanding us was the minute I knew all hope wasn't lost. And the more time we spent together, the more I could see the change in him. The way he looked at me had gone from disoriented to curiosity to interest. His body responded to mine in the smallest ways, the briefest of touches. The electric current that had always run through us had come back stronger than before. But this time, I didn't have any expectations. I was simply happy to just be with him.

When I opened my eyes, James was watching me through the curtain of water, and my dick instantly reacted. I stepped out of the falls to see his eyes dilate, and was that...hunger?

"You're"-he slowly shook his head-"really something else. I'm not sure what the right word is."

There was no way he couldn't hear the way my heart faltered for a few beats, but I tried to brush off what he was trying to tell me, because otherwise, I wasn't sure I could keep my hands away from him. "Persistent? Crazy? Bonkers?"

"Beautiful." He said, the word coming out shaky, but without an ounce of sarcasm or a trace of humor. He stood utterly still, memorizing every line of my face, my chest, my arms, and the craziest thing in that moment was that I believed him. The most striking man I'd ever seen thought _I_ was beautiful. He kept blowing me away at every turn.

"James, you can't keep looking at me that way."

His lips tipped up. "How am I looking at you?"

I let out a groan and swam back a bit. "Like you don't want to take things slow."

"So I can't look at you now, huh? Does that mean it's time for truth or dare instead, then? That's going slow, right?"

I snorted. "Not if our past history is anything to go by, it's not."

James dragged his lip between his teeth. "Hmm. I guess you're right about that."

Ahh, so he remembered our past conversation and the _after_ that came with it. That meant truth or dare was too dangerous a game to play until he knew for sure that something _more_ was what he wanted.

"Well, if you're in the mood to confess, there _is_ something I've been wondering about." I said.

"You already know what I look like naked."

With a groan, I plunged back under the water, and when I came back up, I said, "You are not making this easy on me."

James smiled, that knowing smile that said he knew exactly what he was doing and what effect he had on me, and if he'd only come a little bit closer, he would feel the evidence of my arousal. I needed to veer to another subject and fast.

"The first time I ever saw you, it was at Gustavo's and you wore this pin on your suit jacket. Like right here on the lapel." I said, running my fingers over the spot. "I never saw you wear it again, and I always wondered if it meant something to you."

"Damn. You really did notice me, huh?"

I rolled my eyes, but knew I sported a cheesy grin on my face. "Well, you don't see many guys wearing one."

"No, I guess you don't." He agreed as he dropped lower so that his shoulders were covered. "It belonged to my grandmother. She was obsessed with birds. She had about fifty birdhouses in her backyard, which was huge, at least a couple of acres. Every day she'd go out there and make sure the feeders were full and dry, and then she'd sit on her back porch and point out what kind they were to whoever was with her that day." His lips quirked up as a faraway look entered his eyes.

"Her favorite was the cardinal. She always said those birds were your passed loved ones coming to visit, so all the paintings inside featured them, and she swore my grandfather came to sit on her porch railing every day. He'd given her so much jewelry over the years, but her favorite thing to wear was the silver pair of cardinal wings he'd had engraved with their wedding date. She gave it to me before she passed away, and I always wear it for shows or for good luck. I'm guessing if you saw me wearing it, then it was my first day teaching."

"Yeah, you would've needed luck for that. Damn kids." I said, chuckling as a shiver racked my body.

"Cold?"

"A little. Isn't it supposed to warm up the more you swim?"

"Not this one. I think there's a fifteen-minute max. Kinda like a reverse hot tub."

After we got out of the water, we stretched out on the towel, side by side, soaking in the vitamin D as the sun dried us off. Even with room to spare around us, James had scooted close enough that our arms barely touched, and somehow, it was enough. Completely content, I felt myself drifting off into sleep slowly, as I thought about the man beside me. It was an absolutely perfect day. Not a cloud in the sky. No one else around. Nothing could've been better-

"Logan?"

"Hmm?"

"Am I still your Bluebird?"

-except for that. My eyes opened, spots dotting my vision as I pushed up onto my elbow. James stared up at me, his hand shielding the rays, and I found that I was… speechless.

His lips quirked at my stunned expression. "Nothing to say?"

I could only blink at him, and he chuckled. "I always liked that nickname. When I remembered the night at the bowling alley, I didn't understand what it meant, but then I heard your voice telling me to hold on, telling me how you came up with it. I couldn't see you, but I heard you."

Without thinking, I put my hand on the side of his neck and ran my thumb over his lower lip. "You will always be my Bluebird." I felt his chest hitch as I leaned in and pressed a kiss against his forehead. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Fully dried off now, and with the sexual tension creeping back up, I knew if I lay there anymore, I was liable to take this much further than it needed to go, and he wasn't ready for that.

"I think I'm gonna go cool off." I said, getting to my feet, and I didn't bother trying to hide the hard-on I knew was on prominent display. He knew how I felt about him, just as he knew I would never push him to do anything he wasn't ready for.

The water felt even colder after having sat in the sun for a few minutes, but I hadn't gotten past my shins when I heard James behind me.

"Logan?"

I turned around to see him standing at the edge of the towel. "Yeah?"

He took a few steps forward, his stride purposeful and his hands coming up like he was going to reach out for me, but at the last second, he hesitated and dropped his arms by his sides.

There were one of two things I could do. One, I could pretend I hadn't noticed what he'd been about to do, or two, I could say fuck it and go for it. After all, James wasn't looking at me with indecision. No, he was looking at me like he was dying to make the first move but couldn't figure out how to do it, and that was what made my decision for me. I fucking went for it.

I reached for him, my hands going to either side of his neck to bring his mouth to mine, and his lips instantly parted. I didn't hold back as James' arms wrapped tightly around me, keeping us crushed together, his short nails scouring my back like he couldn't get close enough. My tongue dipped inside his mouth, and I savoured my first taste of him like I'd never had a chance before.

It was like coming home. The way his body fit so perfectly against mine, the way we moved in sync to take greedy sucks and licks of each other...and I knew it would be the same way once he was back in my bed.

"Logan." He said again, gripping my hair tight before diving in to tangle our tongues once more. His cock punched against mine, rock hard and begging for attention, but even though I was dying to get on my knees to suck him senseless, my self-restraint won out. I'd waited too long, had wanted him too much, and I wasn't gonna fuck this up. He was too important to me to rush things, and I wanted him to be completely sure of me, not just caught up in the moment.

But one thing was for damn certain. James Diamond was mine.

* * *

 **Done! So it looks like things are going great between Logan and James!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **You won't have to wait as long for the next chapter, I promise! We're down to the last three chapters, so sadly, this story will be ending very soon. :(**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Yep, I'm back with another new chapter and posting before bed again. I was actually going to wait until this weekend to post this, but I didn't want to keep you all waiting that long when I had a chapter ready to go. :P**

 **Before we get into the chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **Warning: Intimate Jagan ahead. Proceed with caution. :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, kicking the covers off, throwing them back on. It was that antsy feeling of wanting something you couldn't have as your mind raced to figure out a way to make it happen.

With every day I spent with Logan, it was just another day of trying not to reach for him. I was guessing he felt the same, since he'd kept our outings public, never taking me back to his place or coming to mine. Our time at the waterfall the weekend before still weighed heavily on my mind, my lips still tingling from the kiss I hadn't been able to stop thinking about.

But he hadn't kissed me again. Not during dinner on Monday, or at the movie theatre Tuesday. He'd kept his hands to himself while we jogged beside each other Wednesday, and not seeing him on Thursday when he had to work overtime had been torture. And tonight?

I let out a frustrated sigh and rolled over. The clock on my nightstand said it was one thirty. He'd dropped me off only a couple of hours earlier after round two of bowling, in which I'd fared only slightly better than the last time, but I already missed him.

That emotion was something I was still coming to terms with. I _missed_ Logan when he wasn't around. I missed the way he laughed. The shy way he ducked his head when I gave him a compliment. The way he was so damn nice to everyone we came across, from waiters to random people we passed on the street to my parents, who'd come out to say hello on our jog.

Even when he didn't say a word, his presence was a constant comfort, and I wished there was a way to tell him, to show him that I wanted him around. I _needed_ him around, and that truth should've knocked me over like a ton of bricks, but instead, that revelation was...freeing. Falling for him again had been so effortless that I hadn't even realized it was happening, and somehow I knew that even if I'd never remembered moments from our time together before, I would've eventually still come to this conclusion right here, right now.

As I'd gotten to know him again, things had...changed. It didn't matter that I'd never been with a guy before him. That no longer intimidated me or gave me pause. It wasn't about his gender at all, even though I'd been surprised at first at how powerfully my body reacted to the very male parts of his, parts I now craved to feel and touch.

To me, he was just Logan, my Logan, the person who lit up the world around him with vibrant color, and yet he had no idea the effect he had on others...on me. No clue how special he was. Hell, the only fault I found with him was the fact that he was giving me too much space, when all I wanted to do was get close to him. And If I'd learned anything over the past few months, it was that you never knew when your time was up or when your life would change.

It felt like it had taken forever to get to this moment, but somehow, I'd fallen for Logan again, and I didn't want to waste another day without letting him know exactly what he had come to mean to me.

I reached for my phone and pulled up a new text message. He was probably sleeping, but if he wasn't…

 **James: Are you awake?**

Almost immediately, he wrote back.

 **Logan: You caught me. How are you still up?**

 **James: Can't sleep.**

 **Logan: Everything okay?**

 **James: Was thinking about you.**

 **Logan: Ohh. Good thoughts?**

 **James: VERY good thoughts…**

 **Logan: Care to share?**

 _Oh, I want to share, all right,_ I thought, as an idea took hold. I opened my Uber app to see there was a car less than five minutes away, so I hit 'confirm pickup' and threw on some shorts and a shirt. Then I quickly brushed my teeth and headed downstairs.

 **Logan: Did you fall back asleep? Damn tease.**

 **James: Sorry. Got lost in those thoughts again.**

 **Logan: That's awfully selfish to keep it to yourself, Bluebird.**

My skin tingled as I read over the nickname, and when the driver pulled up, I climbed inside the back seat, not really up for conversation.

 **James: Who said I'd be keeping it to myself?**

 **Logan: ...I'm waiting.**

 **James: I was thinking about whether or not you sleep naked.**

Three dots appeared, then disappeared, then popped up again, like he kept erasing what he wrote.

 **Logan: I'll tell you, but I'm curious what your conclusion was.**

 **James: I remember very clearly that you never wore anything...at least not when I was over.**

 **Logan: You're right. What else do you remember?**

 **James: The sounds you make when you come. You always said my name, and it was hot as hell.**

 **Logan: FUCK.**

 **James: I remember that too. ;)**

 **Logan: Christ, James. I think you're trying to kill me.**

The driver pulled up in front of Logan's house, and as I got out of the car, my dick pulsed in time with my heartbeat.

 **James: Not yet. Will you do me a favor?**

 **Logan: I'm already touching myself.**

Oh _fuck_.

 **James: Open your door.**

 **Logan: Open my door? Why?**

Less than thirty seconds later, Logan did just that, and the astonishment on his face when he saw me standing on his porch was priceless.

"I thought we could talk about this in person instead." I said, a smile turning up one side of my mouth.

As he stood there frozen, my eyes swept over him. His hair was slightly mussed on top, maybe from tossing and turning on his pillow, the same as I had, and he was shirtless, though a fine sheen of sweat covered his chest, like I'd just caught him in the middle of a workout. _My kind of workout_ , I thought while looking down to see a pair boxers peeking out from the unbuttoned jeans that sat low on his hips. It didn't do a thing to cover his arousal, and it had my desire amping up.

"Are you gonna stand there staring, or are you gonna let me in?" I said.

Still in shock, it took him a second to move aside so that I could come in.

"Good surprise?" I asked as he shut the door.

"You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I have some idea." I said, glancing down at the way his erection hadn't subsided. _Yeah, coming over was a very good decision…_

"And that's exactly why I haven't invited you over here before."

 _Oh...oh shit. So...bad idea?_

"Would you rather I leave?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. I don't want you to leave. Trust me, that's the last thing I want."

"But…?"

"But James… I'm not sure I trust myself around you if we're alone."

There. That was exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for. The look of longing was clear as day on Logan's face as he held himself back, like he thought it was the right thing to do, when it was not at all what I wanted. Not anymore.

Even though the plan had been to launch myself at him, I needed to set his mind at ease. I wanted him to know exactly where I stood, and that me coming over wasn't some hair-trigger decision I'd regret in the morning.

Giving him some space, I turned and walked down the hall, and when I saw the piano sitting lonely in the corner, I headed straight for it.

"You bought this for me." I said, remembering what my mom had told me.

"Yes."

"For me." I murmured, spreading my hands out over the top. "Because you wanted to make me happy. Because you believe in me." I looked up. "Because you...care...about me?"

He stared at me and then nodded, and when he did, a slow melody filled my mind. I walked over and lifted the fallboard. Standing there, I played the notes as I heard them.

"That's my favorite." Logan said quietly.

"You know this one?"

He nodded and walked toward me. "You've played it for me before."

"I have?" I played a little more, and the song that came out was a tender love song, sweeter than any I could recall. "This reminds me of you."

"You said that too."

I looked up. "I wrote it for you?"

He only smiled, but that smile unlatched something inside me. Something that was ready to belong to someone else. My heart.

"Logan, I...I've never felt this way before. Not about anyone, and certainly not about a guy." I said. "I think that's part of the reason why I held back from you even though I knew the way you made me feel. I couldn't understand why I looked at you differently, but it all makes sense now. The memories I've been having lately, of our time together before my surgery...I felt so… I don't know. Almost carefree. Which is strange, because I should've been anything but." I looked down at where my fingers still moved across the keys, almost of their own accord. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did it seem like I was happy to you after my accident? Happy to not remember? Having a fresh slate. No baggage to weigh me down or keep me up all night?"

He took his time answering. "It certainly seemed that way. You still struggled, so it wasn't easy. You had worries for different reasons. I will say that it always surprised me how easygoing you were, and how open you seemed, not only to me, but navigating your new normal. But were you happier? I honestly can't answer that for you, but from the outside looking in, you definitely came off that way."

"I've thought about that a lot over the last couple of weeks. Because the thing about remembering is that you also remember everything that's been ingrained in you for years. Everything others say is right or wrong, habits you've picked up, whether good or bad. Memories can make you realize how unhappy you were. And before my accident? I was miserable."

Logan's eyes were full of sympathy as he leaned against the side of the piano.

"That's what waking up after surgery was like." I said. "Like I'd had the most incredible dream only to find out it wasn't real. It wasn't until you came around that my world came back to life."

He sucked in a breath, and I stopped playing and folded my arms on top of the piano.

"Do you want to know what I'm more upset about than anything?" I asked.

"Tell me."

"It's that I don't remember our first time." I said, staring at his lips as he bit down on them, and then I slowly perused his body. "I remember other times with you, but not our first. I don't remember how it started or where it happened. If I was the one who made the first move, or if it was you."

"That just means you get a new first." He said, his voice dropping an octave as he pushed off the piano and came to stand in front of me. His eyes dilated like the idea of giving me another first excited him, but he wasn't going to push me. But screw that, I _wanted_ him to push me.

"Logan." I said softly, placing my hand on his chest. "I think...I want you to touch me." I said, my eyes dropping again to his lips. Beneath my hand, Logan trembled.

"If you want me to touch you, you'd better be sure."

"I'm sure." I said without hesitation, making eye contact with him as I said it. "Touch me, Logan."

His hand covered mine as he searched my gaze, and then he brought my fingers up to his lips and kissed them softly, but that was the last gentle move he made. Because then, with an urgency that felt like he'd been holding back for years, he drew me toward him, his grip unyielding as one hand went around my waist and the other held the back of my head.

His kiss made me dizzy, sucking the air out of my lungs, but it didn't matter that he took my breath, my tongue, or even my heart, because Logan's mouth was on mine, and nothing had ever felt so right in the world.

My nails dug into his back, and he angled his head to tangle our tongues even deeper, the velvet softness of him so intoxicating that I thought my legs would give out. When the backs of my knees stumbled into the bench, Logan angled me slightly, and my ass hit the keys, pounding out a harsh mixture of notes as we devoured each other. His cock felt like steel against my lower stomach, and I lifted my right leg onto the bench to give him better access. He rubbed himself against me as my hand snaked down beneath his boxers to grab his ass.

"Fuck. James…"

With fumbling fingers, I shoved his jeans down his hips, and he kicked them away, his wallet and keys sliding across the kitchen floor, instantly forgotten.

"I want more." I said, breathless, and Logan smirked against my lips.

"Then wrap your legs around me." The husky tone of his voice demanded that I comply, so when he lifted me, I circled my legs around his hips, and fuck, it was the perfect position as his dick pressed into mine. His arms went under my ass, and as he walked us back to the bedroom, I grinded against him, rubbing our cocks together in a delicious bit of friction that had my eyes practically rolling back in my head.

He threw me on the bed and I landed on my back. I lay there, trying to catch my breath as he took lube and condoms out of a side drawer and tossed them on the bed.

Oh God, I wanted this. I hadn't realized how desperately my body had been craving this until this very moment, and like he could see the desire written all over my face, Logan stripped out of his boxers. Pushing up to my elbows, I licked my lips as he gripped the base of his dick.

Sitting up, I peeled off my shirt and then had my shorts off in record time. I hadn't worn boxer briefs under them, which had Logan's eyes widening. But he didn't make a move like I expected. Instead, he stared at me as he worked his erection. "You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen."

The honesty in his eyes made me swallow hard before I could speak again. "Then why are you so far away?"

Logan dropped his hand and placed a knee on the bed. His gaze ran over me from my feet to the top of my head, and when he'd climbed onto the mattress beside me, he leaned down and kissed me in a way that made me glad I was already lying down.

"I've missed you." He said against my lips as his hand stroked its way down my side. My fingers came up to caress his face.

"I won't leave you again. I promise."

"You're mine?" He asked, a small smile on his lips.

"All yours. For as long as you want me."

"Good." He nibbled and sucked on my lower lip. "Forever, then."

In all the memories I had of us together, never had I expected the enormity of how I'd feel when we finally came together. It was all so much more than what I'd merely seen, the emotions running through me putting what I thought had just been a strong case of lust to shame.

His fingers wrapping around my cock brought me out of my head, my hips bucking up to chase his hand as it reached the tip before sliding back down again.

"That feels...amazing." I said on an exhale. Every time his grip moved down my dick, I had to hold my breath, because the urge to come already was too strong, and there was no way I wasn't getting inside him first before that happened. Or maybe…

"Logan?" I stopped his wrist. "Can we try something...different?"

He sat back on his heels, a grin on his lips. "Anything you want."

I lifted myself up, and when I took his hard length in my hand, his body quivered. "I want to feel you inside me this time. It can just be this once if you want, but it's all I can think about. You taking me."

His nostrils flared, and I could feel the blazing heat that emanated off him. "Are you sure that's what you want?" He asked, his voice so deep and thick it sounded like a growl.

"Yes." I said, swirling my thumb over the head of his cock. "That's what I want."

"Then put the condom on me."

I picked up the packet and tore it with my teeth. Then I pinched the tip and rolled it over him, wondering how it would feel to have every inch of him inside me. He didn't have to ask for lube, I had the lid flipped open and the cool liquid pouring out into my hand in a matter of seconds, and he chuckled at my eagerness.

"I need to stretch you first." He said, swiping some of the lube from my hand with two fingers and then leaning against the headboard. "Straddle me, handsome."

I did as he said, hovering over his lap as he spread my cheeks apart with one hard, while the other came around to tease in between. Without meaning to, I tensed when one finger grazed my tight pucker, but then I forced my hips to relax and sank back down.

"That's it." He said, running his fingertip along the outside again. "Try to keep yourself relaxed for me."

With my hands on his shoulders, I kissed him as he continued to massage my hole, and then his lips pulled away from mine and he said, "Now breathe out."

As I exhaled, he slid a finger inside, and I had to force myself not to tense up again. The feeling was so foreign that my body wanted to reject it at first, but my mind had other ideas. I wanted this man, and I wanted him to mark me and claim me as his own. Logan repeated the move several times, and when he added a second finger, I cursed.

"Mmm, so fucking hot, Bluebird." He said, the use of my nickname causing me to shudder as he sucked on the tender skin below my ear. All the while, he stretched me, getting me ready for the steel rod kicking against mine.

My head fell back as I got used to the intrusion, and I rolled my hips in time with his talented fingers. Then he bumped up against my prostate, and I dug my fingernails into his shoulders. "Oh fuck, Logan. _God_. I need more. I… How do you want me?"

"Every fucking way I can have you." He said, nipping at my lobe. "But we'll start with this." He lined himself up with my hole, and then I felt the blunt head of him nudge my opening. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage to fit all of him inside me, but I didn't care if I died trying.

"Let me in." He said softly, breathing heavy as he entered me, and then his hands took hold of my hips. Then he kissed me and grinned as he gave up control. "I'm all yours."

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,_ I thought as I breathed out and sank slowly, ever so slowly, over the top of him. I'd expected the pain, welcomed it even, and it wasn't long before he was fully inside me. I went to move, but Logan held me still as his eyes slammed shut.

"Hold on." He said, like he was the one in pain. "You feel too good. Way too damn good."

Like a cat who caught the canary, I grinned, thrilled with the fact that I could make him lose his mind. When his hold on my hips loosened, I lifted up slowly before sinking back down, relishing the way he filled me completely. It took me a few unhurried minutes of getting used to the way he felt inside me before I could move any faster, but when I did, it was _on_.

The guttural sounds escaping Logan's throat had to be the sexist, most gratifying thing I'd ever heard, and so was the way he pretended to give me control by straddling him, when really, he was the one fully in charge.

And Logan fully in charge was so fucking hot.

With his hands busy setting the pace, I reached down to stroke myself in time with his thrusts, but _shit_ , it was too much to have him inside me while I worked my cock. The orgasm came out of nowhere, spilling onto Logan's stomach in hot white jets of cum that seemed never-ending.

"Oh fuck, James." He said, groaning as his hips moved faster, the rhythm becoming erratic as he got closer to his climax. I was grateful in that moment that he'd wanted us face to face for this, because it was then that Logan came with a shout, my name on his tongue and his head falling back, and that was a view I wouldn't have wanted to miss for the world. He was simply spectacular in his ecstasy, his skin flushed and his eyes almost completely eclipsed by his blown pupils.

Before he could catch his breath again, I gripped the back of his neck and stole a kiss. Still inside me, he wrapped me up in his arms, holding me so tight that I didn't think he'd ever let go. I hoped he wouldn't.

"That was perfect." I said, leaning back just enough so I could look into his eyes. " _You're_ perfect."

He was the missing piece, the part of me I had felt was lost, to the point where I'd lashed out at everyone and everything out of sheer frustration. I never would've imagined that Logan would be the one to give me the answers I'd sought. That he was the only one who could make me feel whole again. It was the truth that had set me free. I'd never felt more complete or more loved than I did in Logan's arms. And now that I knew my place, I never planned to leave.

* * *

 **Done! So, there you have it. This was just one huge Jagan-fest. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **We have two chapters left, one of which is an epilogue. Those chapters will both be up this weekend, so only a couple days to wait for that.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Hello again everyone! We've made it to the finish line!**

 **Before we go any further, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I wasn't sure if what I was hearing was a memory playing out in my dream, or if it was actually happening, but as the fog of sleep cleared and I woke up, the house was silent.

Logan lay sleeping on his side facing me, and I smiled as I watched him breathe, his expression so peaceful. One of his arms was curled beneath his pillow, and the other lay on the bed between us, almost like he'd been reaching out for me.

It had been a full day of reconnecting since I'd shown up on his doorstep in the early hours of the morning, and even though my body ached to feel him against me once more, we could both use a few hours of rest. Or he could. I was too busy thinking of the song I'd played earlier, the same one from my dream just now, and I quietly slid out of the bed, threw on my shorts, and closed the door behind me so I wouldn't wake him up.

I'd told him the song reminded me of the way he made me feel. Like coming home. Never was that more true than the way I'd felt in the last twenty-four hours wrapped up in him.

When I got to the kitchen, the sight that greeted me made me chuckle. Logan's jeans were still in a heap on the floor by the piano, which sent a thrill of excitement through me as I recalled them coming off in the heat of the moment.

I folded them and placed them on top of the counter, only to see his wallet and keys still strewn across the floor. Nothing else seemed to have fallen out, so I picked them both up, and when I did, a folded-up slip of paper fell out of his wallet. It was so wrinkled and thin, like it'd been opened too many times, that it unfolded as it hit the floor. I frowned as I reached for it, taken aback to see my own handwriting on the torn-off page.

It was a letter to Logan. And as I read it, all of the worry and fear from that day came rushing back with startling clarity, and I collapsed to my knees.

" _Can I have a pen and some paper? Hurry, please." I said to the nurse before she left the room._

 _My parents stood beside the bed looking down at me with concern and fear in their eyes, though they were trying to hide it with their soothing words._

" _You're here and the doctors will get this all sorted." Mom said, holding my hand and rubbing the top of it. "It's going to be fine."_

" _I know." I said, even though I_ didn't _know, and I_ didn't _think it would be fine. Dread filled every inch of me, a sense of foreboding that I couldn't shake._

" _It's a good thing you were with Logan when it happened." My father said._

 _Logan… I needed to talk to Logan. I hadn't wanted him to leave the room when my parents arrived, but he'd graciously given them the time to be with me while he was… Where was he? I wanted him to come back. Everything was happening so fast, and all I wanted was a few quiet minutes with him._

 _The nurse came back in and handed me a pen and notepad, and as I held them, I tried to calm my mind enough to write what I needed to in case I didn't get a chance to see him and talk to him before I went into surgery. In case… anything should happen._

Nothing will happen _, I told myself._ Everything is going to work out.

 _That would've been easier to believe if another crushing headache didn't have me wincing and my mom calling out for the nurse again._

" _I'm fine." I tried to wave them off, because, fuck, I was terrified, and I didn't want them to see it. With the way my heart felt like it was stuttering with every beat, I was surprised the monitors I'd been hooked up to hadn't already alerted them to my fear. I hadn't wanted Logan to see it either, but there was never any way for me to hide from him._

" _What are you doing, sweetie?" My mom asked._

" _Just give me one sec."_

 _Thankfully, she didn't ask any other questions, and settled into one of the chairs beside me, giving me the space I needed to pour my heart out onto the page._

Logan,

I know that you're worried. And maybe I am too.

Strike that. I'm a lot worried. There. I admitted it. I'm fucking terrified, but I was trying not to show you.

It doesn't seem fair that I'm back here, but we haven't gone through these last few weeks to give up now.

I just found you. I'm not losing you, and I won't forget you, no matter what happens.

But if, somehow, the worst-case scenario does come true, I need you to promise me you won't give up on me.

Help me remember.

Help me find my way back to you.

Love,

Your Bluebird

 _I tore off the paper and folded it four times, and then I closed my eyes so no one would see me cry. I didn't understand why, but it felt like a part of me was dying, and I didn't know how to stop it from happening. I just hoped that somehow, some way, Logan wouldn't let me go…_

"You came back to me."

I looked up through a haze of tears as Logan pushed off the doorway and crossed over to where I was sitting on the floor. He knelt beside me and wiped my tears away with both hands. I stared at him, blinking fast, trying to clear my vision as I sat there holding the heavily creased paper with shaking hands. "You kept this…"

"It goes everywhere I do. I told you I'd keep you with me."

I took a deep, quivering breath. "This whole time...I felt like...I missed you somehow. It didn't make any sense to me, because I didn't know you, or I didn't think I did. But…" I looked down at the letter again, the one that only confirmed how strongly I'd felt about him then, and how right it all was now. "I felt like I should."

Tears fell down Logan's face to match mine, but when he didn't wipe them away, I set the letter aside and took his face in my hands. I kissed away every salty drop, and when I was done, I rested my forehead against his.

"I promised you I'd wake up to you. It may not have been right away, but I'm awake now, Logan. I'm awake, and I see you. I see _us_."

He lifted his head then and kissed me, a long, deep, searing kiss hat scorched my insides, leaving nothing in its wake.

"I love you." I said. "I should've told you that before my surgery, because there's nothing more true in this world than the fact that I love you, Logan Mitchell. Every perfect inch of you. You never stopped believing in me, even when I lost hope in myself, even when I pushed you away, even when I hurt you. But you...you love so fiercely. You see the good in the world because you _are_ the good in the world."

Logan brushed the wetness from the corner of my eye with his thumb, and I could only stare at him in wonder before shaking my head.

"I don't understand how you can look at me like that." I said.

"Like what?"

"With your entire heart in your eyes."

"Because I love you." He said. "You own me, Bluebird. Completely. You always have, and you always will." His lips skimmed against my knuckles in a light caress. "I loved you since the first time I saw you in your cardinal pin, before you even knew I existed. Way before I even knew your name. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. No lengths I wouldn't go to keep you safe. To keep you happy. That's all I'll ever want in this life. For you to be safe and to make you happy. To love you with all that I am." He choked up at the end, and I couldn't help wrapping my arms around his neck and letting him feel my response, and the way my heart soared at his words, with a kiss.

It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was worth every ounce of heartbreak and every scared and confused thought I'd ever had. To be with Logan, I would go through it all again, over and over, just for the moments like this, where I felt like my heart was going to burst from the overflow of love he gave to me.

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask how you ended up on the kitchen floor?"

I laughed and pointed to his pants, keys, and wallet on the counter. "You went wild getting naked for me, that's how. Stuff all over the floor." I teased.

"You're not complaining, are you?"

"Hell no. Actually, that reminds me, there's something else about you that I forgot to mention I love."

"My bowling skills?"

"It does involve balls, yes."

"Huh. You haven't seen me play tackle football yet."

"No, but now I have something else to look forward to. But Logan? I just have to tell you… I really, really love"-I moved in like I was going to kiss him-"your cock." He busted out laughing as my lips twitched in amusement. "I know. Words I never thought I'd say, but it's true. I've never seen a more impressive dick."

"Uh, I would think fucking not." He said. "But I, for one, am very happy to hear how much you love my cock. As a matter of fact, I think you should spend some time letting my cock know just how much you love it. Then I'll have an excuse to get better acquainted with yours."

"I dunno… I see lots of long, hard hours spent getting better reacquainted. You sure you're up for that?"

He lifted his eyebrows and looked down at his lap where his pants tented. "Really? Do you have to ask?"

"Not anymore I don't." I said, and gave him another kiss. "You belong to me now. I'm taking you anytime I want to."

"I think I like this side of you."

"I hope so. Because I plan to be around for the long haul. There's no getting rid of me now."

"I guess I can get rid of the chains in the basement, then."

"Hmm." I sucked his lower lip into my mouth. "Maybe don't get rid of those just yet."

"Is now the time you tell me you're secretly a kinky bastard?"

"I don't think I should tell you. Maybe I'll just show you."

Logan groaned and pulled me onto his lap. "How did we get on this subject? I thought you were going to tell me you came in here to play our song."

"Our song, huh?"

His eyes twinkled. "Isn't it?"

My heart melted a little as I realized I'd fallen in love with the most incredible person I'd ever met, a person that just so happened to be a guy. And I fucking loved it. I loved the way my body caught fire every time he was near, and I loved the way he loved me with every fiber of his being. That's just who Logan was. Someone who loved completely. And somehow, against all odds, it was _me_ he'd chosen to give himself to. And I planned to choose him back, again and again, every day for the rest of our lives.

"I'm not sure how I got so lucky, I wouldn't have even known how to wish for you." I said.

Logan tightened his hold on me and held my face in his hands. "I don't need a wish." He brushed a kiss against my lips before saying the words I would cherish forever. "I got everything I ever wanted when you came back to me."

* * *

 **Done! Of course, I had to end it with some sweet Jagan since I've tortured them so much in this story. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will be the final chapter/epilogue, and will have a time jump! That will be up either tomorrow or Monday!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So this is a couple of days late, but better late than never, right? :P**

 **Before we get into this, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _*Two years later*_

"Oh wow, this place is _packed_." Shane said, peeking out of the heavy velvet curtain at the Maxwell Center for the Arts, to where over twenty-five hundred seats were filled for my sold-out inaugural concert.

"Shane." Logan said, giving him the _look_ , and he quickly shut the curtain.

"Oops." He said. "I mean, uh, wow, no one wanted to see you play tonight, huh?"

 _Oh Jesus. Where's a vomit bucket when you need one?_

Logan just shook his head as he put his arm around Shane's neck like he was going to give him a noogie. "Why don't you go make sure no one's taken our seat, would ya? Troublemaker."

"No, my hair!" Shane shrieked, wiggling out of Logan's hold before launching himself at me. "You're going to be amazing, Jay. Don't even think about all those people out there."

"Thanks, Shay. I'll just picture them all in their underwear." Logan sent the _look_ my way, and I backtracked. "Okay, maybe not in their underwear."

As Shane went back out into the audience, Kendall patted my back.

"You're gonna kill it out there, dude." He said, giving me a reassuring smile. "And we're totally getting drunk after this." He added with a wink before heading in the same direction that Shane went.

I chuckled as I shook my head. After remembering everything, Kendall and I had started hanging out more, getting much closer in the process. And although he was Logan's best friend, I felt like he had become my best friend as well.

I took a moment to compose myself before taking in a couple of deep breaths and stretching out my fingers.

"Come here, let me fix your tie." Logan said, and I stood still in front of him as he straightened the black bow at my neck, followed by the cardinal wings on my lapel. "Don't be nervous. You've got this."

"I'm not nervous." When he raised an eyebrow, I exhaled. "Why would I be nervous? There are only a couple thousand people and a handful of producers out there who could make or break me. No biggie. Really."

"Exactly. But just because you've been working towards this for a year and a half doesn't mean your whole career depends on tonight."

"Gee, thanks, babe. You're as bad as Shane."

"Hey, you've gone through worse and come out the other side."

"Are you referring to when I married you?" I teased. Logan's mouth fell open, a retort on his tongue, when I laughed before planting a kiss on his lips. "I'm kidding. You meant the head through the glass thing, right?"

He shook his head and gripped my waist, pulling me flush against him so I could feel the way his cock pulsed through his dress pants. "I'll remember that later."

"I was hoping you'd say that." I tugged on his earlobe with my teeth, and he shivered in my arms. It never got old, the effect I had on my man, and neither did the intoxicating scent of him, nothing but pheromones that made me want to lick his neck. "You keep distracting me, and I'm gonna have to cancel the concert."

That made him pull away, holding me at arm's length. "Not in a million years. I can wait a couple of hours."

I looked down at the way the front of his pants tented. "I don't know about that."

"Trust me, watching you play is the sweetest kind of torture. Foreplay, if you will."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. Something about knowing where those talented fingers of yours will end up later…"

It was my jaw's turn to drop, and he laughed at my expression.

"Just know that's what I'll be thinking about tonight."

"You bastard. I have to go out there in five minutes."

"Then I guess you'd better practice your self-restraint now."

"I had no idea you were so evil. Are you sure _you_ haven't bumped your head lately?"

"This is payback for the other night." When I furrowed my brow, he said, "You. Showing up at the station. Not a stitch of clothing on underneath that fucking trench coat."

"Ohh, yes, it's all coming back to me now. Emphasis on coming." I hummed as I remembered the look on Logan's face when I took him to the back and opened the coat. "That was a good night."

"Two minutes." The stage manager said as she passed by, and instantly the nerves were back, the panic settling in something fierce.

"Oh God. What if they hate it?"

"Impossible."

I gave him a solemn look. "Be serious."

"I am being serious. A contemporary infusion of classics and rock songs? What's not to love? They're going to be begging for more, just wait."

"It's been so long since I've performed. I think I've forgotten how."

"What did you tell me once? That when you step on stage and start to play, everyone fades into the background. Right?"

My lips tipped up on one side. " _Almost_ everyone."

"That's right. I'll be the one cheering you on from the front row so loud it'll be obnoxious, I promise." I chuckled as he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my wedding band. "You always make your husband proud. Always." Then he took my chin and gave me a soft kiss that lingered, one I was looking forward to continuing tonight.

"I love you." I whispered as I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his. His hands squeezed mine, firm and steady. Always my rock.

"I love you, too. This is the beginning of your dreams coming true. I feel it."

"No. You're wrong about that." I said. "My dream began before I met you. In that little coffee aisle at Gustavo's, when you saw me and what we could be before I even knew to look up."

Logan's eyes glassed over, and I kissed him again.

"Thank you for saving me." I said, and I meant that in every way. He'd not only saved my life, but he'd saved my soul. He'd saved my hope when I had none. The man I was lucky enough to wake up next to every day had brought me back to life, and as I took a deep breath and stepped out onto stage, I knew that with him by my side, lifting me up as I did him, I'd never fall.

And _that_ was what dreams were made of.

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it. I couldn't help but get a bit sappy at the end there. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter/story in general, as well as if you happened to have any favorite parts/moments!**

 **I would like to thank you all so much for your support on this story! This was my first real attempt at Jagan, so all of your kind words have meant so much to me!**

 **I can't really say until next time, but I have more stories coming, and I hope you all will be on that journey with me and enjoy those just as much. :)**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


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